The Teabo Tribe

Whats on your mind?: SOCIAL MEDIA

2012-01-21T08:47:00.000-08:00

I have been involved in the world of social media for maybe 10 years now. Rewind to the days of MySpace, it was the beginning of what we now have now Social Media overload. I joined Facebook on February 11 2008, don't think I am a freak people the only reason I know this exact dates is because of Facebook's new timeline. It was a great way to keep in contact with my relatives that lived far away, connect with friends locally and globally and a way to stay involved with a big crowd at the same time, without over committing your life. Its been a blessing and a curse all at the same time. Some of you may agree some of you may not. Let me give you my thoughts on it.

Awesome things of Social Media:

1. You can give a bit of information to a huge load of people in just one status update in seconds. Ex: "Everyone please pray right now, my dad had a heart attack, I need masses praying now!" Prayer request gets down the line, fast.

2. Sometimes asking a question can you you faster information with quick dialogue faster that google or even calling your doctor. EX: "My son just woke up with a mild rash around his lip, what can this be? Within minutes you may even have a diagnosis and a cure!

3. You can stay updated on causes and organizations you "like", and stay informed.

4. You can probably get a faster news feed on Facebook than the actual news. I found out on Facebook about plenty of world news before I saw it on the local news. The death of Osama, the earthquake in Japan, the verdict of Casey Anthony.

5. Stay connected with friends you have not seen or heard from in a long time. I have been been reunited with so many friends and family members that I have not heard from. Finding them and being involved even though reading their status makes you feel connected with them in a way.

6.Advocating and being a voice for people that do not have the opportunity to be heard. Sometimes just seeing a need posted people are moved to take action, or to even sharing the need someone else takes action and so forth more like a domino affect to where awesome things happen. A child gets adopted, a family gets sponsored a need in the community is meet.

And here it is, the not so Awesome! I am not self righteous or judging I have fallen into some of these categories myself.

1. Putting too much information on social media gives permission for others to be critical of your life and judgey. Trust me, bloggers will agree that having a written word on their lives out in the internet world has invited way to many unwanted advice. Its like having a pregnant belly where everyone wants to touch and give you motherly advice when you didn't ask for it. If you want your life private you may not want to blog or even have an active facebook.

2. If you are insecure facebook will make you even more insecure or if you are not it may make you. Let me explain. We post photos of our families we post and tag photos of people we hung out with, or tag "was with" so and so. What happens when you see two of your friends in a photo at a concert or dinner and you had no idea they were going out....without you...What happens? Or families post photos of their lives being all "happy" and wonderful. If you are going through a hard time, what happens, you sink into a pit of despair thinking everyone is enjoying life and you are not.

3.Gossip, can start fast and spin way out of control before you can delete your status. Once a word in out you can not take it back, the word is out. Its in the air, its been read and well just because you delete it does not mean it didn't happen or was said.

4. We can get stuck in the "like" button. For example I can post a photo or a status and can have one ''like" or" comment", I begin to second guess my status. Seriously you know you do it too, do not even think I am on my own here.

5. Inappropriate friendships. You are just one click away from temptation. We are all vulnerable one time of another of our lives. If you guard is down, temptation can begin with simple "liking" and then well....not good.

6.Fundraising overload. Here is what I mean. For advocate and orphan junkie *I mean that with love* like myself, Its hard to see a link to a blog for a family pleading for money to bring home their babies and not share. I was one of the first families on the uprising of the Facebook fundraising. Many children come home and adoptions are funded through fundraising. In fact most of our fundraising were donations by strangers. I know I sound like a meanie, but if I do not know you, if we have not shared in your journey to your children I may not share your link on my page. Just my rule. Its too overwhelming to keep up with. I don't know do I sound like a brat, I really don't mean to be. I love Orphan care and adoption, but really I have also shared a couple of links for children that were never sponsored, or families NOT adopting in the first place (like a fake family...yes!)

7. It can give us a false sense of community. I have almost 900 friends, there are days when I feel like I am alone. Everyone is just one click away. We use it as an excuse to not have a need to form community. We have a major sense of community funtion in a cyber world and dysfunction in the realistic community we live in.

8. Some things are not what they seem. Do not be fooled some of us write status of how happy go lucky and wonderful our lives are and never share the realness of the yuckyness in our lives. Giving everyone a "but they look so happy" "she never complains" "she must be a strong Christian" when in the inside we can be breaking and our heart can be shattering. You know what happens then? We then to tend to think we are the ones that don't have it all together. Don't let it fool you people. Life can stink for everyone, at some point.

9. Slander. We can slander each other by the opinions we have, fast. It can be hurtful and cause hurt feelings. Even in the "just being honest" b.s. I see it all the time on status about politics and religion.

10. Someone can be a real BEaaachhh on facebook and be a true jem in real life, and they other way around. Goes with # 8 some people are not what they seem always on social media.

11. We can get so caught up on our next status we miss the in-betweens. Yes Facebook can be utterly consuming. You have the ability to read everyone status an a news feed, who went to what store, what so and so''s kid said, and the hidden innuendos of so and so's status. You know the status where someone just post all these scriptures but no status updates but the scriptures are really and inclination that they are going through tough times. AGAIN BEEN GUILTY OF ALL SAID. I know for me its been such a time waster that I have missed out on conversations with living souls in front of me because I have been busy reading and commenting etc., sharing and over sharing.

12. It can be your go to instead of prayer. I have a need, Facebook it. I have a thought, Facebook it. I have a question, Facebook it. I have used it as my Bible. I am not the only one right?

So as you see there are plenty of not so awesome compared to the awesome things of social media. I have had the conviction to get off, for a bit. This week I have been status free! :) Well except for when I hacked chiefs open page on his status, and shared my blog post. God is keeping my heart in check it was not in the right place at the moment. Its been freeing actually to bend my knee when I have a concern or even for the happy moments. Not sure when I will return to good old FB, I had the thought of just maybe taking the week off and going on the weekends, but not really missing it at the moment. Either..

*Watch me check to see of anyone..."Likes" my status update* :)

I am College mama

2012-01-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

Guess what I am doing? I am going to College baby! For the last few years I have had a tugging on my heart to go to school. Chief and I got married very young. I was 18 , no joke, I was a baby! If my kids told me they were going to get married at 18, I would freak! I bet our moms did to ;0. Then we had babies, and babies and babies, Chief had landed a great job and we just made it as me being a home mom. I loved the days I was home with my babies, I have very fond memories. I do not regret that for one moment. I wish I could turn back the clock and not worry so much, or not fret about small stuff. Then our lives changed when our eyes were open to the needs globally and even locally. My passion was lit, and I become an advocate. I LOVE advocating for the needs of children, and the unjust. Its something that fuels me. Fast forward to a year ago.

When we moved to GA and I needed to get a job, and began to look. I realized fast how not having an education had affected my chances to 1. Land a job 2. Land a career that I LOVE.

Chief and I began to chat about options for the future. We have five kids we want to but through school, we do not ever want them to think money is an option of why they can not go. I wont be a home mom forever, I can not keep making babies..sniff sniff.

PLUS, I do think God has big plans to use me for. I was nervous but my drive was also fueled by my oldest son, who kept saying to me. "You tell us we can do anything we set our mind to, you want to go to college, you should go!"

One year later, I was accepted into a University 20 mins away. This is my second week at school. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT! Currently I am working, and taking three classes and yes raising five kids. Its a work load for sure.

I always thought when I was 32 I would finally know what I will do and be more grounded in what I believe and really what I want to do when I grow up. Friends, I am happy to report I AM! So I am taking courses to get me into my major of Human Services and my big BIG dreams is to work for Wold Vision or/and Work for a non-profit of victims of Child/sex trafficking.

Big dreams, I love People, I love the command to set captives free and I know its not just meaning captives of hearts but literally to set them free from the injustice that holds them in cages and chains literally as well as emotionally. Its a command, simple.

Friends have asked me if I feel young again. I think I just feel grounded, I feel secured in who I am confident and empowered, and proud of myself. My family is proud of me.I can not imagine me feeling this at 18-21 going into school. I am excited for the future plans, but hope that I can ENDURE this long journey. I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things, I can do all things.! Excuse me while I go turn the laundry, make some lunch and finish my stinking math homework :)

WORD

2012-01-06T13:36:00.001-08:00

I meet an amazing woman , that just in the last few weeks have challenged my Christ walk. A week ago she challenged me to seek a Word pray and ask God to give me one word that would represent my life for this new year. One word to stand on, when things come undone, when I feel like giving up, or feel discouraged. One word. I loved the challenge. I began to seek pray, read, many many words came to me, none felt like the "word". Yesterday I got it, the WORD. I just knew it, in my prayer time I sense the need to read James 1. I asked Chief to do the same and told him I won't give him my word unless he told me his. I just didn't want to add another word to the mix. Secretly I was HOPING big time that God would bring us to the same word. In my spiritual fantasy life :)

Last night we sat down and ate dinner, together. I said "hurry up, I want to share my word with you hurry up and get your word!" He said "Its been tough I have been at work and really only one or two words come to mind its not very encouraging its very challenging!" me "Ekks, just TELL ME!"

When he formed his lips I knew what was coming, its a word I had been dwelling on all day.

He finished it, IT was MY WORD. Here it is folks the word we both got is "ENDURANCE"

James 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, g knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing!

So I suppose we needed more testing until the day where we can say we Need Nothing More but Jesus, is that even possible to get to? Holy smokes what is going to happen this year, I don't desire any more change or even earth shaking anythings?! Halleljuah and hail Mary. Sweet Lord, brace yourselves. I just know we seve an Awesome God that would bring one word to both of us to help us keep going, past the part where we feel done.

Do it, you pray and get a word for you year, it will encourage you, it really will!

HO HO HO Ya'll!

2011-12-25T10:09:00.000-08:00

HO HO Ya'LL!

Different Christmas INDEED

2011-12-21T18:57:00.000-08:00

J-Man trying on his new Roller Blades he picked out at Target spree shop
Little E bought me these beautiful earrings, love his heart!

I posted earlier about how different this Christmas will be for our family. How its been a rough reality, but we are just going to suck it up and do it. We decided early on that we can not give to each other or anyone else really, not even to teachers, or staff, or even to our favorite charities. We just can't. Then some school letters came home, you know the ones that ask you to give if you can to the stars on the tree, or the angels for families in need. I wanted to, oh I so wanted to! Then I got a special letter a personalized letter asking our family if we need any assistance this year. gulp. US? We were the ones that signed up to get gifts usually, or to donate etc. We were part of groups and churches that adopted families that needed help. It was something we have enjoyed for years, and now we were being asked if we needed the help!? This year the letter was coming home for OUR family. It was humbling, and to be very honest I was so sad that the tables were turn and we were that family in the situation. I filled out the sheets they asked for the kids the wish list. Turned it in, still having a hard time with my pride.
Then another letter came in from our school, our kids were selected to go on a "Shop with A Buccaneer"No kidding get this. The sister High school near our kids school set up an entire day where they match a few teens with each student as a chaperons, feed the kids breakfast at the school then with thier schaperones they all go on the bus for a ride to Target where each kid is set up with a $100 Target giftcard for them to spend tax free. Drive them back to school and feed the kids lunch. We were thinking it would be a blast for them. So, we decided not to let our prides keep them from a fun time.
THEN, I wake up one morning to the BEST surprise I had a friend give us a $250 Amazing gift Card. Oh sweet Lord, We were blessed!!
THEN, J-man filled out a card for free bikes from a local church providing bikes for the kids in our community. ALL OUR kids except Roo got one, a friend called me the other day and told me she has a tiny bike that her little one can not ride do I want it? YES!
If it was not for the above we would not have Christmas. I know, do I sound like I am playing the worlds smallest violin.
NOW this one will blow you away. Here it goes.
I was spent on cash. Cookies, here for class parties, little cash here for more class parites etc. etc. and more etc. I was out of cash till pay day. Come on, I know some of you can relate. Little E needed a strand of 20 lights for a class project. Went to Walmart, went to Target, went to the dollar store, and by the time I found out where to get the lights. Cash out. So needless to say I knew little E would go to school without his 20 strand of lights. I began to pray, let me back up. Little E has big faith, BIG faith in me, to supply his needs. THIS was so hard to work on, I was so sad I would let him down, he had been waiting for the lights. So, this is why I began to pray. Lord, just $10 bucks till Friday, PLEASE! The day passed, well I was waiting for a refund check, or you know some kind of rebate in the mail...nothing. Little E was just going to have to be disappointed.
We went to dinner at my folks, My mom is so awesome she has us come over for dinner once a week. Gives me a night off. We come home and see a tree on our door step. We were not expecting a tree. We brought the tree inside and saw it was loaded with gift cards. OUR kids were ecstatic! $250 in Gift Certificates for Groceries and Walmart.
Here is the best part. On the tree and I told no one about the lights there were two strands of 20 lights. ON THE TREE!
SO, We get to shop for fun things for the kids AND get our Christmas dinner supplies AND little E will get his strand of lights.
Did I mention my parents GAVE me their van?! Yes. They upgraded and decided to give us the title of their minivan. We are now the proud owners of two cash cars!

I checked with Chief about writing this post, he is the provider and I never want him to feel like he doesn't provide for us or can not. We are in a sticky situation and really praying and seeking a way out. For now, this is the situation we are in, we are trying to make the best of it, while staying out of dept and working on being content with where God has us at the moment (forced smile.) He knows I believe in him as the provider and that I cherish his hard work. He also knows that the Lord provides through his people. He uses and has used us plenty of times as a vehicle in those provisions and sometimes we become the recipient of that provision. Friends, this is just the beauty of the body! Merry Christmas. I know we are having one! Praying that next year things may look diffrent and we can be the ones blessing you!

Diffrent Christmas

2011-12-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

In many Christmas past as in BA (Before Africa) Christmas was a mad rush to get the perfect gift for every single person on my list. Most importantly my children. I raced in all of the Black Fridays crazy made houses to get that gift at %60 off retail. I have it down to a science, going a few days to scout out a map,yes I said map, wearing the right runnners, and filling the pockets with power bars, to eat while I run the masses over for the mad dash to that one gift I HAD to get. I will even share that I would buy extra on these shopping spree times just cause it was a good deal. My kids did not need 6 lego sets per child, but it was buy one get one, so it went into the closet for extra. Birthday parties we attend in the year and so forth. Chief and I would outdo ourselves with something super nice. Ipods, clothes, nice things.
Then we went to Africa.

It changed our perspective on everything. The over excess of our country. The obsessions we have of needing to make things perfect. The insane amount of dept one can establish in the mad "need". Its insanity.
Then we came to Georgia.
Living in excess was not a choice any longer, it has become a reality and fact of life. I No longer had the "choice" to simplify Christmas. Its a necessity for us, and that changes our perspective even more.
When you make a choice to give up on excess, you have the choice, you feel good about it, because if you decided to forgo that choice you have the choice to.
When you do not have a choice, its a different ball of wax. It just is.

So this Christmas we are learning so much about the in depth true meaning or what Christmas is. We have nothing to give, we have EVERYTHING to give, we have our hearts for Christ and our family. Our children have been forewarned that this will be a very different Christmas.
I am not sure if you can see the photo above its a letter our son who is 11 wrote to Santa. We believe he knows the truth, but there are times when he still writes to Santa, and hides it so we can never find it. I don't find it till after Christmas, this time, I was lucky it was tucked behind a log in the fireplace, I moved the log because it was bugging me that it was out of place. Notice #2 on his want list.
I think he gets it. Love that kid!
Merry Christmas !

Perception

2011-12-05T05:52:00.000-08:00

I posted this photo on Facebook with a post that said "Doesn't this make you want to curl up with a good book and a bowl of chili!" To which Chief (who is my FB friend :) responded "No, it makes me think of how much we are spending on heat!"..... "Perception"

Your perception of God shapes your reality. a.w. Tozer

My perception has really sucked lately, being that it has sucked the life out of what the reality is. Reality is that My God is Awesome, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Holy, a Mighty Provider.

My perception for the last year has me walking around with the reality that I feel God forgot about me, that life sucks and maybe its what I deserve, I am a sucky person. I have too many freckles, and my belly looks like I am now carrying a baby kangaroo (I AM not, just sayin) And in this season of Christmas when our budget is super tight (like one gift per child, tight~) and everything cost money, parties, kids school celebration etc... It has sucked the life out of reality of who God IS.

It has shaped and morphed me into moping around feeling totally sorry for myself, I KNOW BETTER.

I have been a Christian for a LOOONNGGG time. Yet I have allowed my perception to shape what my view of God has been. When I see God in this view guess what happens to my days, my attitude, my perspective....you got it...it stinks.
Heard this quote yesterday and it gave me a sharp pain to the pit of my stomach, convicted.

* NO MAS, no more can I allow these thoughts to shape me. I can not also let my reality of my circumstances to shape my perception of God. There is truth, I know where to find it.

Let's be done Nat. Say it with me NO MAS NO MAS NO MAS!

*No mas:No more

Thankful

2011-12-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

Got to spend five days with Chief's mom and dad/my other parents! Five days to short, but we had a lot of catch up too do. They came with a super duper make me smile gift from my SIL Cindy, my very own delish pumpkin roll. Have you ever had a pumpkin roll, utter deliciousness Made my Holiday!

Did some antiquing at some Southern stores. They feel in love with the Southern accents and the Southern hospitality.
These guys got some father son time.

Lots of grandparent time! (notice the pose of one of my tribal children that one hails from Washington state!)

Sweet moments together ended much to soon. Come back Grandparents, we miss you!

Ideal Mama/Wife

2011-11-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

I have been a mom for 11 years a wife for almost 14 (this month!) For these years I have been devoted to my family and when side tracked the Lord has gently/sometimes not so gently brought me back to the base home. Early before kids Chief and I decided together that we really wanted me to be home with the kids, I took on some part time here and there. For the most part I was a stay at home mom/wife. Molding my children making my family. Figuring it out. I do not regret not for one minute the choice of being home with them. It was amazing to wake up to tiny feet sticking out of the bars of the crib, and snuggle with babies in footed PJs. Oh I could do it again and again! In the midst of it, there was so much of a fight in me, a fight to overcome the perfect stay at home mom/wife.

I took countless Bible studies where we read devotional books upon books on how to accomplish just that. Lead/and participated discussions on what a Proverbs woman embodied, and how to achieve it. At my bedside table there was always a plethora of "How to" be the better mom/wife help books. I would attain said goals for a few days, be so excited with it and then tear myself down inside when it was not to the standard that I knew was expected of me, by my own standard directed from these how to books. I remember Chief saying to me countless times "are you trying a new how to book?" Do not get me wrong there are plenty of great books out there on how to enjoy/embark/entertain/embody/ this ideal womanhood. Its when we cling to them as truth instead of right from the WORD itself where it becomes unhealthy.

What good was it to be at home with my children when I would be grumpy with them because of the guilt I felt of not cleaning up the home, cooking the great dinner, and then to top it off the guilt I felt because I was short with them at the end of the day. And still trying to achieve trophy wife status (not to the world standards in shape!) but I wanted to have the house totally cleaned and dinner roasting in the oven so that when chief came home the aroma would catch him at the door. It happened many many nights. Also there were many nights that the aroma that caught him at the door was NOT a meal waiting for him at the door but maybe a dirty diaper, I did not get to in time. It may have been a clump of messy shoes and bags and the 5:30 glare of what's for dinner lurking in the air. In those moments I felt like I failed.
Then came the decision every parent has to decide home school/private/public. Then there are the friends with the opinions on what they are doing, and then there is this pressure to decided from all sides.
Here is whats been on my heart lately where is the freedom in living to a standard set by man? I read this post today by Katie Orr. She wrote on her struggle on being a stay at home mom. She finished with this "I have had to let go of what the "ideal" mom looked like, and as I have it has freed me to be a better mom.

There is danger when we try to encamp in the ideal of what this Proverbs mom looks like. Yes our ministry is our home and our children and our husbands, but first and foremost our devotions in to the Lord, not to mans image of what this looks like.

I too am finding the freedom of letting this ideal go. Its made me free to be who the Lord has made me to be, Why did I not learn this 11 years ago! I would have saved my own heart from so many lies. I could have been my best friend instead of my worst enemy! DUH!

So what gives do we let it all go and become couch women that dictate orders in between commercials ;0 NO, There are clear directions of how we are to be busy at work, doers. For the grey areas, you let the Lord direct you in them, not a book, not someone else blog, or some ones opinion. You seek that between you and Christ. Woman be free. If you struggle with this "ideal" take if before Him he can free you from yourself. He always does! :)

One year and Counting?

2011-10-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

We are coming up on our one year anniversary in Georgia. Its been the hardest year of our lives, wish that was an exaggeration. We brought two new kids home and moved across county. I have had a harder time with the latter. So have our big boys. The new kids are fine with where we are at. I think they find this more home than Washington.
In this one year being away from home. We have learned:

1. God is always with us, even when we don't feel Him. Even when nothing goes well and every door is shut.

2. Your past childhood has a huge indicator of how you relate to the stress in your life. How your parents dealt with stress is more than usually how you will deal with it. HOW YOU DEAL WITH STRESS may be HOW YOUR KIDS DEAL WITH IT TOO.

3. Normal is not NORMAL.

4. Our parents do love us more than we realize.

5. Let Go. Being far from home gave me a clear perspective of the things I was holding on to, bitterness from past hurts, rejections, is really not the freedom God wants for me. It was easier to let go being far away.

6. Never purchase a home you can not afford, to buy into a bid from the lender to say they will work it out a deal with you and a year and a half later find out you owe 25,000+ more than you started with. And bullied by them to get out of your home. never again.

7. Home is not where you hang your hat! My hats are hung in Georgia and my heart is in Olympia.

8. Your finances define you more than you want them to, sadly.

9. Most people mean well, look at the heart behind it and never assume. Assume makes an ASS out of u and me.

10. My life is DEFINITELY not my own. Sometimes. Most times, I go kicking and screaming about what I want it to look like. We are far from that mark, that's not what it was to look like for my KING.

Amazing how God takes us somewhere else to teach us something about ourselves we were not seeing at face value. That sometimes means geographical that sometimes can mean in a journey being right where we are at. He will and can go to extremes to change us from the inside out. My heart hurts literally hurts because I can be so stubborn that He HAS to go to extremes to press me, refine me, JOB me, until every single breath every pore in my body every cell in my being, recognizes over and over its not about my own Glory just HIS.
How about you? Are you in a classroom of faith right now being pressed until you sweat out all of your impurities of the stench of YOU? Welcome we are classmates, can I borrow a pen ;)

Living in the SOUTH

2011-10-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

Its been almost a year that we have been in the South. Its a different culture here than that of little Olympia and even the city of Seattle. Let me give you a few examples. Church. There are probably more churches here than Starbucks, and McDonald's combined. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SHOP for churches they are EVERYWHERE. We love Four Points Church, we didn't even have to shop we were invited and it was love at first sight! Its a three year old church and the pastor is extremely hysterical and is dead on with the gospel. Its a little comical have you can even hold your breath in-between driving from one to another.

School. We loved our kids school in Oly. It was small we knew the families I would say its under 300. BUT, the separation of church and state was OVERLY present. I remember calling Christmas break ...well CHRISTMAS BREAK and being corrected by a teacher You mean "Winter break". Last year I walked into the kids school and was shocked to see a Christmas tree up and everyone saying Merry Christmas. I even heard some God Bless yous. It was not a big deal to everyone, it IS the culture even though they know your not suppose to its almost comical to bring it up in conversation when they hear we are from the west coast we get and we tell them how it was were we are from they giggle as in disbelief. Our kids school calender is packed with activity to gather socials are weekly. Opportunities are endless! I really like it, it would be hard to go back to the same environment after being here.

Education. Before we moved we looked at test scores parent reports class sizes etc. and picked the best district. Our kids were far behind according to the reports we got from the teachers and professionals at the new school, they were even frustrated with I think having a larger district that had more money helped have more services allowing more opportunity for the kids to learn more. Our school is a Franklin Covey school, the program believes in enabling greatness to allow your child to succeed, and teaches kids 7 habits to achieve success and become leaders. Each teacher has been trained in the steps of success. It will also become a lighthouse school the 16th in the whole world! Its been awesome to see the kids flourish and grow in an environment set up for success. Also the kids that are lacking are getting and immense amount of support all around them. IMMENSE! If a fan of their teachers, they are brilliant and truly LOVE teaching.

SPORTS: This is one I have not embraced as yet, because I do not understand AT ALL. FOOTBALL and JESUS are almost on the same level sometimes the latter gets dropped down a notch for the other. Kids are signed up for every sport under the sun and people are super busy because of sports. Football is not something they take lightly here at all. The high schools have on staff at least 8+Football coaches. Here is an example of one of our school choices this one has 12!!. At a game there will be literally thousands of people, I am not talking about a high school game either I am talking about a kids football game. Its insane. I remember having our kids in sports at the YMCA in WA and the coaches were parents just like here, but you hear "do the best you can do, its okay, next time you will get it, if you don't want to play buddy you don't have to!'' here its SO not the same you will here this on a field "YOU will win, You will Get it, YOU will not Surrender, Don't CRY, NO such thing as quitting child!" I am not kidding. Its serious stuff, don't mess.

Entertainment choices: In Olympia I remember being frustrated having to travel to Seattle or Tacoma to my favorite restaurants becuase the selection was not as vast in Oly. It has been said here you can eat out every night and NEVER eat at the same restaurant twice. There are tons of things to do for entertainment. Its Metro ATL, its a happening spot!

So an incredible difference in culture as you can see. I think If Southerners were to hang out downtown Olympia they would be culture shocked in 0 seconds flat, and visa versa. Different as Night is from Day. I STILL MISS HOME! I am still struggling with purpose here. The more we stay the more we see the benefits for our children. The more home becomes less possible, the more sad and nostalgic I become about what was. I miss my best buddies. But I keep keeping on, enjoying sunshine everyday and cooler weather, and all the above amazing things about being in the South.

xoxo, Your Northwest Southern girl!

Roos new school

2011-10-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

Doesn't she look so tiny compared to the other kidos.

Its been one month. A busy month. Birthday month and first days of schools for some. Let me start with this little one. Little Roo. Its her first time in Pre-school and we lucked out majorly with being in Georgia and having a Pre-K program. Get this its FREE but this is the one we had a hard time with she is gone all day. Its from 8:30-2:45 seriously. This is my baby girl. This baby was hand delivered to my hands and it was one of the sweetest moments of my whole life. She is growing oh so big. The first week I was home and I even cried some. The next week I began to hit the ground running searching jobs AGAIN. I found one. Its the best option right now for my kids. I sub as a Food and Nutrition Assistant in others words I sub as the school cafeteria lady without the hairy mole! Our districts has 141 schools and if there are any man down I can get a call to fill that spot. Its so difficult to get in with the school district. There are folks with teaching degrees working in the kitchen just to get in. Its been one week that I have worked straight and its been at my kids school. AWESOME. Our kids school has 750 kids so its a busy cafeteria and its makes me feel so blessed to know our kids eat from a highly sanitized kitchen ;0! My hours are great I get off at 1:30 leaving me one hour of quiet. Its been a HUGE blessing, so I am hoping they keep me busy!

Signing off till the next post!

Conversations between my kids

2011-09-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Its been one year three months since I have meet these children. If you have kept with out post you will know its not been easy. For them, for us. Its been life changing to say least. I remember writing this post last year saying that you may notice small positive changes around month three. I must have had to many MIKES because the small changes came and went just as fast. BUT the ugly feelings of one girl, is seeming to be less and less intrusive to her sweet insides. She is such a different girl than last year. We are such different parents. Here is a conversation my mom overheard with her little brother.

E " I like my mom and dad, but I don't love them!" The discipline me!"
G: "Our mom and dad adopted us, they are giving us a life we never would have had in Ghana. You get to eat, you get to go to school, you get to wear clothes you have to have things, they discipline you because YOU DON"T listen. You need to have love for them!" when my mom asked G: "so what about you do you like them....
NO, I LOVE THEM!" sob.

First of all this is the first time that she has said adopted regarding herself. That SHE has been adopted. Second of all, SHE knows that discipline is because of love for a child with trauma that's HUGE. Third, she understands that she did not have the resources that she is getting here. I am not looking for a pat on the back with that last epiphany. With our previous conversations she has never really admitted the poverty level at which she was living. In our conversations her family would take her to Starbucks and purchase vast amounts of clothing for her. So, this lets me know that she is facing reality, maybe not accepting it but at least facing it. Its healthy!

HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW!

Life on PAUSE

2011-08-30T05:05:00.000-07:00

Can not even begin to explain the crazy in my world today. My life at the moment seems paused. We are still in the same home rental that the landlord has been graceful with us and merciful with our sporadic plans and events. 3/4 of our items still remain in boxes. We are eating on paper plates and every day I unseal one more box. Mostly because we have no idea where we will go and what will happen. Contract is up late October so we must find a place or come to that grueling decisions of state changes once again. Meanwhile Kids are at school and the big boys just started Karate classes every day, courtesy of the grandparents. Those suckers are expensive!

We have the opportunity for our kids to attend an AMAZING school. I can not even stress how amazing the school is. The teachers and staff LOVE our kids. Gs last year teacher wanted to hang with us during summer. What teacher does that?! They know our kids they have the ability to provide many resources for them, more than the last school they were at. There are opportunities we have never had. Its seriously awesome. My folks are involved in the kids every day life. Really they take the kids to karate for me, some days my folks just come and bring us dinner. They treat us out, and treat the kids out always. Our church has some pretty cool people. They love Jesus and our pastor Brent's message is one you will not sleep to friends, he has passion for Christ and his face turns red and he sweets when he is lovingly sharing the message. AND our church meets in the gym of our kids school. I just things its awesome to be worshiping King Jesus in the same building my kids are being educated in.

Why the freak do you want to leave Natalie? I get this one a ton. Let me say that when we were brought here there were some promises or assumptions made to my husband about a certain company he represents. There were also untruths told to him regarding salary etc. We found this out a month into our stay. We found out many things. We are deflated. We feel stuck, we begin to feel hopeless. We signed a lease with the prospects of those hopes. It was looking not good, its still looking not good.

BUT we began to see the Lord move into other things. Our son who has some serious learning issues begins to read, the therapy we start him on begins to see vast improvement. Our children s education take a leap with the help of a different curriculum and resources. We see the benefits of being near my folks.

YET, the plans we had which were to suffer for just a bit to reap the benefits of career changes seemed futile. We began to accept it doesn't seem like it will change. Hopelessness sank in again. Dear Lord, I have never been on my knees this much in my life. For our situation for our Lord to come conqueror and bring Justice. Set what is wrong, right. Nothing seemed fair, everything was against us..did I say WAS because nothing in our situation has really changed. Oh and remember the IRS issues, they finally came up with a refund to us...ready for it. $147 dollars, as in the 147 orphans now they mock me!!!

BUT God in His infinite wisdom, draws us to his feet, with utter despair to seek His face.

If I could wave my magic wand, I would have my hubby right back into the position he was before. Right back into our old 70s house and into the neighborhood my kids ran bare-feet in. BUT we do not regret our move. I know crazy.. right. We have learned so much through this journey. We have relied on not our own strengths, we have no power and nothing to rely on but HIM, and the end of the rope magically gives way to more threading. We have more compassion for people. Its so easy to sit on Easy street and judge others downfalls from one perspective a different situation when you are in it elbows deep. We have learned how much we love our parents. Both sets, even if we have had our bumps in the road, they LOVE US, and want the best for ALL of us. That is priceless. Our children KNOW their grandparents. Not just a couple weeks a year or so, They KNOW them.

I guess what I miss is my old life. My own house. My old town, My buddies, the crisp air.Extra cash to do extra things with. The Starbucks spluge when I wanted, the new top I can buy. The fun Teabo Tuesdays I once planned. The stocked pantry (some days this was not so) but for the most part. It was a TON easier than this. We did make sacrifices to add more kids to the broad, but income to kids if we stuck to a budget and got rid of dept we could do it. Now a days, a different story.

So here is the prayer request:!
1. I need a job. next week all the kids will be in school until 2:30 first time in 11 years I will be alone...may I add that for 10 months I have been applying. The end.

2. Chief, to have another position so that instead of having to work I can have a little dream come true and go to school!

3. The Lord would provide a home for us to be in our school district and at our budget.

4. If he wanted us to move back home chief needs his position back.

5. Both our hearts in the situation its been truly exhausting to say the least!

If you find yourself in a challegning situation like us, If you find it utterly impossible to even begin to hope because its seems like there is no use. I promise He is WITH YOU. He has NOT LEFT you. If you are in the situation of not knowing where your next meal will come from, how you will get your child a new pair of gym shoes when yours even has holes, how the heck you will pay those stack of medical bills on the computer table next to you. You are not alone. I PROMISE there are others going through the same situation or worse. How do I know this. I am there, I am still breathing, you will make it. Do not give up the little glimpse of hope in Christ you have. HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. If you need a friend to vent to when your life seems on PAUSE shoot me an email. I can offer you prayer and the best I can is encourage you and maybe give you some ideas in your situation.

Plans Change

2011-08-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Remember when I told you I want to be where God wants me to be and I will be okay where ever he plants me. I lied. Because on Thursday chief and I had to make a HARD decision based on our circumstances. I am not one to make a decision based on circumstances I loath the cliche "when God closes a door, that was not his Will!" Simply because if that is the case, the minute any biblical hero came to a closed door, or a difficult circumstance it would have been easy to say "I suppose that's not the Lord" and walk the other way. Time and time again in scripture we are encouraged that the Lord is with us through those hard trails. That when we doubt ourselves or others point to us and say "what the heck, are you doing!?" He is there to Hold strong the course with us. If you know me, you know I never see a closed door as a NO from the Lord, but rather a challenge to stretch my faith strong.

This one has me dragging my feet. I said my good byes I was ready to reunite with my old friends and my old house. I was there, emotionally. So, when we were hit with the news of the IRS changing their mind for the fifth time we had to change course to "maybe" we can't move. I was okay with that one because I KNEW if God wanted me there, He would totally get my back on this one. We had to make a decision all of a sudden that really made me want to throw a tantrum. All the reasons of why we were moving became stronger in my mind, and one of them was the stinking humidity so I didn't even want to walk outside. That was just me. Then I had to share the news with the big boys.

Our big boys are Northwesterns BIG time. Big A asked me the other day "when is it going to rain, I am so tired of the sun!" J-man "I want to skip fall and go right into winter!"

I didn't want to make this decision.

We both called in the big greys ...okay if our parents read this there would be a smack down ;) BUT both our parents have lived journeys before us, and have wise words. Sometimes we take them, some times we don't and sometimes they were wrong ;)...most time they are right. Both sets, shared with us some wisdom. Hard to hear, but one the same token, if felt awesome to have parents who can give sound advice! Then chief made the call. We need to stay put ...for now. There are so many uncertainties with moving back. Chief does not have a job, there are no certainties that he will get something secured. There are situations with our home in Oly, to much to even share here. There are no certainties with that. I could be in the PNW without my husband and struggling to make ends meet for a Looonng time before we are united. Right now, its not wise for our preteen boy to be without a dad, and not right for our new kids to have dad not be present. Many old feelings will arise for them.

My heart HURTS. I want to be home. To be honest I don't want this to be home.

I want things to go back like they were. I want Him to tell me, just another few months Nat, just hold strong. Nothing.

Chief says focus on the positives. So I need to write them out.

1. MY FAMILY

2. KIDS LOVE THE SCHOOL

3. GREAT EDUCATION and RESOURCES

4. AMAZING CHURCH!

5. SUPER COOL FRIENDS (I need to work harder on plugging in there!)

6. DOUBLE COUPONS (I know the dumbest thing to maybe you, but here they double coupons!)

7. SUNSHINE

Not sure when the "doors" will be opened to go back home. I pray one day.

UNKNOWN with the IromeoS

2011-08-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

Oh Nelly. Let me tell you its been a week. If you are an adoptive parent that is battling with the I*romeo*S (coded so they don't come after me!) and are awaiting on the lllllllloooooooooonnnnnngggggg Refund dear one I feel your pain. I filed our taxes in Feburary followed by what would be a plethora of correspondence back and forth ,back and forth sometimes more us than them. MOST times more us than them. Every letter that came in the mail changed the last status. Need more documents, send more proof, we lost the documents you sent twice already would you resend them., send a locket of their hair and DNA too! Oh yeah right on it. For SIX MONTHS. My favorite part is this one. SO, I made a mistake on one of our new kids Social I added a 5 instead of an 8 and do you know what happens when you do this? When you mess with the socials...YOU get penalized. Yes sir a whopping $1678 penalty because they have to go in and change the dang number. So I don't bore you I will skip to the #2345 letter and phone call. Were we got an advocate to join our side and help us. She notified us a few weeks ago that the I ROMEO S will grant us our refund and waive the penalty. We were so happy because thats what our move money will come from. moving across the county is no small fee. We needed to have the money at least on its way before we took of.

Alas the phone call that really rattled me. The phone call came and this one will shock you...maybe...it did take me for a spin! The grand I*Romeo* S made a mistake. The 6th yes, its been examined SIX times said they are not going to give us what we asked, they are also not going to remove the penalty. And this week, the week that we are to get our truck in on Friday I fly next week Wen. BUT this all can change with one phone call that says. We will get nill, zero, nada. WHICH changes the game plan in a BIG way.

We would be moving in with my parents...and staying in Georgia if thats the case. We will just make things work till we get a new place.

The crazy thing is, the thing that boggles my mind. Is I have an immense peace, I can not understand but to say that this is God just giving me a peace that He will place is where he wants us no matter what. I have come to realize this is for His Glory not mine. Ruth 1:16 "Where you GO I GO!" If its here in Northwest Georgia, or far North in Pacific Northwest Washington. My contentment is in HIM, not where he places me. WOW, if you know me, thats a HUGE undertaking. Is God not amazing!!

SO...tick tock awaiting for the call. ..they have up till tomorrow.

New Ideas for the old space

2011-08-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

SO thankful for Pintrest, its a site that lets you make up your own pinbords of things you like, things you want to make, want to cook. For people with borderline ADHD, its a mess! It has helped me "Pin" (pun intended totally) down my style, so I can PiNp my house! OF COURSE I will have to do plenty of this little by little when the pennies are saved. sigh.Here is whats on my Pinboard looks like as of late. You may look at more of my board here.

Scroll bellow for how the old pad looks
I want to paint a wall this chalkboard color and make it a wall of Goodness. Have Psalm 23: 6 "Surely Goodness and Mercy will follow me all the days of my life" then in small computer font add statements of how good God has been to our family thus far. I may need a BIG wall ;)

Inspiration Jones Design

Pillow Love:

The walls will be this color wheat/grey. Inspiration Emily from Jones Design

I will attempt to do this painted wall paper...don't laugh. I will try!

Have I told you I love scripture? I EAT it sing it, can't live without it. I love the way my bible smells and nothing is more calming than the pages that turn. Why not have it all over my house?!
Say Hello to this couch grey, tufted love!
Alas the ottoman I will attempt to do own my own!

PINTEREST: and Old space

2011-08-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

Like I need a new hobby while packing...but I admit I am excited to get into my own walls so I can repaint the walls, and make it "home". I have changed my decor taste, seriously I think this happens to people every five years! My old house looks like this. There is a combo of Cottage beach and French. Don't ask it just happened. This is a 70s house we redid the floors and trimming still needs a ton of work!! But here it is.

The Kitchen CLEARLY needs updating, but until I can come up with 32,000 it will have to do! Do you see the classroom cabinets, come on...right?

This fireplace is begging for a re-do and a mantle. Should I paint that paneling white? would you?

I can do the chepo chango like painting and just change up a few things right?

Go ahead give me Ideas I need them!!!

Busy days-2 week count down

2011-08-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

We pack, we take down, we repack, we find loose change, we find lost toys, we toss the lost toys. We find the lost toys in the garbage that certain say individuals take out. We rummage through the goodwill pile to find possessions we forgot about that all of a sudden because valuable.

Its been crazy emotions round these here parts. <------ take note of the Southern.

We are crazy sad to be leaving awesome family. When I say awesome that in itself is an understatement. My little cousin Oscar takes the prize for best ever. He takes the kids to fun places the other day Jman lost his free ticket he earned with a reading program to Wild Waves. Oscar purchased his ticket and they ventured out together all day. He comes over on his days off to just hang, watches alien series with us. I want a little Oscar is Washington ;(

Excited to see Washington family, excited to get reconnected, excited to have them get to really know the new kiddos. Excited to see old friends and make new ones.

This is torture for me. Horribly terribly most definitely desperately sad that my hubby will have to leave again. Wanting a miracle to happen in the job situation. When you think of it pray for us will you. Tonight he did two things I would not be able to figure out myself. I am not a dummy. This babe has brains, but, Cell phones, and the sound of the HD system...well I can't figure them.

I cry just a little each time, I wake to morning fresh brew.

One year and counting

2011-08-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

Our new kids have been home from Accra Ghana for one year and a month. I am not sure how to word the last year. Its been a journey. A testing of faith a testing of self.

Our daughter came with much fight in her. She is a survivor what her little 8 year old heart has endured is nothing short of a miracle that she just didn't crawl into a corner and die. She was a wild child when she entered into our doors. Orphanage learned behavior. Fight for what you want, lie when you want it, self- sufficient and self persevering. She was a three year old stuck inside of a 8 year old body. Fight, was (is) her survival instinct. She wanted to show me why she was unworthy of love. When I loved her I was telling her that she was a lier because she was (in her mind) unworthy. I have never parented a child like this. I was failing and it was in my face multiple times a day. I was weary from the war scares left by other people on this girl, it was not even my fault but every day it became my fault. I was the one that wanted to love and so I was the wrong in the automatic wrong. So how did we cope?

Entering into a family DOES NOT make everything go away. The journey is NOT over when the paper chase is done. The Hurt and trauma that took a few years to have will often be a lifetime of healing. Going to Conferences such as this one and this one made me much wiser in what I was dealing with and how to heal heal my daughter and son without losing all the brain cells I once had :)! Joining forums and groups that had similar families have been a life saver. Books written from professionals that deal with kids from traumatic backgrounds like this and this were key. Becoming therapeutic parents was the answer. Trying to escape the books we read for our first kids was difficult all the messages we were given for the first kids WOULD NOT WORK on kids like this. Also being a person that has abuse in her background (NOT FROM MY PARENTS...just to clarify!) and has had some deep pain and nasty scars for years because of it, I feel connected in a way I never would have to my daughter. Watching her unfold even a tiny bit at a time has been therapeutic for me. Watching the rage inside her, reminded me of the rage in my own heart. God used her for me and me for her in ways so profound only a Masters hand can be involved in .

Our boy: OH LORD AL MIGHTY! This one came to us at 4 but really at 24 months emotionally. At night the little man became a baby. Baby talk, wanted to be bottle fed. We did. Wanted to be rocked. We did. Wanted to be swaddled. We did. He is also totally a sensory kid. All over the place wild child. Nothing slows him down. He is destructive even though it has slowed down (the destruction) not the energy its still something that lands him trouble daily. Stinker. We had a better bonding experience with little man. No rages, No crazy emotional roller coaster. He is so comfortable with us. Now he openly tells me how much he misses his birth mother. We allow our children the opportunity for this and never shut it down. I want them to miss their birth mothers. If I was in the same shoe, I would want my biological children to miss me. Plus if we speak about it often the less it will come out as an anger outburst. He shares this with us a few times a month. I have found the more open we are of it, the better they both are. Some days I see someone that reminds me of Birth mom and I say "look who does that remind you of, oh she is so beautiful just like ___!'' Or we are at a store and G or E say birth mom would LOVE that. To which I always say something along the lines of "you are probably right, it would be so nice in her pretty dark skin too!" I never get offended. In fact I think of her as a third parent in our relationship her presence is here as long as it is welcomed by them.

Where are we now? One year later. We have come a long way. We have a super long way to go. Sometimes things regress back to the old days. I am better at gauging the future. Some days its very unpredictable some days I say to Chief "this one will send her for a loop, be prepared!" We are MUCH better at keeping our cool. Some times he more than I sometimes I more than him. Sometimes we BOTH loose it, because it can be very draining. Parenting non-traumatized kids can do it to you to!! For the most part our girl is NO where close to what she looked like entering our doors. There is more confidence in her walk. There is more thought process and she makes a choice. There is some days even some good emotion talk " I am so angry right now, I want to throw something! Good talks. There are plenty things still there. We cope, we help heal, we go back to the books and ask questions. We take breaks to give to our biological children and our baby (who is 4..tear), they need us just as much.

ONLY in Gods Grace. Not at all by my own power is this even possible. I fall short, every time. He has to go before me daily. I have never gone to his Throne like I do now.

One year later, I am a different person.

The Tween tails

2011-08-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

Our oldest will be 11 in September. We have officially entered into a territory of no return. Mood swings, eye rolling, huff and puffing, withdrawn, and the occasional girl blush. YES. His body is changing...ekk! I am terrified. I do everything wrong at this stage too. I never understand his thoughts, oh and I am way out of the cool loop. I am no longer first. I am no longer the impeccable and perfect mother (I never was, but to this guy I was at one point!) I have flaws and I am reminded by them now several times a day. I know..it hurts.
I get this is a stage, I understand every child will enter a time in life where they question parents, where they question themselves. I think we never really grow from the questioning of ourselves.
The part I don't like is that my boy is questiong his faith. Excuse me while I wipe the tears so I can see the keyboard. .... okay. This is also something we all have to come to, how to see Jesus for our own lives. Not have the faith of our parents, but knowing Jesus from our own experience.
Its something I have prayed for "Jesus be real to Him, not through me, through YOU!'' but when it comes.. it will take you for a spin. Some days I have said the wrong things. Some days my jaw drops to the questions, only because I have raised this boy from baby to love Jesus. You can not teach someone to love someone you simply lead as an example and pray they are catching on pray they are watching.
Even still. The questions come. Even still, the child is building his own faith. We are both having growing pains!

Kisses from Katie.mp4

2011-08-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

As someone who calls themselves a Christian it is very apparent that you are to Love the Lord with all your heart and you are to Love your neighbor as yourself, myself doesn't want to be starving so I don't want other people to be starving!" Katie

Its simple.

The strong one

2011-07-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

This is chief, he is the leader of the tribe. He is my first in command, general in the army, President of the house, my BFF FF FF and FF.

Deciding to move back to Olympia without him is making me doubt going back at all. I know, I am a total wimp. He is unable to secure postions right now and there is no hope in sight for it at the moment. In fact we hear it may not even be till late January and thats just a small glimpse.

We both knew this may indeed be the issue but it was confirmed for us yesterday. We both decided that its best for the kids to start a new school year at their old school instead of mid year. Plus our Olympia house needs TLC and we know thats where we both want to be.

So I am being a whinny wimp because this guy in the butter to my bread, honey in my tea, okay you get the idea. He is the one that locks our doors at night, checks the kids before we retire for sleep, take out the nasty garbage, mows the lawn, makes sure there is oil in the car and check the radiator/transmit-or thinga- ma- giggys. Also on a tough kid day, I know I will get help when he comes home and some respite. Not to mention we really like each other and love being together even in mudane things such as watching deadliest catch and whale wars. If I am watching a comedy and he is not next to me I turn my head to laugh anyways, then I realize he is not in the chair next to me. I said that out loud, tell me some of you do that to?

Sigh sigh...sigh...sigh.

I can do this, I think I can I think I can. I don't want to wahhhh. This is my train of though lately. I am co-dependent, I admit. So.

PLEASE Be praying for job security. PLEASE pray that if nothing happens in that area, I would be BRAVE.

Who will make the coffee? sniff.

You have heard it said: Never a dull moment

2011-07-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

(I just did a quick search for crazy photos of our family. I would have 982 if I downloaded some more crazy ones!)

I have heard this so many times, in fact if I had a penny for every time I hear "Never a dull moment at the Teabos" I would be a gazillionare. True we live a life that frightens most folks out of their seats. True we make decisions based on where we feel the Lord is leading at the moment. True almost 98.99 % we look like total idiots to the outside world. True. Also true that we are now and maybe always be more fanatical and risk taking that the common folk. All that intro to tell you this...

WE MOVE BACK TO 5045 an awesome home on a cul-de-sac in Little South Olympia Washington. This all happening next month.

There are many details to iron out. Chiefs positions at work is not certain so I may be a single mama for a bit. Maybe longer than a bit.

We have plenty of questions we have been asked. I will answer a few of them, not because we feel like we have celebrity status or anything. ;0

WHY, Didn't you want to be closer to your family?

So, let me be the first to admit. I spent the first 12 years of our marriage wishing I was by my mom and dad and needing to be closer. DREADING rain, dreading the grey. When we saw that my dad was getting more and more ill, we did what we felt was needing to be done. We packed up family to be closer to him. My kids got to know my family, we had never had this opportunity before ever. Would not have happened otherwise. When we packed up from Olympia and headed South we really thought this would be a permanent move. We had prepared ourselves that this is something we needed to do, and we were going to be okay. A few months after our move (so normal with any move) our children began to miss home terribly. We found that in our own way we too were so sad. We kept trucking along. The sadness got stronger and never went away. Its okay, we move forward. It will one day become home to us...right? We began to pray and fast and seek. Still our hearts grew founder and grew more for home. I began to call Olympia home, I began to miss it terribly. Something that surprised me. Still to this day. Its a great place its beautiful, but it lacked my family and for me that was IS huge. Then the guilt. My parents moved from their home in Florida so we can finally in my deepest desire of my heart be together. It quilted me into needing things to just work out here. I could not do this to them. The sadness continued. My parents noticed. The gave me permission ..I know I am an adult, I don't need permission. I guess the blessing to do what I felt I needed to do for my own tribe. The feeling of longing growing stronger and stronger within me. Chief is a trooper , he is A Pacific Northwestern Breed and I love him to stinking pieces for taking on the heat, and the horrid humidity to try this out. He is the best kind of best. Also it really mended us close as a family. I am much more a Northwestern Greener than a Southern belle. I know so many are you are shocked to hear this, because I always complained of the weather and the northwest dreayness. So this really long explanation to say. We miss home. We don't feel the South is our home. We are moving forward.

Did you not like Georgia?

Oh goodness no. There were so many friends we made here, and so many things we do like. School being one, church at Four Points was amazing. Not to mention the best restaurants ever. HELLO family is here as well. Best cousins you could ask for. Endless blessings.

We do not like the humidity one single bit, We do not like that most summer days were spent indoors because we could not leave the house for fear of heat stroke. Snakes, not my fave, spiders not Franks fave and the ticks and fleas no thanks. Cicadas are from the devil. There are other detials I wont even bore you with.

Other than that its really pretty.

What about your family?

I know. This one aches a ton. We love them to heaven and back. It will be hard departing. They are so supportive of what is best for us. My parents are now retired and I am hoping this means more time on vacation when they visit us. Not the same, I know. I don't want to start on this one.

Do you even have friends still in Washington?

Ha, okay no one asked that but its the thought I get in my mind . What if everyone has moved on, and no one will be my friend now. :-) I know this to not be true. SO, I ask you this old pals. When we come home towards the end of the month (AUGUST!) hug my neck, I really want to be a better friend to all of you. Your awesome and I can not even wait to see Y'all again!

Prayer Request:

1. All the details I want Chief to get jobs settled, otherwise I will be solo, and I really do not like being away from him for longer than 10 hours!

2. Transition for the new kids. We have come a LOOONG way and I know we will face some behaviors for control battle again. sigh.

3. All the other details involved in a big move.

Thanks everyone.

2011-07-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

“Jesus, forgive and free me, when I live like a relational piranha—nibbling on others’ brokenness and inconsistencies more than I feast on the gospel… holding onto un-forgiveness just to gain advantage in a relationship…rehearsing the sins of others (to others) more than I remember the way you’ve forgiven me. Convict and forgive me when I’m being petty rather than patient… critical rather than compassionate… mean rather than merciful. Help me know when overlooking the failures of others wouldn’t be cowardice, but courage… when “covering a matter” wouldn’t be a cover up, but a gospel act. Help me learn how to conflict redemptively, rather than destructively… for your glory.

Lord Jesus, we’re free… I’m free… only because of you. Help us to steward this costly freedom in a world of broken people and broken relationships this very day, and tomorrow as well. So very Amen, we pray, in your glorious and grace-full name.”

Scotty Smith of Christ Community Church Tennessee

Dug this up from a friends blog, it has been something I have in the quiet in the deepness of solitude been chewing on. This Pastor Scotty Smith from Tennessee put into words what I have been struggling with for so long. Yes and Amen.

Meet my new nephew: Baby Ethan

2011-07-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

Beware the plethora of baby pictures will make you want to jump on the baby wagon and start making babies right now. ;0

My sister the pretty mama
Big sister meets baby brother

I interrupt the blog silence by showing you what is taking up my heart lately. This little guy. My new nephew born on July 5, I can not stop holding him. Can not stop looking at him, smelling the gushy between his toes and watching him yawn and make funny baby faces. Born to my sister and her husband and little brother to my niece Natalie. I melt when I see him Chief goes back to melting days and I want to sneak him in my bag when I leave my moms house. The go back to Arkansas in three days and I can not stand it.

gulp F-O-R-G-I-V-N-E-S-S and an IDOL

2011-06-18T07:09:00.001-07:00

Welcome this day to a piece of my heart that has been open, wounded, sored and then calloused and then revived! Did I loose you, walk with me a bit.

When the chief and I came back from our first adoption of little Ruby. I was ruined, gloriously but ruined from what I saw in Ethiopia. No longer were theses photos on the other side of my computer screen. I had seen faces, touched hands, and the memory of these burnt me. For a few years I had lost touch with the world around me. I did not want to be in the world around me. The only thing I can compare it to is being in a war (I was never in a real war) but my Father was and when he came back from Vietnam it changed him to the core. My mother says that he slept with a knife under his pillow. He was disturbed, never to be the same again.

In our time in Ethiopia we went to a Mother Theresa's Mission of Charity hospital. We were the first group to travel with our agency and the coordinator in Ethiopia wanted to show us the clinic. We were game with that, I mean how bad can it be? We left our children at the transition home and went to town. We were dropped off at the hospital that was behind a closed gate. She (the agency coordinator) got out chatted with the hospital director a French Doctor and then told us she has errands to run. PAUSE. Have you been in Africa to run an errand, now I know this takes ALL DAY! :) The French Doctor took us on a hospital tour, the doctors and nurses here were all volunteer workers. Many young adults mostly from Europe, with gloves on, and compassion in their eyes. We began very quick to smell something familiar and disturbing. Injera bread and rotting flesh. I know nasty. I can never forget the smell. We entered the hospice ward where we thought the French doctor would just pass. We ENTERED IT. The beds were full, full of dying people with full blown AIDS, I had never seen a person with AIDS before, and then Leprosy. There were beds and beds. Most of us held our breath, the stench of it would literally knock you over. All the while trying to not hold our hands over our face or even grimace. We exited, and thought that with the look of shock on our faces we would not continue through the halls of hospice. We went through a corridor, thank goodness. Then this is what changed us for forever. We entered the children's Hospice room. A familiar feeling of loosing our son Hudson drew tears to my eyes and a great lump in my throat. A sudden shock to my knees I did not want to be here, I did not want to see this, remove me and do it fast oh please. A child came towards us with open sores covering her body. Fleshy sores, she held out her hands to me, the closer she got the more alarmed I grew. What is going to happen she will give me her leprosy, oh my good God! She came closer and I realized this child about 7 was blind. Her eyes were almost closed shut she did not stop. She touched me and I pulled her closer and so did another young girl on our team she was an American teenager in Ethiopia with her mom to pick up her siblings. Talk about life changing for this teen. There were more kids, with more leprosy all craving to be touched. My sense of freak out was super naturally calmed.

We walked into the building full of children in cribs, crippled, blind, lepers, I can not tell you that my body just standing because Christ was holding me. It was as if I walked right into the Gospels in the bible itself. I wanted to cry from the top of my lungs, "JESUS HEAL THEM, Take my life, take me, heal them!" I looked around at the other parents, forgetting I was in a room with other Americans. Not a dry eye, and no words. We just had no words. I asked the French doctors many questions about there care. How will they be saved, who will help them, can they be adopted. He answered me Many of these children will die, we are doing what we can to make them comfortable with what we have. No one will adopt them.

What felt like hours in this room was probably only 30 minutes then our ride was here. No one spoke, not a sound. It disturbed me for ever.

All that to say, when I came back to the United States, everything I did, said, were tinged through what I had saw. The little girls face would come up in my mind in normal day circumstances. When I went to Bible Study and moms would ask for prayers for there busy schedules to not be overwhelmed with life because they had to much going on,I wanted to vomit. When I was in a circle of women and we would chat about mundane life, and one of them would complain about needing more room in their house maybe a playroom and a quest room, I wanted to scream "WHO THE HELL CARES; DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE YOU SPOILED BRAT!" I didn't yell it. But I just removed myself, I could no longer relate. It was a lonely place and I could only at that time relate to others like me who have been shaken into action.

Lets skip a few years to today. The Lord has been doing something in my heart that has been hugely hard. He has shown me how much a good thing can turn into an idol. Even if its a noble, amazing, humble, righteous, and completely selfless. I read this a few weeks ago from my friend Laura. Little by little the Lord had been showing me, that in my desire to seek less of those around me because I can not relate I have became unapproachable. I have also alienated many around me because I felt they have alienated me for being this person. In the forgiveness that I have to walk in each day just like my friend Amy speaks of here she also mentions how the forgiveness has taught her not to hold grudges. Grudges are easy to have when you feel righteous in your actions. The Lord had asked Chief and I to do something BIG that would shake the foundation of our being. Bringing our kids home we have done that. We have had many criticalness come our way, and that is very normal for others following a grand call like this. It would be way too easy otherwise right? Since when has the Lord been for Easy?! What stands to great love is the ability to love and forgive when the words have slayed you, or not holding it personal because it is His to take offense. I took offense greatly. This is the part where some major surgery is in the works.

I am still this person, this completely crazy passionate for orphan care, Africa, and the poor, chica. I will always be this girl. This lesson my great God is teaching me is not to become less of that person. Its to become more of Him through this passion, with love, with forgiveness, and not letting it take over my entire thinking, letting HIM take it over. It can, some days it does. Its okay to be knocked on the side of the head, most times very necessary! I wish everyone could have been there in Mothers Theresa that day, for perspective. It won't stop me from sharing, reaching, educating about orphan care when I can. Our family was chosen to be a walking testimony after all!

It does change my heart for others that don't share the same compassion. The grudges in my heart have become almost non-existent to where I am free to love. Only because of Him.Forgiveness has washed away my bitterness and with the Love that has helped me with that, I am hoping that others on the other side of that grudge would also walk in forgiveness towards my offenses towards them.

humbled,

Nat

Is Love Enough?

2011-06-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to a blog this weekend. Is it possible to be best friends with someone you have never meet? Because I am sure Christine from welcome to my brain meets the standard. Free spirited, courageous, CRAZY and she is what she calls herself a Therapeutic parent. A parent that has traumatized children and helps them heal while trying to maintain relationship by parenting in a therapeutic way.
She has a series of videos that I have watched all weekend. They are funny, they have made me cry, and they have made me feel connected with what we experience on a daily basis, shared by many parents with hurt kids. My favorite video, the one that got me right to the core, was this video she made about Is Love Enough .Christine quotes from 1st Corinthians the LOVE chapter. If you have read the bible plenty of time you have read this one. In her video she share she wants to love the way she wants to be loved. Genius, right. Only when she read it I thought about my new kids and it ached me to the core
"And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. " This I took as "even if you did what I asked you to do, even if you out of faith followed me if you have Not Love you have NOTHING!" ouchie.

Because this is LOVE:
LOVE is PATIENT
LOVE is KIND

IT is NOT:
Jealous Proud Arrogant Rude

It does Not:
Dishonor others Self-Seeking Not Easily Angered
KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONG Delight in evil

LOVE:
DEFENDS PROTECT ALWAYS TRUST ALWAYS HOPES
Preservers

Father. Help me love like I want to be loved.

I officially miss home.

2011-06-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

Okay stop. I know what you are going to say, its my blog right let me just say it. Moving on is hard. Let me tell you the easy parts of being somewhere completely new.

1. No one knows you from Adam. So you don't have any one with preconceived thought of you that don't know you for who you are, and only from someones opinion. Or visa versa. So you never hear oh Natalie Teabo oh, I hear she is a blah blah blah or that she did fill in the blanks. I'm sure I may be guilty of some of those, but really I HATE girl drama. I may have a few years ago enjoyed being apart of gossip circles or even basked in the acceptance of some, or I am sure added to the girl drama. Not today I am over it, its overrated and we as Godly women should not fall prey to them, or if we do, learn from it, forgive, move on. So by being somewhere new you can present yourself with a new self and someday s that just feels awesome!

2. Its exciting. New adventures can be so exciting. Finding new places to shop, worship, meeting new people. It can all be a great way to share Jesus more. Love those!

3. The South is a bible belt. Values here are HUGE. I love this. Our school has so many christian families it really should be a Christian school, but you know its not. Its so refreshing to see that values are not dead in America. In Olympia its still there, but really face it we Christians are the minority. So sitting with my kids at the tables at lunch and hearing the kids compare bible stories at a public school, blows my mind.

4. MY FAMILY. Bar none this the my favorite part. We are at my parents home every single day or they are here. We share meals about three times a week. My dad can not go a day without seeing the kids. He checks my tires, tweak things that need tweaking. They take one kid almost every day. Free babysitting every Sunday night. NOT EVEN KIDDING. It freaks Frank some days he says "we should not bombard all your parents time, or lets now let them watch the kids for a while, it may be tiring them!" HA. Try not to let them, they will be over in a less than a day wondering what the heck happened.

Its just so nice.

Here are the things I miss back home

1.My friends. Oh my sweet precious friends, that I ache for in the deepest of my heart. I am meeting some new buds here and I truly love them. BUT, do you know those friends that make imprints in your heart forever, those treasures, you know who you are. The ones that can call you and just by the tone in your voice can know what is happening in your life. The ones that have gone through major heart ache with us loosing our son Hudson, those that stuck to us through healing, through just being there. Those. Miss them, like crazy.

2. Other side of family. My nephews, oh my heart. The cousins love missing that. Miss the kids just playing, exploring and growing together. Other sisters, brothers, mother, and father.

3. The mountains, the apples, the water, the small town (Olympia is a small town!!) the closeness of everything. My favorite stores being so close, if they opened up Whole Foods Market I would be back in a jiffy ;)!! The river, the rain. WHAT?! I said the rain. I am a freak, I know. The Neighbors cause we had the best ones. The dentist, the eye doctor, and the hair cut lady. My favorite barista at Starbucks. The clerk that new my kids names at Safeway, she probably thinks something tragic happened, because I never had the heart to tell her we were moving. The walks by the Capital lake, the cider at the Cider Mill, the Turkey Jerky from the farmers market. Waving at friends cars when we passed each other in traffic. The lack of bugs, snakes and heat.

4. The comfort of my own house. I miss my house. Mine.

Someone told me before I moved (a military wife, who moved 12896 times) that everything about a place you never saw you will miss when you leave.

There take some pity with me, drink it. There be done. the end. Life goes on.

Parenting a child with symptoms of RAD

2011-06-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

Parenting a child with RAD Reactive Attachment Disorder symptoms can be exhausting to say the least. We don't have an official diagnosis for our daughter adopted one year ago from Ghana. However we have read countless books that tell us she is textbook for this diagnosis. We do believe her to have a mild form but we are still in the midst of many many hurdles.
Our girl has come a LONNNGGGG way from the beginning. Our first few months alone we both did not know what on earth we were doing, how to do it, and we had even begun to fall into a very dark place. Its was easier to just fall into despair and shut the world out because of not knowing how to cope and where to even go. Alas, I am one that does not fear the doctors couch ;)! To the couch we went for a few months sharing our frustration learning to cope and to help heal our daughter and ourselves. One year later to the date and there are still episodes, though they are far in between, they still exist and when they arise its is as if the last year was worth nothing and in that moment you feel like there in no progress. That moment is short lived when you realize again the little girl with her arms crossed in front of you saying she has no love in her heart for someone with messy hair like me, and pants inside out (today I had my workout pants on yes inside out) and for someone who is so hateful and mean like me, is a hurt child who love has hurt her. Why would she want love, it hurts. Our daughter is capable of love, let me tell you, when her arms are around us with a genuine spirit its a love that is so full with everything inside. Until the moment comes when fear has let in, this is too much love, I can not handle another moment, I will do something to push it away, even if all is well.
For instance today we had a scenario like this.
I am a mean mom I make my kids do two math sheets a day so Gs was on her second sheet before any kind of media is plugged in. We were working on skip counting. Here was the problem
___, 60, 61. The answer we all know would be 59. She was stuck here at this number, I suggested she make a number line from the number she knows comes before which in 50 and then count up. Here is where it started. "I don't want to do it that way!" me "fine, is there another way that can help you?" She is just staring at the paper and arms become crossed and I just show her by example how to start. She finished the number line to get the missing number 59. BUT, arms crossed and now she has become just mean to her siblings. I say you may need to go chill out and compose yourself , I can come with you. No movement just hard stare at the ground. Me "G really you seem to need some calm time or just time to collect yourself." I gently remove her from the chair and begin to walk her upstairs where I am anticipating the volcano to erupt. It does. It goes on for about a half hour. Yelling to my face. Hurt words like "I have no love in my heart for someone like you!" "My Ghana family were so much better than this one!" 'Ghana is a better place!" Here is a blog write up from G and Es village. It will haunt you. "My mom loved me and held me you have no love for me!" "You love all kids much better than me. why do you even want me?!" " My life was great in Ghana I had clothes, a better room, much nicer mom. " Look at you sitting with your messy hair and your ugly shirt and your pants backwards" (yes those were all true!) I sit through her countless vent adding my two cents in-between. Her words can now come out and be clear hurtful but clear. When she first was placed in our home this venting would come in other forms. Lying (we still work on this, but not as much!) stealing. Three times I was asked to go to the Target counter to purchase things my purse had strangely had inside. Earrings, bracelets, the ones that have the metal tag that alarms when you leave. I was the lady who said "I didn't put that there,really!" From stealing things from family homes and friends homes. Food hoarding, manipulation this is still something we struggle with but I am way faster at recognizing it and managing.

Back to the room: My turn to talk me still fighting my inside because at this moment, I may get some stones thrown at me, but I wanted to do what was done with me if I spoke to my mom like that, we are Hispanic, you NEVER disrespect your elders, unless you want to die, I would get my ass whipped. At this moment her whole goal is to get me vexed to the point where I loose control of my own self and then she has won. "See you can't control me, and I can control you." It would be a loss of relationship for me to open up a can, she would have gained power and then it would be a loss because really she doesn't really know what she wants. So traditional parenting does not work here. Actually the parenting we have learned from books before does not work for our biological kids at all either.
So here were my words again fighting my anger inside because I do not want her to see that she has vexed me for real " Wow, you had a ton to say. I agree on so many of those even though you were not nice in your words about my pants, my hair etc. I can see that you are so angry you want me to hurt with you, I can see that you want to push me away!" Arms still crossed and there is even some eye rolling going on, a harsh very hard look. Its not G. Its a really ugly hurtful person looking at me.
"You are right I can be mean to my kids. Especially when my kids are being disrespectful I can take things away at that may seem mean. I may push you to do your best and that may seem mean!" Her shaking her head to agree with me. Good we are both agreeing on something.
"Your dead wrong about something. My love for you is HUGE, I adore you, I want you in my family always. I know you are sad and your hurt feels so BIG. I know my love for you is scary!''
Come sit in mamas lap. It came a time when I did not even want to touch her during these moments, I wanted far from her. Some days she won, for my sanity sake. Not this time. Arms still crossed face still harsh, body stiff. I begin to rock her. A very tall child I rock her, her body begin to lessen her tension her voice becomes like a still small voice, when I ask "how is your heart now?" a sweet whisper "good". Mind you these outburst have lasted two hours at a time previous and mind you I have four other kids to care for that walk in and interrupt. I find it gives me a calming point to breath to then focus back. God is good to me ;)!
We sit in this position for five minutes I then say to her "you have said some things not nice to mom, can you apologize for this?" very small voice "I am so sorry for being disrespectful." I then tickle her, wrestle her to the floor, and ask her to smell my arm pits (she said I stink too!) Humor can decipher so much tension. She giggles I see her pretty pearly teeth, there is a genuine hug back to me. All is well again. UNTIL the next trigger.
We have decided to get professional help with her. Its hard looking for a therapist that specializes with adoption. Talk therapy does NOT WORK. These kids have made up stories about the new families that have landed some social workers to remove kids because they believe them. Finally we found a therapist that will come to our home. HALLELUJAH, can you hear me singing. I feel like I am managing just on OK, I want to be awesome and I want to help her be able to share her pain in a productive manner that can be beneficial to her and us.

I know what you may be thinking, why on earth would anyone go through that much trouble? I never can do what you do. I have been told many times, even by close friends and family. Let me tell you something. Ready for my secret " I CANT DO THIS EITHER!" My knees are calloused from begging for Gods help. For Him to break my heart with compassion for her, to have eyes to see her insides and not the yucky mess only. I remember thinking I made a huge mistake in the first few weeks. In my solitude of depression I remember feeling "do I even hear the Lord?!" He lets me sit there without answer for a little while. Then a multitude of love comes over me, a peace floods my body that is not of this world. A voice in my heart says"I have called you to this, You can not do this, You will fail many times. I CAN DO THIS, I WILL DO THIS, I am here, always, I have chosen you for this, I have chosen them for you. In this the Glory will be mine. You have been asked to be used by me for My Glory not your own. You will be called blessed because of ME.!"
I go through the trouble Because the Lord is Lord over me. I would not have chosen this life for my own horn blowing, I mean would you?! I now wonder who needed this more, me or them? My heart has broken to be molded by God even more through this.
So I encourage you if you are in my spot, get help early. I was too busy sulking in my own self pity to get a move on a get on the help. It seems like no one understand you, they may not not. BUT seek help for your other kids. I am lucky to have family rescue me for my own sanity. If you don't have that find awesome friends that can help.
If you have a friend with a child with these symptoms. HELP THEM! They can't do this without a community. Remember the proverb it takes a village. It really does. Help without judging them.
Here is a resource if you are in the Metro ATL area. Attachment and Bonding Center

Remeber sweet Anika (post a few down)

2011-05-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

The baby girl needing a family. SHE HAS ONE!! I am blown away by how God did this. Okay nothing surprises me by HIM, but please read this about her new family and go read her story here.

GLORY TO GOD FOREVER!!!!

I want to adopt BUT..What If I don't love the adopted child like my biological child?

2011-05-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

My second son A man at one month old
Great question. Really it is. This was a GINORMOUS fear of mine. I had three biological sons. We lost one at three months old Hudson Sawyer, you can see his sweet face on the side bar. I was afraid that love could not grow in my heart again. More concerned when we were tossing around the idea of adoption. I nursed my babies, I am fully bonded with them. I would take a bullet for them any day. I can turn into a mama bear for them within seconds. Was this feeling just through biology? Would I share the same heart with a child not from my womb? Can it ever be? Its is a fear that even if we don't say out loud so many of us adoptive parents have shared. If you have biological children then you may remember the same feeling having your second child. Could I love this second child when ALL my love is for my first? How is this even going to work? You have your baby in your arms and you even feel silly at the idea you had about dividing your love, because now you realize your love has the capacity to multiply.
How so with a baby that was not formed inside of you, that spent 9 months getting to know your voice your?
Here is an honest confession. When my babies were placed in my arms my biological babies. Although I knew I would love them, I felt a bit stoic. As if there was to much emotion to even understand what exactly I was feeling. So hours later for sure I am sobbing at the awe of how many fingers and toes they had, the small details of their face and in LOVE.
Fast forward with little Roo placed in my arms at three months old. The exact age of when our son died in our arms. I watched the video with her the other day. I had the same feeling of love and compassion, but it was different. Not in a bad way different not at all. I was shocked at how I could bond this easy with my newly Ethiopian daughter. It was a piece of cake!
NOW FOR THE NEWS THAT WILL BURST YOUR BUBBLE:
Our second adoption I was completely fearful. I was picking up a 4 year old and 8 year old. I had no expectations of this kind of love. I was an instant mom when we said yes to them. I became a mama bear, and was defensive for them and willing to take a bullet for them too! This feeling did not remain the same when we meet for the first time. I hate to break it to you, perhaps I am the minority in this. BUT, I felt that these kids that I loved in a photo, were strangers in my home. My son 4, bonding became very easy with him. It took weeks, but no doubt. I love him just the same! I wish I WISH I could have said the same for my older daughter. Our bonding was not instant in anyways. She was an injured soul. She did everything imaginable to push me away from loving her. Love hurt her, why would she want it? I went through major guilt. How could I feel this way, how can I not have compassion like I do with the others for her?
I can tell you this. The Lord took me (is taking me) through much of the darkness of my own heart through this. It was easy loving a baby. A baby needed me, I needed to be a mama to those babies. This big one, was a bigger baby in another sense. Even though I Love her to pieces now, even though I have my times where I struggle and I know she struggles. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. NO REGRETS. Because even though the love was not instant for me nor for her to me, the Love I have for her and I am having for her as time goes on, is creating a bond with us forever.
So there you have it folks. Its not a Cinderella happy every after story. We have a ton of growth to go a ton of healing ahead of us. Just the same way I can not answer which one of my kids I love the most, I can not answer if I love the bio ones more because they are all equal for me in love in there own time. If you are really honest with yourself there is always one or a couple of kids you are really liking right now and some or one not so much right? Yet you love them all always. Its kinda the same in this stage in our lives. Love grows. Its always growing.
DO not let this overwhelm your heart. Your mama or pappa heart will expand to fit more and more kiddos. Have you ever heard someone say I love my kids but really I wish I stopped at the last two, because Oh my word, I have no love left for them!!! Gee I hope you have not either. You can LOVE a child that is not from your womb, You WILL love a child not from your womb, You will GRIEVE the days they were not with you, as you watch (ed) the things with your bio kids, first steps, first teeth, etc. especially when the growing force behind your lack of ability to is from our Abba daddy!
Praying for you, please let this not keep you from following something you know the Lord has placed in your heart. You will look back at this and think it was a silly idea to not go forward. I promise!

I want to adopt BUT...Series

2011-05-17T06:43:00.000-07:00

Lucky for me Blogger now has a stats tab. You can find what post over the year, months or days have the most hits. I am not surprised to find that this one took the win by hundreds, its about wanting to adopt when your husband does not share the same sentiment. Not surprising becuase I know there are so many of you that want to adopt. You spend countless hours reading posts and filling your key board with tears ;) you want to so bad. So I thought it would be really cool to set up a Series. I call it the I want to adopt BUT series. I would love to hear you share your fears, your aversion or your reason of what is stopping you from following this desire in your heart. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT feel that everyone needs to adopt this series is mainly for others that have the desire yet something is keeping them from perusing it further.

Seriously I would love to post your input. Unanimously if you need it to be. I am so sure that you just like I carried (carry) tons of fears, worries, true concern. I also feel knowledge can be powerful. If you want you can be the first one email me here Natalie if you want to share in the I want to adopt BUT, series. Please share especially if this was a fear you had and are now walking your way through it by jumping in with both feet. OR, if you are in have this question and want to ask others genuinely for their input. I can't wait to hear from you. I want at least two emails by sundown. ;0 GO!

XOXO,
Nat
To start I will go first. I want to adopt, BUT...What If I wont love the adopted child like my Biological child?

Have issues with measuring UP..no? Just me?

2011-05-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

Ever feel under a grand amount of pressure to measure up to a standard you make up for yourself? Sure there are plenty of people in our lives hinting us or boldly sharing the expected standards, some are but not limited to the media, your family, a mother in law or mother, your husband, the perfect room mom, your church, your friends, a friendenmy (those faux friends!)

Indeed we carry these miscomprehended and unattainable standards. They become weights on our ankles and we fail ourselves when we do not meet them. We become slaves to them they guilt us, they overwhelm us, they paralyze us. It becomes a ball and chain and when a new ''should be" comes along we add the chink to the link and it becomes a heaver load. Its a constan battle for me.
I am going to be honest and share with you my "should be's". I wonder if you share the same
1. I should be homeschooling my children.
2. I should be baking all my bread at home
3. I should be cutting every single coupon
4. I should be volunteering more
5. I should be sewing projects at home and making my children's clothing or something
6. I should be having a super clean house every single day
7. I should have behaved children ALL THE TIME
8. I should be teaching my kids more about Jesus
9. I should be giving back to my community
10. I should be I should be I should be Doing, Making, Being, Acting,
The list can go on and on. I SHOULD write more. <-----SEE!
The point is. I never measure up to this standard of the Superwoman I want to be or think I ''should'' be. OR what I think what people think I should be....I know I am a mess! I am reminded by how much I am not by the people around me trying to meet the standard of greatness set before them as well. Never ending cycle of drama, and unmet standards of cosmic crazyiness. I also end up in nervous breakdowns because of not being able to attain not even a fraction on the list.
As a matter of fact just in the last few years I have had a couple nervous breakdowns. A few before we moved ,it is painful, and I thought I was going to die! As much as chief would tell me not to worry about it I was stressed out because I could not stop worrying and they worry about it made me stress out that I was not taking his advice!
Here is what I have learned and am learning about this. ITS NOT FROM GOD! No, sir. This is not from the heart of Jesus for me. The root of this is fear. Perfect Love cast out ALL FEAR.
Fear leads to worry and anxiety. Clearly he speaks in Matthew 6 about not worrying about tomorrow. In 1 Peter he speaks about casting all anxiety on him, you know cause he cares for us!
Why then is it so hard to take the shackles off our feet so we can dance? Psalm 2:3 I get freed and then sell my freedom very fast at the sight of another up and coming new aspiration. Again and again. Aspire, fail to the standard set before by myself.
I can not attain all of those in one person, I am just me. Laundry never seeing the bottom of the laundry basket, loosing my keys, receipts always falling out of my wallet, forgetting to pull the meat out to defrost, going to the grocery store without my list, saying a curse words when I stub my toe ME. I am a mess.
Lord, Jesus help me and all of us, the woman (and MEN) that get boggled down with a standard set before us that is not of you or for your Glory. Break the shackles off our feet so that we may be able to dance in the freedom you set before us. Restore the image that you want us to be that is in your word and help us to be wise and discerning for the falsehood that so quickly come and destroy what you have already shown.
Amen.

Little Treasure sweet baby girl Anika

2011-05-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

Friends, I want to share with you something. Pace yourself for this one, it may make you fall over with shock. I'm in love with this sweet angel and we as a family, kids, hubby and all involved are advocating on her behalf to find a forever family for this child . Folks meet Anika Is she not the cutest darling you ever did see you know aside from Ruby and all. she is 2.
Let me tell you a little story about how God knocks people off their seat all the time. Chief has had a country on his heart for a few months he had been emailing an organization about a mission trip unannounced to me ;). When he told me about it and mentioned all the countries that he had an option to go to, I already knew which ones I would choose to go to . South Africa and Ethiopia, or Ghana. FOR SURE. duh. Then came the bombshell. He told me he was wanting to go on his own and have me stay home. He wanted to go. Bummed. Then came the other bumming news, I would assume that since our kids are from Africa, it would make sense for him to go to Africa right. Giggle, NO. The country that he said he wanted to go to was not on my radar not ever. I even remember thinking in my heart and mind, I would never ever want to go there. Russia? Russia, what!? Why. Anyways, it bothered me. I know silly, all I could think of was what if a child wanted him to be his or her daddy if he were to end up going, not Russia.
Then I ended up on Recces Rainbow after listening to a friend speak on Down Syndrome adoption and the sweet angel she just brought home. Quick grab a tissue and update your homestudy before going to the site. There are photos and photos of children waiting for a mama, children with special needs and children older like my kids waiting. I scrolled over to a tab and held my heart as I passed the angels on there and then this girl HIT me like a ton of bricks. So hard I sobbed right there on the computer then I clicked on her link, she is from RUSSIA of' course she is!
Our family is in LOVE, no kidding, I have never seen our kids pray for a child so much like they do with little Annika. I so wish I could make her apart of my family, I would in a heart beat, but she is not ours. I wish she was I wish. Frank wants her to be ours. BUT WE CAN MAKE HER OURS in a way.

This is where the awesomeness comes in read from a mom who is taking charge for this child to find her a family.

why does Anika wait?

the real answer is because her family just hasn't found her yet,

but i would guess that 2 other things play into it.

the fact that she is HIV+.

the fact that her adoption will cost a total $33,000.

i couldn't quit thinking about her. i woke up thinking about her.

i fell asleep hearing the gentle whisper that her family was out there...

that she wasn't our daughter, but we could help her home.

i would hug our Anika...safe, secure, loved....& be filled with sadness

for the Anika across the world who might have no concept of what those things mean.

so, i just want to clear up those 2 'barriers' that are keeping her waiting.

first, the fact that she's HIV+.

if you haven't heard the truth about HIV, you have to visit Project Hopeful.

the truth is that there is ZERO risk of transmitting HIV to someone else through casual contact.

this includes: hugging, kissing, biting, sharing food, taking a bath, sharing a toilet seat.

HIV is very manageable & with proper care, people with HIV have a normal life expectancy.

children with HIV need to take medication twice a day & see their

pediatric infectious disease doctor every few months.

that's it.

the second barrier? i understand that adoption is expensive.

the beauty in that is the way it allows others to rally around you

and bless you. so, i believe that Anika has a family out there.

i want to bless them.

i want them to see her sweet, little face & know.

i want them to not have money be an obstacle.

i want to make the difference for one. for Anika.

[and pray that it ripples, ripples, ripples.]

here is where you come in.

don't run. this is so easy. so fun.

i am giddy with excitement to watch this play out.

150 people [you!] have a get together in the month of May.

they invite 9 of their friends to have a night in instead of a night out.

each of those 9 friends [and you!] bring $20 to donate to Anika's adoption fund.

150 parties x 10 people x 20 dollars = $30,000

Anika's life spared from an institution & the hope of being part

of a loving family simply because you shared her story & had

a fun night with your friends in her honor!

Join us would you please. Join us in helping her We are hoping to raise 200+ towards her adoption cost. If you would like to help send me an email, otherwise we are planning a small function very soon this month in May, to see this angel home!

Funnies @The Tribe

2011-04-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Funnies that are Ha Ha funny and funnies that are the curl up in a ball and suck my thumb so I can escape funny, I must find humor in my days. Otherwise I would be a total grup arrrsss (said in a Austin Power voice!)

Welcome to my life. So the day was set to be a nice warm day, sunshine out my window, birds singing on my doorstep, you get the idea. Started to warm my tea kettle to nuzzle into my herbal tea Peach and Jasmine. One hour later after "chatting"on the phone with the IRS, I hear my three year old yell that something on fire. Yes mam, I burnt the tea kettle to a crisp. {positive my dad took it home to reuse it as a plant pot!}

My kids were complaining about the milk, they can not stand nonfat milk, so like I do say tough love that's what we got, add it to your cereal or add water. Tiff tiff. When I went to add a little milk to my tea I saw some curds and then I notice the date. Oh snap, they were complaining of the SPOLED MILK! {Postive: no one got sick, well not hospitalized at least}

As I was massaging my little Rs hair, I noticed something bumpy, then the bump moved. LICE?! No, my sister who is the expert at ticks and such infomed me it was a tick, and then spent the next hour removing them from my dogs hair after examing everyones scalp. {Postive: it was only one tick in little Rs hair, and we removed it. It didn't suck to much of her scalp...gross!}

Can you tell Willy the great is loving the attention!

I break for this. Nutella on a warm toast have you ever tasted such a thing. If not, why? Its goodness and richness is utter peace in a chaotic day. Try it try it and you may I say.

The list goes on: Found a half made quesedilla in the drawer. NO ONE made it.

Friends this one sent me over a little with laughter, and then a little embarrasment. SO, we found these cut up in my 5 and 7 year olds closet. Just laying there, waiting like a bait. They are cut from a Victoria Secret postcard I had in my UNDERWARE drawer its just one of those postcards they send out for your birthday. You know free undies and such, but then the free undies end up costing you 50 bucks becuase you see the bra for sale or more undies that match your free one. ANYWHO, here it was in my sons closet. NO ONE FESTED UP. My wise sister gave me an idea since there was a tattoo on the model, we needed to find the artist and if we found the artist we would find the guilty party. Everyone wrote the names on the families (not knowing why I was asking.) One kid didn't want to. BUT, we grabbed a homework sheet from that one kids backbacks and what do you think we found.

Yes, Guitly as charged. Lets just say, we had a modesty chat or lecture. BUT I am sure, the child will not go threw my drawer for a while.

Confession: Laundry responsibilty

2011-04-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

For your humor my friends, and so that you may see a tiny bit into my life enough to know I am not the perfect, tidy, well fit mother you all think I am ...what.. what... did you say over there?!

This is my seven year old Pjs/underoo drawer. In my attempt to teach my children responsibility ahem to make it easier on my three loads a day. I have taught them to put away their own pj's and underwear, socks, the easy stuff. I sometimes go behind them to make sure it all went into the right drawer to spare the morning fight of A trying to get his sweet cheeks into little Es undies and yes this has happened. TO my alarming surprise, Because my seven year old is neat as a Pin ( ;) this was in his drawer.
Lets talk about the contents shall we. You will see broken hangers, old projects and new homework assignments that were suppose to be in the folders on the way to school, candy wrappers, money to spend at the church store, a few dirty socks, a dirty underwear I am not even going to tell you about that. What you may not see, two tea bags, a dried apple, I believe it was a bite of an English muffin and saw dust, yes, saw dust.

This my friends is by far the most interesting a Ziploc baggie containing a Styrofoam cup and two, I repeat TWO dead caterpillars. The one that HE HAD to have and was going to watch hatch into butterflies.
So, I know you are SHOCKED, because I have let you down. Tomorrow, I will clean out the closet. This weekend my sweet and most delicate seven year old A-man came into my room in the morning and says "mom, okay, so I put chocolate milk in an Easter egg and I hid it real well, now everyone go, go, go!" Needless to say I have not found that egg NOR does the creepster know where its at.

Happiness is Having a sister

2011-04-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

This is my sister Sharl, she is expecting her second child. Baby E and she is having her baby her while her hubby is deployed serving our country. My G girl loves her and she loves my G! I just adore her, and we drive each other crazy I am sure at times. Its so wonderful to have a sister!
This is Natalie my Sisters daughter she is my name sake. She is totally dramatic, speaks with her expressions, a diva, a smarty pants and a real romantic, SHE IS NOTHING LIKE ME ;). Its been fun to watch her and Ruby and G girl just develop a precious relationship! Cousins are so sweet.

Birthday Weekend- Happy 30th to me again (tehehe)

2011-04-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

Started out on my Birthday with some home cooked grub from Thumbs up Diner in Atlanta, voted best top 12th Breakfast joints in America! It so was the best breakfast I have ever had! DELISH. A huge delicacy in the South is chicken and waffles, yes, you read that right. CHICKEN and WAFFLES. Trust me if you have never had them, your missing out. Try them, try them and you will!

So, something I wanted to do on my birthday was to go visit Martin Luther Kings neighborhood.
We had all five spend the night at grandmas and take off the next day to go explore so glad I did.
This is MLKs neighborhood, can you just imagine back in the day where they sat relaxing sipping on sweet tea (also very Southern, and I am now addicted!) I can't help but to close my eyes and envision Auburn street being very lively.
I imagine this street to have seen grief for the people that lived one these side of the track were not wanted to cross color lines.
This is the house that Mr. King was born. This was the house that Freedom rang loud and solid.

I sat on his porch and could not help but to close my eyes and listen to the cars drive up and down these streets, I imagine a scene like this one below. (I took this photo and just aged it :)

It may be a but morbid to many that I wanted to spend my birthday visiting historical artifacts or even visiting cemeteries the one pictured above is a VA National Cemetery in Marietta. We have so much of life to learn and sometimes it gives me great perspective to visit a cemetery and read the tombstones and think about what I want mine to read. Think about the impact I can make in my life, in my children, in my world, in the next year of my life that God has given me one more year to Celebrate! I know I am such a weirdo! That's what I did on my birthday. I smiled a ton and shed some tears of reflection on what the last year was like for me, and ate some good food with my man.

Mr. Huxtable turn Steve Irwin

2011-04-04T06:04:00.001-07:00

I don't know if you have husbands that are handy men/cowboy type. The man that hears you say you want a new kitchen and presto he is busting out walls the next day, or they kinda guy that fixes anything that goes wrong in your home from plumbing to holes in wall, to fixing the loose cupboard. etc., to building a bunk bed our of scratch wood for the kids and perhaps can even make a bed post out of the tree you had to clear from your back yard.

Okay now let me tell you a little about my guy the Chief. Have you ever seen the Cosby show? Mr. Huxtable ,the dad, finds a leak in the kitchen sink and before you know it his handy man tools have come out in attempt to fix the leak. However he usually makes a bigger mess in the process. Meanwhile, Mrs. Huxtable is trying to call the repairman to fix it and Mr. Huxtable is determined that he will be the handyman (cowboy), regardless of the failed attempts of projects past. Its comical that the children know the situation and even hide the issues before Mr. Huxtable can get a wild hair to ''fix'' the situation. All in all Claire (Mrs. Huxatable wins) and a handyman is called.
Mr. Huxtable =Chief Claire=Natalie
Get my drift.
All-meaning well-loving, and all-intentional becomes yet another project and its okay. I am used to this kind of comic in my home. My cowboy/chief is a hero to us in other matters and this is most important to us.
So imagine my surprise, and my complete *AWE* when My cowboy wrestled a snake for us yesterday. I was chatting on the phone with my mom when I say the craziest thing, a snake basking in the sun on top of a shrub that I pass multiple times a day. *EWWWWWW*

Chief sees a passing neighbor and asks him to come take a look and make sure its not poisonous. Its not, luckily. So chief says ''Lets just leave the thing, its not making anyone upset!'' Ahem excuse my French here ''WHAT THE HELL *%*#*#; WHAT THE FREAK, HE HAS TO GO, I CAN NOT WALK ANOTHER STEP TILL I KNOW THAT DEVIL IS GONE!'' I know, I know, snakes are not devils to most people but for me reptiles with no legs are straight from the pit, if you disagree go find another blog to read you and I will not be friends. Its just that bad.The passing neighbor tells chief ''I don't care if its not poisonous if a snake was in my yard I would get it out!'' Chief looks at me and without thinking goes for a stick to tries to get this snake/devil out of our yard.

Our kids are all in awe as we watch him try to maneuver this stick to get the slippery snake to curl onto the stick. The snake whom I have nicked named Nambini (after Voldemorts snake on Harry Potter!) Nambini was not having it, he kept coiling (I do not like that word!) up in the tree and Chief tried and tried to get him using the stick. His ugly tail was sticking out of the shrub and chief grasped the tail, and started to yank on his tail. OH MY WORD, I was just on the front porch is disbelief as I see him pull with two hands at the snakes body and watch him wrestle with the snake to get him out. Finally he got him HE WAS A BIG SUCKER! He dropped him on the ground and chased him back to the creek.

I know right can you believe this??!
If you are like me with your love of snakes then you have a grimace on your face!
By this time my focus was not on my camera so as you see I did not take any more photos nor did I zoom in appropriately. I was on the thought that this snake will run for me our my kids to bite us because it was mad! It did not. All I can of this event is that I AM SO PROUD of My Chief!
But there you have it people my hero the Mr. Huxtable turn Steve Irwin and I LOVE HIM! Now would your cowboy/handy man wrestle a snake for you?! I hope so!

Hole in my heart filled

2011-04-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

For the last 14 years of my life my parents and I have lived on opposite sides of the United States, I was just a young bride learning about myself and my love and at first was excited at being away from everything familiar. We grew our household and grew and grew and grew. For a long time I had a hole in my heart that just had a missing sense of peace and companionship. It was a sense of loss and sadness at times for me.
I found it, its my mom and dad.
We made a deal to move near each other stripping away life for both of us of everything familiar. We had never lived in Georgia, and here we both are 14 years later.
Here are the awesomiest (that's not a word, but I feel it should be!) things thus far:
1. My parents have had two kids spend the night every Friday since they have been here.
2. They have been here close to three weeks, and I have seen them every single day.
3. My dad calls to invite me for pancakes and then wants to take me out to lunch.
4. He stops by the house some nights to play poker with my boys.
5. They buy my kids junk food all the time. (and get in trouble for it ;0)
6. My dad buys me Starbucks as a treat!
7. He comes with a drill sometimes to fix my to "help"do hubby list (that chief ah.. just doesn't seem to get around to it ;)
8. My mom cooks really really good!
9.My mom will do my dishes sometimes.
10. They love me for me!
11. I see photos of me around their home of when I was a child.
12. They share stories to my kids about our childhood.

I love(ed) Washington State, I miss it very much and some sweet friends and family also, but there is nothing that can fill the hole in my heart like my family. I wish that we could have both sets of grandparents because I know that my hole is being filled with the mama and papa, I am so sure Chiefs family is missing him and us very much and have a small hole in thier heart with our absence.
The honeymoon may be over and things may calm to normal whatever the new normal would mean here. I just love every moment of it! Some days I can't get this smile of my face!

Macy's Million Dollar Makeover

2011-03-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

Macy's Million Dollar Makeover

Check out Amy Ferrell's amazing story for Macy's Million Dollar Makeover. And don't forget to vote for your favorite makeover - you'll be entered to win a $500 Macy's Gift Card!

Vote for AMY!

2011-03-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

Stop what you are doing right now, and go check out my sweet friend Amy. She is a mama like us adopted three and has two bio kids at home she is a full time teacher and has been selected from thousands to be in the finals for a million dollar makeover from Macy's. Check out her videos and please vote for her today! She really is fabulous and deserves this chance big time!

I'm a mother I'm a daughter

2011-03-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

Pictured with my sister and dad holding both of us. We loved him to carry us the same time because it showed how strong he is. And are you checking out the vintage overalls and cool shoes, thank you very much.
This is me pictured when I was 7, I waited every day for my grandmother on the outside of my house gate so that she would take me to church with her when she had to pass my house. I even tagged along with a can of Campbell's soup *Cream of Mushroom* so she didn't have to feel like she needed to feed me.

The time I have waited for all my adult life has come. My parents live 5 minutes from me as of this past Friday. I moved away from my parents, completely away, to the other side of the United States we are talking the Northern most Western part. Washington State. There I grew my family and became an adult. I kinda grew up there in a way. Each time I would visit my family, my heart grew fonder and fonder to be with them, it was not time yet and I didn't know if I ever would have the chance to be with them. My fathers heart was getting worse and the deep hurt of my children not knowing their other grandfather was breaking me.

Fast forward, here they are and here am I. I don't really know how to do this. I know its strange its dumb to even contimplate what the ''IT'' is. Until I was at my parents house and my kids were hungry and I realized I did not want to open the fridge and ask them for food. So, I phoned chief who was enjoying the quiet of a Sunday afternoon and asked him to bring two boxes of Mac N Cheese over. "Aren't you at your parents house?'' chief said "Yes...I whispered but I don't want to use up their food!'' I know what you are thinking what on earth is the big deal?
My kids all of them have not vacationed at my parents home since my 7 year old was 2, and we only had two kids at the time. I think I even bought food for that vacation. So I have never had my kids just hang all of us together at my parents just hanging. The last time I hung out at my parents home was in high school when I had friends over and as a teenager you have no concept for food cost or pretty much no concept of cost, period. Fast forward to 14 years later and well, I have no clue what to do!
Then my parents asked me to leave two kids for the night so I can have a quieter home in the morning. FREEZE. Didn't know what to say with that one also. I know totally silly. This is what I wanted for the longest time.
I then realized I don't know how to be both a mom and a daughter an adult daughter, its never had to happen. I am so sure that my parents would have thought I was taking crazy pills if they knew I told Frank to bring the mac n cheese for fear that I didn't want to eat their food instead of just wanting my kids to eat our mac N cheese because it has no preservatives ;-)
I am sure my dad would knock me across the head( not figurativly the man has never knocked me ever!) to know I thought twice about letting the big boys have a sleep over.
I struggle with the not wanting to take advantage of them (parents) and knowing when to give up control, and what to just let be because they are family and want more than anything to grow in relationship with them. Chief says what he says about EVERYTHING in my thought process ''You analyze everything wayyy to much!'' Just enjoy it. SO ENJOY IT I WILL!

PS. My dad still calls me baby, and calls me in the day to check on me, even if I live 5 minutes away.
PSS. My kids can't get enough of him, and I don't think he can get enough of them! Another sleep over at grandpas this weekend. Because I drew the line at school night (big fat frown from grandpa!)

This is Gods Fault.

2011-03-18T07:15:00.001-07:00

(G and E opening up cards from us, I wonder whats in thier minds at that moment!)
Defending the cause of the fatherless seems like an easier task when you are speaking up to middle class Christian Americans about the reasons why we need to step in internationally and in our back yards to help and defend the fatherless. An extremely difficult task when you are explaining the reason to one that was called ''fatherless'' that was not necessarily fatherless.
Not going into further detail about our children history, but our kids did not come into the home for having parents die.
Yesterday during a ''discussion'' with my girl, she mentioned she was not angry with me. She is angry with God. I got this one I naively thought, ''With God, Honey...why?''
"God Told you to go to Ghana, I would still be there if You didn't listen or if He didn't say it, OR Why Did you even choose me, you could picked anyone else!''
Again, this journey shows me more and more of what ''wisdom'' I seem to think I posses in situations like this that just makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry, I have no words. I know reading about this, many of you may know what you would say. But I tell you looking at the eyes of a girl that has had life torn from her to tell her that God is all loving and all Powerful just seems like a giant Oxymoron. I know, I get it, He is all Loving all Powerful, all Amazing to heal any wound trivial or ginormous. He Is Able, He is Willing, and He is..period.
Just try explaining it to a child that had to see her mom walk away out of the gates and wonder if she will see her again. You ...CAN...NOT.
Even though you think I would have a great amount of compassion, my heart and attitude has to deal with not taking it personally. They are so lucky to have to come to America to have an education, to have a second chance of life....we have been told, we even feel that in the back of our minds at times and have to battle reason and logic with her reality of it. Try explaining that to a child who would have rather stick it out with whatever situation her life presented with she would take that to still be in her first home. She doesn't feel LUCKY!

So what do you say to a child that ask you ''why did you listen to God, Why did He even say this or would say this to someone?"
Because our discussions are usually the result of some significant behaviors. There is usually a wall and a hard exterior body language sometimes with both of us...Most times with both of us. I have to walk away for a while, to gain some quiet mediation, and patience and cool myself and maybe call a friend (JH :)
Some of you have adopted smaller children and do not even come close to this sort of ''chats''. I want you to warn you you may be questioned this very same question for you child.
After hours....really hours... This was my response...Don't judge me I am really new to this and probably screw up majorly with my response!

" I know you are angry with God, I am so glad you said that out loud to me because God already knows that, He loves you even when you are angry with Him. His love is something that many of us can not understand. Love is hard many times, and many times God allows things to happen that can hurt us that can even take our lives away or the people we love. That doesn't look like love to us, I know. BUT, only He knows why, We can not see it with our eyes. One day He may show you. The other thing is we live in an evil world. Some evil has happened to you, God knows that, you can always go to him and tell him how angry you are with Him. He will turn this around if we let Him, he can and I know he will. You don't have to be ready now, you don't have to listen to me about this. BUT, we love you the hurts you have do not make us love you any less. Never, never never. Yes God did tell us to go to Ghana, Yes we feel like God did say you are the girl for our family, I know that makes no sense to you right now. We could have said No to God about adoption, someone else would have adopted you and you would have been in the same shoes with another family, Or you could have not been adopted and stayed in Ghana and had another different life. (she was all over that one!)
...I just had to end it emotionally that was opening up another door I could not walk into at that moment.

Thats as far as it went. We can fill our vocabulary and conversations with so many beautiful words ''Chosen, Wanted, Loved...." Our kids from hard places may not even grasp those words or even want to right now. I have to back up and just say its okay. I can not explain the logic that she is better off for her life here, health, safety, education, and because I know her history I know this home is the best for her. That doesn't matter right now, one day it may. Our job is to help her find healing, educate ourselves on how to walk every day with pain in a child's heart, and every day bend our knees that the Lord would allow Love to penetrate deeper than the hurts inside. Adoption does not end when a child walks through your front door...the Journey has just begun.

For mamas and papas finding this journey to be weary for you soul, I get you. There is HOPE. I know it, speak it over your children, while the sleep maybe :).
For the readers that feel sorry for us, Don't please don't these are small glimpse that take place not on a daily basis (the behavior can.) But the hard discussions do not. I am so glad they are coming out when they do. Its a good sign that she is placing trust in me to hear her heart. We get to be apart of a magnificent story and the Love of Christ can shine through us (many times I doesn't because um..yeah just trust me on that one!) Its hard, complicated and beautiful all at the same time.

Bringing Hope and a Home To HIV Orphans -- Kiel & Carolyn Twietmeyer -- 1/2

2011-03-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

Project Hopeful in Canada going wildfire with Project hopeful! I just lover Carolyn's heart check out her interview.

Bringing Hope and a Home To HIV Orphans -- Kiel & Carolyn Twietmeyer -- 2/2

2011-03-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Part two of the interview.

Feeding the Orphans-Meet Sydney

2011-03-10T10:56:00.001-08:00

This is my friends daughter Sydney, she and her family have a non-profit helping sponser children to supply food for them. The orphange in this video is also where G and E lived. Precious girl!

PS: TO WATCH AND LISTEN YOU NEED TO SCROLL DOWN AND TURN MUSIC OFF :)

Third Day Children Of God

2011-03-08T20:13:00.000-08:00

Love this video! Beautiful!

Project Hopeful

2011-03-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

Please watch this Video of my sweet friend Carolyn who is a hero to me. She is a hottie and she is a true rock star as she shares the truth about HIV/AIDS and share about the children living with the disease . Its a beautiful story watch it! She was also featured in Peoples magazine back in December a big great spread. I say it at the grocery store and said to everyone in the check stand that's my girl, she is my friend, I know her, got some funny looks but I was so proud! And I joke because in the photo of her in People magazine she is wearing a shirt she bought to support our adoption from Ghana. Frank thinks I mention that one way to much.
If you are interested in what she hast to say and want to help please visit Project Hopeful.

Adoption in Ethiopia

2011-03-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

My emotions are too drained from all the troubles Ethiopia adoptions are going through right now. Here are a few people who have blogged about whats happening and I love the perspective they have, I can not even begin to post about it. BUT PLEASE for the sake of these kids sign this petition ! We have so many friends waiting to bring kids home.

My friend Erica on Adoption Ethics
Another mama waitng for her kids at Underhill Family

Missing Aunti ''C''

2011-03-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

This Ghanaian Woman Auntie "C" worked as a special mother in Eban house. She took care of many children and were assigned to G and E along with many other children. She has inner beauty that radiates like the noon day sun. Her wisdom is unmatched to most women I know. She carries Gods words on her heart and mediates in it night and day. We have been speaking about her lately and I don't know if I every shared her with you. If you have meet her you know, this is one women that is unforgettable.
Auntie "C"s name come up like Santa in our house. Auntie "C" would not want to hear about this would she? How would Auntie "C" feel about what you just said to your mom? I don't even think she knows she has that much power in our home all the way from Ghana. If you get to read this by chance Auntie C the kids miss and love you so much!

"You'r not my mom!''

2011-02-25T14:51:00.001-08:00

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was preparing myself for the stark reality that the teenage years will come. That I may get a ''I wish you were not my mom!" vent after a tug war about why I won't allow our kids to drive for a while, or even date for that matter! Nothing could prepare me for the words I heard today from one of the ones on my tribe after asking from her a simple request of brushing her teeth.
"You Are NOT my Mom!''
Me: "you want to try again with respect!''
Her: VERY CLEARLY "I said YOU are not my MOTHER!''
Me: asking all the kids to leave because I may be embarrassed at what comes out of my mouth next...all the while begging the Holy Spirit to guide me in this because I can Blow it, majorly here.
Me: "Is there another person doing all your laundry, helping you with your homework every day, feeding you, providing for you?'' I am it!'' I am you mom!''
Her: Angry I could feel the daggers and I am sensing I need to calm down.
Me: "Honey you have been adopted into a new family, that means that we are now your mom and dad, that never means we take over your biological mom and dad they will always have that place.''
Her: With this next phrase I was flabbergasted "I NEVER ASKED TO BE ADOPTED!''
Pause to gather my thoughts, pause because there is Nothing coming to my mind. Then it did.
Me: "You are right, no one asked you, no one asked you if you wanted a new mother, no one asked you if you wanted to leave your home country, you have a right to be angry!''
Her: Staring at the ground tears forming in her eyes.
Me: ''No one every asks us if we want pain, because the answer will always be NO. If someone asked me if I wanted my son to die the answer would be NO! But look at the blessings I have because God used his death for life. Its painful, It never stops being sad. BUT, it will get easier with Gods help.
Your right, I am not your biological mother, I am not the mother that saw your first breath, or that nursed you. I am the answer to the prayer of that mother. She needed someone to come, to help, and she prayed and I am the answer to that. It hurts, it sucks sometimes. I know you didn't sign up for this. I am so so sorry!''
Me: "anything you want to tell me?''
Her: "I don't want to be your daughter!''......shatter slash right to the heart, I can go back to Ghana!''
This child would rather experience hunger on the streets than the sadness of her soul. This kind of pain must feel unbearable.
Me: "This is no place for children, you can be killed, you can be taken and what would happen to E, you would have to take care of him too. This is not your job. This is a job of a mom and dad. I am sorry that this did not happen for you. God does not want that kind of life for you. For any of his children. Many of them die every day because of this. I know you know that, I know you have seen that."
By this time I just think she has said what she needed to say and we may be done.

After tears and a softness and a hug. I made her apologize for the words. I am not sure if she meant the sorry yet, but I need her to know that I am still her authority and I am strong enough to protect her, but I do not wish for hard words to be spoken to me.
This part stinks. This part is not fair. This part hurts. BUT there is Hope, I can not give up. God would never give up on me, even when I tell him
"'Your not my dad, what kind of dad would do this. Would take my son away!'' He didn't give up on me. I am human it makes I will mess up with my answers to her, I proablly did so something I should have not or even used to many words. This is my first time. It makes me angry that a child has to go thorough this, Its such injustice.
BUT its reality. Its also another Big reason why I am reminded of Gods mercy every day in my home.
I am not expecting my daughters or son to rise up and say thank you to me, Its my hope. One day I would really like her to see how much I fought for her, how mchh my prayers for her were worth it. Till that day, Love Abounds.

Radical by David Platt

2011-02-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Radical-by David Platt

2011-02-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

If you know me well, you know I am not a fan of fictional books. I like a good make me cry book but in a way that really challenges my spirit to live out loud for Christ! God doesn't need a book to make his words convicting BUT, sometimes there are books like these that really make me want to yell ""YES..AMEN ...and preach it!'' The latter I believe is my new Southern coming out. Chief and I have been reading this book out loud to each other. Its not romantic people, we just have one copy and I don't want him to read ahead and he doesn't want me to loose his spot. See when I put it that way it takes the romance out of it. Okay scratch that last part we read to each other and gaze into one another eyes.
If you have not read this book as yet....WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Read it. David is a pastor of a mega church Brook Hills in Birmingham Alabama. Here is an except from the back sleeve of the book
''Its easy for American Christians to forget how Jesus said his followers would actually live, what their new lifestyle would actually look like. The would, he said, leave behind security , money, convenience, even family for Him. the would abandon everything for the gospel. They would take up their cross daily....But who do you know who lives like that DO YOU?''

David describes how we as Americans have manipulated scripture to fit our cultural Jesus. He tells the story about what is happening in his church a suburban mega church. Its amazing stuff!

We are not done yet. BUT, I didn't think I needed to read this book, I know PRIDE right, but I thought well I am living this out I am being totally RADICAL! BUT, here is the convicting part for me thus far. For a while now I have been carring a ''eyore, radical demeanor. Let me explain. We knew the Lord was calling us to adopt, we knew that it meant sacrificing everything, and we knew it meant that that would look like a daily devotion to Him, that every single provision would have come from Him. We knew and we know it is a dying to self daily picking up our cross and following Him. BUT, what was our attitude? We had come to the place where we felt like Eeyore. ''Woa is me, God choose us, yeah we get to be poor, and live like missionaries for HIM!'' Get my sarcasm.
After reading a chapter about secret churches gathering in china and how my fellow brother and sisters risk their lives, every day to gather. The risk the danger of having their tongue cut off for sharing the gospel, for their homes to be taken from them. Here is what one of the young men said
"I have told my family that I will likely never come back home. I am going to hard places to make the gospel known, and it is possible that I will lose my life in the processes''
another Young man added " But our families understand. Our moms and dads have been in prison for their family and they have taught us that Jesus is worthy of ALL our DEVOTION''

Have I shared with our children that THIS Jesus is WORTH all of my DEVOTION? Have I shown my fellow sisters and brother in Christ that the trails I should count as a blessing because JESUS is WORTH that kind of DEVOTION?!

HE SO IS WORTH IT! ...SO, Please read it take a look!!

The tween

2011-02-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

AH the The tween age. Its the age before the a child turns 13, it ranges from 10-13 years of age. We are rocking the tween hood in our house and boy does it stink. Its like a Frankenstein meet Hulk.. It can go from 0-10 in a few seconds flat, 0 being even keel to 10 being crying at the craziest things. Yes they have begun. Its also the age when they find out they can really have an opinion and hurt you when they say it. Its vicious. I am not a fan at the moment of the tween era.
Sometimes the world is too loud and so they feel the need to tune it out. This is where this begins. Oh whats that you say? You can not hear me...let me assist you in unplugging you. Whats that face about? I am just making it easier for you to ''get'' me!
Its also the stage when playing with toys may not be so cool anymore, but I do catch him playing you know when no one can see him building the legos. Its the age when they no longer want to be walked into class or worse kissed in front of a teacher or friends. I surprise my kids some days and have lunch with them, its the coolest because the smile I get from them is priceless plus I have a secret addiction to school pizza. A-man my first grader always wants to hold my hand proudly showing his friends his mom, helping me with my platter and picking out my chocolate milk and handing me my silverware. The cutest! G always smiles and pats the seat next to her as to say ''come hang with me mom''. BUT J-Cool Cat looks at me, takes a few steps back and whispers ''what are you doing here?''....I bet if you listen very closely you can hear my heart shattering. Then I do what any mom would do ""Hey Js friends I am J's mom, Mrs. Teabo, so how is the day going for all of you....dudes and dudetes? Grovey man!'' and yes I do get a few chuckles and no none of them come from the cool cat himself.

He no longer cares to play at the park at least not for the first 10 minutes he has arms crossed as if he is too cool for school. Then about a few minutes later dad or I do a challenge ''I bet I can swing on the monkey bars longer than you!'' and its on, before you know it, who is playing. Ahh yes.
Its also the age that little by little we begin to allow, things into his life that he has been wanting to do for a LOnnnggg time. For example Harry Potter. Our boy is an avid reader, the kid that has to finish reading the entire book before he gets to bed. Harry Potter has been one of those books that we have held back a bit, and now feel that he is able to grasp reality from fantasy. So, I have to unplug and this is sad take his book away some times for him to play. I hate doing that, but he can live in the book and not see the world around him, or take his shoes off at the beach and touch the sand.
Oh goodness gracious its also the age we begin to discuss SEX. This one has been HARD for me. We both take turns to share with him details of the anatomy. NOT at the same time. He would die. His face usually turns bright red in color and he lets out a ginormous *sigh* whenever I causally bring it up. We tried last year and the boy would run, literally run, from us when we would begin. Now he sits through it and then ask the questions and then gives his opinion which is simply "that's gross, please don't tell me anymore!''

So there you have it friends, if you think about it pray for me, I find myself utterly at a loss of connection unless there are things I find I can connect with him, and its becoming harder and harder to find. I want to be uber cool but maintaing my mom hood can sometimes be a total joy-kill. Plus he thinks I am so uncool for loving Phil Collins or Duran Duran...that band was Sick yo, whats he talking bout willis?! I am so down with talk in this crib. SIKE!

Peace out and 2 Legit!

DO OVER

2011-02-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Dr. Karin Purvis a well know child's physciatrist taught me a little trick from her book the Connected Child. Its called a DO OVER.
When your child has said something disrespectful in asking something of you simply and calmly say with smiling eyes ''darling how about a do over, this time with respect!''

I often wish I had some do overs of life. Anyone? anyone at all?

Here are some of my top 5s I would LOVE to do OVER.

1. Baby wise book...I despise this book now. I SO disagree with the whole theory of letting your child cry things out. I did baby wise with my second child and regret it. My baby should have had me at his beckoning call and never had to question if I was going to be there. Its the silliest thing that I say this now, but really if I can do a do over, I would say thank you for the women that suggested it, never suggest it to any new mamas and snuggled my baby more much more. No such thing as spoiling a baby.

2. Telling people when I have been hurt all the time. DUMB. There is something to be said about letting things go, most times those feelings are all made up in your mind and the person did not mean it the way you took it, or was just having a bad day. Grace is much more needed in the world, than a person letting you know every single time they have been hurt. I can not even believe I was that person and sometimes that person in me tries to grab at me and say ''they'' should know ''they hurt'' you ''they'' were yucky, ''they'' were not nice at all, ''they'' were manipulating, controlling blah blah. Really now I have come to realize that I live for Christ and Christ alone, and I should expect persecution, and I should be content when people hurt me for his name sake. Its a tough one, but if I can take back the complete waste of energy I have poured out crying over hurtful words said to me especially for doing something I knew God was telling me, I so would be good!

3. Laugh more. Don't take things so serious. Life can be so serious, laughter is good medicine and those times that I should have just laughed with my family instead of taking things so serious would have really been helpful to all.

4. The need for approval. Wow, God yanked this one from under my shoes big time. He had me do something complete crazy and ''un-approvable'' (is that a word) we adopted two more kids into our home with a tight budget, and one son that had some needs. Looking back I can see how much my need for approval had left me feeling lonely, hurt, rejected, unloved, and unwanted because we didn't have all hands on deck to put it that way. God took me through that entire process to take away my need to be liked, supported, wanted, and approved by everyone all the time. There is something very wrong with your life, if everyone approves of your decisions. Shake the boat a bit buster. If I could take that need away I would have saved myself some major heart ache and sorrow. But I guess I would not feel the way I do now.

Two my favorite quotes

The true gospel is a call to self-denial, It is not a call to self-fulfillment'' John Macarthur

Security is mostly a superstition...it does not exist in nature, life is either a daring adventure or nothing '' Helen Keller

5. Tried harder at family times. My MIL has a big heart for her family and her dream is to always have everyone together all the time. We shared the same dream because that's how I was raised, family is everything. However life and seasons get in the way and it had gotten really hard to get family together and I think along the way we just kinda accepted that and gave up. It ached me, I wanted so much to have the Stuart Little family scenario where everyone shows up at each play for the cousins and that my nephews and nieces would just be dropped by without question or checking the schedule. I could have enforced it more. Like threaten to kidnap the kids from school if they didn't bring them or something :) I just gave up and chalked it up to being busy and life.

God is so good and giving do-overs we never know,he just may give us some. BUT we are so different going through trials and life journeys sometimes its healthy to look back and not necessarily have regrets but just know how different we would approach things now. In a healthier way with more grace, and mercy and love.

A sweetness within

2011-02-10T07:40:00.001-08:00

G just a few months after being brought to Eban house Ghana 2008

I have written about my new girl home almost 8 months, and have vaguely shared about the struggles we have encountered with her and the ways we are learning about how to parent a child into healing. We keep things on a need to know basis but some things are too good not to Give God the Glory for and some things I want to share so that some of you know there is HOPE. Small bits of Hope where you can see a sweetness inside a hurting soul.

Over the weekend I shared that I attended a conference to encourage moms on adoption. I meet a woman who sat and listened to me share my struggles at home. This woman adopted 4 kids from Spokane Washington's foster system and by the Grace of God those children are still in her home and she is still alive! She used the Nancy Thomas When love is not enough system for three years. Nancy spoke well of her in her sessions, so I knew I could trust her judgement.Her case was extreme, I do not mean to scare people about older children adoption. Its amazing, but there is work to be done in your own self and you will get the runt of it. This new friend of mine K has given me her text number and wanted to to text her twice a day, she will walk me through the struggles. One thing I shared with her specifically is that night time there is something that takes over my child, in a way I do not know what and how to apporoach her. It always seem to end in a power struggle, she can not control her emotions and is like a toddler that in bouncing off walls. I often walk out of the room to gain composure to then try to get her to calm to read a story. But every night there is something.

K shared with me that I must assume that something happened to her at night, or that night brings back flash backs of something that rings loudly of fear and fear needs to be talked about. So this is where the excess talking, the can not control emotions flaring come into place. She is trying to not think about it. Oh my heart.

K said the best thing to do *this is from the Nancy Thomas book When Love is not Enough* is make her fear smaller and smaller, right now its huge. Then she explained exactly what to say to G and how to approach her if there are different responses. I needed to try it!

I will share with you my experience the night I got back from conference.

We are in bed and G is laying down but her body is hanging off the bed and she is singing and asking the silliest questions "mom where is the bed, when you say lye down, where is down!'' I began to pray because my level of patience wears thin when this starts. I say to her

Me: ''G I want you to listen I have something very important to share with you~!''

G still bouncing. I continue "I know you have had a hard life, I know there are things that you are afraid of, I know things have happened to your heart, talking about them will make them small and smaller.....are you wanting to share with mom!''

G: totally perplexed but I have her attention ''...no it didn't!''

Me: praying because I know I can go just a tad bit before she shuts out.

Me: '' G, this weekend there were moms with kids that were adopted from all over and their moms have shared that they had a hard time with sleeping also''

G: sitting up now ''were any of them from Ghana?''

Me: ''no!''......."But if any of them were from Ghana, why do you think they would be scared?''

G: ...pausing..... ''They would be scared, because the miss someone!''.........Bingo!

Me: "who, G, who would they miss?''

G: ''They would miss 1st mom, and then they would miss Her Grandmother (the fictional took a female role all of a sudden...hmm!) and her grandfather, and her friends!''

Me: ''I would too, why else would she be sad"'

G: '' She never got to say goodbye to her mom, that makes her so sad!'' *gasp*

Me: fighting the tears "that would make me sad as well...what else you think?''

G: ''She would be angry that her mom and dad never came back for her, like they said!''

Me: Holy Jesus hold me because I am about to loose it ''That would make me angry as well G, very angry.''

G: all on her own "She would think her new mom and dad didn't like her, that they would send her away, because she was not nice!''

Me: ''Oh G her new mom and dad ADORE her they LOVE her with all that is within the want to see her get daugheher heart healed. If you ever see this Ghana girl I want you to know that she is Loved and wanted!''

G ''Mom what is that word when you don't really know how you feel, like messed,?"'

Me "um..confused!?''

G "Yes, she would be confused about something.''

Me: ''what?''

G: ''She wants to love both moms, but she feels bad,!''

Me: Praying hard that I don't end up a puddle on the floor "G, they same way moms can make space in their hearts for more than one child, you and this Ghana girl can make space for both moms. I would never make you choose, I would never want you to not love her, I would always want you to feel what you feel for her, with freedom.''

G: Laying her head on my chest lets out a big sigh and stays there for 5 minutes.

People, we don't have a lot of money. We struggle, we are not brangelina. BUT Is this not what Christ calls us to? Heal the broken hearted, to rescue the fatherless.

Adoption may not make sense to some. It may seem foolish to some as well. I really don't care anymore. This is worth it!!!

This kid...Boy do I love this kid!

2011-02-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

A-man, oh how this boy brings tears to my eyes. Good ones, bad ones. This kid came to us at a massive 9 lbs 12 oz grew in the hospital to 10 lbs (instead of loosing) and has grown in crazy amounts over the last seven years of his little life. He has some obstacles we are working through together. BUT...BUT
He is doing amazingly well in school. We love that he is loving to learn. To get this kid to go to school, it has always been a battle. When I would arrive with him at school, red faced and hair all out, the teacher would just know. No explanation. Oh but at school he is so sweet and an angel...tiff!
Our new school has impressed us so much, and he is excelling in his work. Yesterday he wanted to tell me all out Theodore Roosevelt and his achievements, he shared with me about Harriet Tubman and how he thought she was great for all the slaves that she helped freed. He is doing Math....people this is big! He is reading small books but he is reading. He has new goals that the teachers (he three in his care :) are pushing towards and the best part they believe in him. We do miss our Centennial Teacher, but oh this teacher I just love!
He is loving our new rule: I learned this at my retreat. We put the smaller kids down first and for now G girl we are treating as a little younger and so we are allowing the big boys to stay up with mom and dad longer. It gives him a sense of calm and safety that he has been needing.
Oh my heart just swells for this kid!

Creat to Care- 2011

2011-02-09T08:37:00.000-08:00

Photo taken By Erica, becuase I was to lazy to bring my camera down ;0

I was blessed to share the weekend with 250 adoption/foster mamas. It was amazing to be around women that get you! Created to Care started in the heart of a sweet new friend here in Georgia ,Andrea. I meet her at the adoption conference in Austin and began to follow her blog when I saw that she was thinking of doing a retreat for mamas, and that it would be in Georgia I was ALL OVER THAT ONE! The retreat was going to be for 25 moms and the Lord multiplied it to 250 women all that have desire to get encouragement and knowledge on how to help heal the children placed in our homes or going to be placed in our homes, and a bonus was to be together with some radically moved women that hear Gods heart beat for these children.

We listened to amazing women speak such as Susan Hills a scientist at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta who adopted 7 children from Russia after her 9 year old son was killed by a car, during a family bike ride. Her story of God redeeming her life and multiplying it was inspirational. Also Nancy Thomas from When love is not enough, with her beautiful sense of humor and wisdom as she fostered 101 children from the foster system that are highly hurt children. At one time Nancy had 7 psychopaths children in her home. She loved them back to health in miraculous ways and has written a book about the system they had in place for them. I have began to read the book and I am blown away by how it has helped me, in just a few days.
Cried with happy tears as we listened to Amy Monroe from the ministry tapestry speak on how to openly speak with your child about their adoption and how to help them find a voice when others ask questions or speak about them when they are right there. (Some people can really be clueless!) Enjoyed and laugh till my sides hurt when another African American mama spoke on hair care for african children. Oh it was VERY educational. I have been messing up my girls hair NO JOKE!
My room mates Erica and Angie kept me up till 3 am so it was not a sleeping retreat but it was wonderful to share with these women my heart in tears and laughter.
And God is doing something over this weekend. I can not share details as yet. BUT stay tunned to something awesome. NO, we are not adopting people, you can slow your heart rate down ;)

Lil Dude man

2011-02-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

This here is our little dude man E. He is a pistol and has personality with a capital T! E is now in preschool full time and on his first day of school. He went into his memory box and pulled out his Ghana shirt. He wore it good he wore it proud! E goes everywhere with his red converse a friend gave him. And goodness sakes he lost his first tooth ever in our home! E what a blessing you are to us kid!

Green Grass

2011-01-30T12:42:00.000-08:00

Greener Grass? Not always.

So, we both knew that moving to GA would be very difficult for our entire family as a whole. We knew that adjusting for our new kids would have to take place once again. It would be a hardship to endure but we also knew it was time. Not knowing the details in the whole plan has made us have to rely on God for each next step but also on each other with so many uncharted waters ahead in this journey. Its knitting us together.

Its been hard, but we are now seeing the the reasons come unfold before us. Me and the kids miss home dearly. Chief strangely and I say strangle because he has never called anywhere else home does not miss it at all.

This season will be amazing and hard all at once. Its will bring something that we have been craving.. HEALING. From the battles that we have fought in, but THIS is a season of HEALING.

For each one of us alike. Healing from relationships, healing from past hurts and trauma, healing from things we never even knew was inside, as we become a family united.

The grass in Georgia is dormant all winter so if you can imagine being from the Evergreen state to being ALL winter with brown grass and brown practically everywhere, you know its a tough one. Not as tough as seeing sunshine every day to not seeing it at all for daaaaayyyyysssss.

BUT, the grass will wake and become green again. Spring will come, the trees will spring forth new growth, and it will be full and lush once again.

In this same way is this season of our lives. We needed some resting time a good time for healing some growth in the brown grass of our souls. Refreshing and rejuvination. This is OUR time.

Updates:*My post on depression opened up so many doors of communication for women in the same struggle, it has blown me away how many of us are at this same place. I do need to update and share that the medication I have been on has been a drastic change in my mood and I am seeing a therapist*GASP*! Let me tell you, you do not need to see a therapist when things are going bad only. See a therapist as a life couch. We are seeing ours once a week and he has been a HUGE part of our journey to wholeness and healing to hope and redemption.

O my heart

2011-01-12T18:53:00.000-08:00

Last week during my dads surgery, I was gone from my family for 6 days. This was the first time I was leaving the kids with chief for that long, ALL OF THEM. I was a nervous wreck, and just seriously questioning if I should leave. ONLY because G and dad have had issues with bonding.
The other day we had three kids while the other two were in Florida visiting grandma and grandpa. We had three kids, that meant we could go to eat and have the two littles split the food dish...saweet! Anyways, we were ready to leave and chief stood up behind G and put his arm around her back as to rush her forward. She JUMPED away so far she knocked the waiter behind her and ended up in the table beside us, Chief felt horrible, I could see it in his face, the embarrassment. We have had these brief and cold responses to dad since she came home. It makes me think that she has had some major male issues, it hurts my heart for her and for him. Because he is hurt and has no idea how else to bond on the physical level and I know that she feels bad that she just can't right now, or doesn't even know how or why she would trust him.
I had to leave to Florida regardless and just prayed that God would calm each of them until my return and that actions would not draw them further away.
I would call chief a few times a day and he was great, I knew he would be. BUT, G would climb into bed with the other kids only if I was in bed for morning cuddles. She had been doing it every morning and every night before bed just to get her snuggles from dad. Progress right?!

Time for me to come home on Saturday and I knew the home I would be coming back to tension, this had become our reality. We were living with a child that has issues with bonding and other things. I walked into my house and you know that feeling you get when you go away for a retreat and come back feeling refreshed; only this was not a retreat and I stressed the WHOLE time! Anyways, I just thought it was the ''mom is back, lets show her our niceness moment!"
ONLY WE ARE ON DAY 5 and the bonding between G and dad has been astronomical. It has done HUGE things to my heart allowing me to bond in a great magnitude that I didn't think was even possible, or at least I had lost hope for. His bonding with her and her with him has knocked walls down between G and I and even Chief and I.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I have thought about this countless times a day. This is my theory.
The basics need of a human being is food, drink, touch. I am always home, I have been meeting those needs by nurture and G has know that I would meet this need she has little question or at least I should say she is progressing to have close to little doubt about this.
Chief has meet those simple needs on occasion when I am not home, its been inconsistent. The basic human needs if you think back to your babies they cry you comfort they are hungry you feed them. They know you will meet that need when they open their mouth to cry.
We didn't have that chance with G and E to show them that when they open their mouths to cry we are right there, another mom has meet that need. So here we are two kids that need to have that sense again and I was meeting those basic needs. Chief was inconsistent (NOT HIS FAULT) and so when he went meet the physical need of patting her on the back or having close encounter it was meet with hostility. That and very possibly other male issues.
SO, I believe by the main source being gone (me) chief was able to consistently meet ALL those needs and little by little G opened her heart and when she did it became a flood an AMAZING FLOOD!
PS: MY MEDS HAVE KICKED IN< SO it has helped me be more kind, patient, loving and sweet and overall not over emotional!
HYPOTHESIS: I NEED TO BE GONE MORE :)

Snow days

2011-01-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

3 inches of snow in the South * AWESOMENESS*

Dad

2011-01-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

If you really know me well, you know I am a daddy's girl. My dad has three girls and we all have him wrapped around our little fingers. My dad is one of the greatest people I have ever had the chance to know in my entire life. He is amazing and pretty much rocks. I had the dad all the kids wanted and I still have the dad all my friends would dream of.

He had a massive heart attack last Sunday and another hours later, and I got the call on Sunday afternoon I was devastated. He survived and it was very fortunate that he had his heart attack because we found out that he had three blockages in his heart. I live 9 hours away (in the late spring, they are moving here, I HOPE) my aunt and I jumped in her car and drove I made it in 7 not telling you what my speedometer read ;).

My mind and heart could not escape the reality that we had just been hit with, as well as the fate on my fathers life. We arrived at the hospital that evening, I meet my mother in the lobby her eyes had already been sunken in, I knew she was beside herself. I walked into his room, saw his sweet dimpled smile buried my face in his chest and began to weep like a small child.

"daddy, please daddy, please please promise me you will fight!'' I turned to a crowd staring at me, with nods of understanding I turned to see my dad was wiping big tears from his brown face.

The surgeon came in to talk about his bypass scheduled for a few days later. I prayed so hard every hour, every minute, that my dads life would be spared.

Surgery day came and my dads kept saying to me ''baby, you think I should do this, can they do anything else, did you ask them?'' Tables were turned as his girls began to comfort him.

He made it through no complications, yet we are not in the clear. I beg you to pray for him when you think of it.

Words alone, can not even explain the magnitude of my love for my dad.

ps: kids stayed home with Frank for 5 days(my man Rocks, I mean really I am blessed!) and when I came back there was major bonding between two people in my family and I can't wait to share what God has been up to here in my tribe! GOOD STUFF!

Depression

2010-12-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

I am not a person that hides her feelings well, I choose to not be private with most of our life because if someone can benefit from my writing and be helped by me airing my dirty laundry it is well worth the humility of people knowing.
I suffer with depression. I have always suffered with depression. I have never know the full extent to this. Have had tons of therapy sessions and they only thing I can chalk it up to is my biology and then there are plenty of pains in my young childhood that I have dealt with or still continue to deal with. Does this mean I am always depressed. NO. Depression for me comes in many waves. I can be great and super and then a change in my life can bring me right back to not great not super. If you know anyone who deals with this you know darn well its not something you snap out of. You need medication and/or therapy. You need to be able to walk through it and come out on the other side healthy and able to cope with the daily life.
A few people close to me know of my struggle not too many and perhaps some will be surprised to even know this about me. It is a fact that I have lived with for very long. I count my blessings that I do not suffer from chronic depression my depression is mild but can turn to severe if I don't keep a handle on it.

I began to deal with it in High school and I didn't recognize what it was. I thought for years that it had been a lack of faith. I am a Christan I should be able to rely on Christ for my pure joy! I went through many years feeling this way and pushing my depression down. It was not till my second born that my physician asked if I had post partum and when I began to hear what this feeling was , I explained that this feeling were always with me. I was placed on medication right away. I WAS AWESOME :)! My struggle with the question of weather or not to be on the medication was dismissed quickly due to the feeling I have while on my meds. I was able to taper off and then became pregnant with my third son who died at three months. I got right back on it. Was doing well again. Adopted our daughter, I was off still because I was doing well. Had healthy therapy sessions and then life began to change again for me we were in the middle of our last adoption when our son got worse. We brought our kids home and I was still off my meds. We changed our entire life to Georgia, and that old darkness had taken over once again.
Two weeks ago I went in to get back on my medication ...starting to see the light again!
I struggle with how much to share about my depression .Depression can overtake your entire being. The times when I do not feel depressed are times when I am living out for Jesus, when I am radically living it out, when I am on a mission trip, planning an adoption, being an advocated for orphan care. The minute I start to focus on my life again I get right back to depression. I know we can't live as missionaries full time, I know I wont be adopting again, I know advocating for orphan care can be a full time job. BUT there is a cycle when I begin to focus on ME I get depressed. I was not meant to focus on ME we were not created to live this way. This is why I think depression is so common *even though people don't openly share about it*.
Do I think I have the cure for depression, to not focus on yourself, is this the quick fix? NO. I do believe many times depression can passed down or even chronic and needs medical intervention. BUT I also believe that its a reminder that when we focus on our pain when we look inward and focus on what we are not ,what we have not, what we can not it can be so easy to become depressed.
For me my meds will allow me to remove the cloud over me so I can focus back on Christ. Its a crutch for now, and if it works then I will do it!
If you have these feelings if you suffer from depression or anxiety let me just say you are not alone. PLEASE get medical help soon and fast. Do not wait for the feeling to go away most times it wont on its own. If you get to the point where you do not want to live GET HELP FAST!! Depression is not a joke and needs to be taken seriously. If you are in the body and know of someone that struggles with it do not judge them for taking a medication, you may not understand what living like this is like.
As for me right now I am on meds and will continue with my therapy sessions *these are my favorite cause I just get to talk!* If you have delt with it and are well but are adopting, know with the change you may need to talk with a professional , don't beat yourself up about it.
Hope this helps someone today :)
Loves!
Tribe mama
ps. If you need prayer for this email me, I PROMISE I WILL LIFT YOU UP AND YOUR NOT ALONE!

Christmas in the South

2010-12-27T17:20:00.000-08:00

The girls paiting nails

Tagging cousin Oscar with the first snowball of the season!

Poor Cheif he was coming down with the nasty flu this day.

Oh my heck, its been a while. Moving takes a huge adjustment on everyone. I am trying to find the Georgia me, if that makes any sense. I really miss the Washington me, if that makes any sense at all?!

I find myself so sad missing my Washington friends and life. Then there are times like Christmas, where I am in the same room with my mom and dad and family and know this was what I had been missing for so long. My parents just bought a home here in Georgia (they are in Florida) but the wont move till May of next year. Its times when my mom and dad come visit and my parents fill my house with laughter and support and ease. My dad can not stay still so whenever he is over you will find him sweeping out my garage, vacuuming out my van you know they things I DREAD to do. My mom you will find folding laundry, scrubbing my stove and mopping my floors. Is it bad to want your parents to move in with you, is that odd?

I know this seems strange but I enjoy my children so much more when they are with me. I don't feel stressed, I feel at ease and relaxed.

Christmas was amazing, we had HUGE blessings at our door. HUGE! We didn't want to go in dept to have Christmas gifts and we were going to be short a couple of kids, a miracle happened when a new friend handed us 500$ and told us Merry Christmas. I love God and how we works those things out so we can trust him. Even when we start to think He has forgotten us.

We were able to get everything on our kids list. G and E had a great first Christmas!

My parents were on the way out the day after Christmas when I suggested the best thing, take my big boys to Florida! :) We packed them up and sent them to Florida for the week. When would that have been possible? Love that. Our boys get to hang with grandpa all day for a week, they are in heaven!

Still can use your prayers as we are adjusting to a different life, different financial situations as well, and I can use a job!

Friends we miss dearly. Just dearly.

2010-12-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

Some friends are irreplaceable. Simply said.

Georgia in the Fall

2010-12-17T06:58:00.001-08:00

Just a few photos of what Georgia looks like in the fall! Its been super duper cold the other day it was 15 degrees! people keep telling us that this is very rare, yes, it decided to be very unpredictable our first few weeks. BRR!

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

2010-12-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

This video hit home for us. Our son Hudson would be four this year. When his name is mentioned in the same context as what God had said to us it hit home. Watch it. Grab some tissue!

Truth and Lies

2010-12-04T07:09:00.000-08:00

In the last 6 months are family has gone through some MAJOR life changes. MAJOR. Its been challenging and messy and hard, and some sunny breaks in between the hard and challenging.

We brought our children home in June and our house filled with tension as amazing as adoption can be it can also be extremely difficult and emotionally draining. I don't say that to stop anyone from adopting in anyway, Its been a rough road, but SO Worth the blessings! Having our little Roo and then big ones was a huge adjustment. Things were not sweet and lovely like it was with little roo that came home at 3 months, however I feel that her personality even if she came here at 3 years she is just a ray of sunshine ALWAYS!

You are required to read plenty of literature about adoption, I have a wonderful adoption community we share really intimate feelings and I gleaned from them with their older children adoption. I was not aware of the feelings I would deal with in my own icky heart, in my relationships with those closest to me and in my personal spiritual walk. Just in the same way when you have biological children you can read all about every aspect of labor in the 'What to expect while you are expecting" or 'What to expect the first year" and still you will go through emotions that you have never experienced because its a life lesson you have not gone through as yet.

It can be an extremely lonely experience unless you have full support of church and family and friends, and even then, it can linger of solitude. For these reasons..

1. You can not trust the audience who have already thought you should have never adopted in the first place. They may not say it (some do) but its a constant aroma of disapproval and disappointment. Why would you even risk opening your heart to this? You wouldn't and so you don't.

2. Well meaning and loving friends that mean well and love you but have not been there and so can not help with the emotions on this level.

3. You are too emotionally exhausted that even speaking with your spouse about it can turn into a bucket of hurt feelings and confusing emotions.

4. You HAVE to keep it up every day for your kids also your new kids they have gone though something much major than you, MUCH MUCH major.

The chief and I have had to hold up our emotions and then the consistent and one the stable one in my home became unstable with all the changes and relational disappointments. There was a big giant lurking in our home a very dark presence that was weighing us down every day. We were weak from the battle and were even feeling the temptation to lower our shields and we did, targets flew by and hurt us and we were for a bit laying on the ground and taking it. It had taken over our lives we were being disobedient to God in just the mere fact that we were believing lies planted by others used by the enemy to make us even question what we already knew God had orchestrated from the start. It was a hard hard process. Even knowing the truth still the darkness over took me fast.

Then it hit me one day, the hope that I had shun in the darkness of the lies I had believed. Its not about being victories its really about being obedient or disobedient. You can believe the lies that say ''why did you do this, why would you ever think God would bless this?'' " Its really all your doing your husband really didn't want it ( even though this is was totally made up lie, it made me question his heart) ''They would still be friendly to you if you didn't adopt. This lie was the worst, our choosing to adopt should NEVER Stop someone from having a relationship with us or being distant, that's not a GOD thing, AT ALL! And if it did, that's really other peoples conviction not our fault, not ours to own. Many more lies you can choose to believe and sulk low and heavy and allow the enemy to smile at his planted effort is destroying your joy, your peace, your family and even your faith.

OR....YOU CAN RISE ABOVE, Raise your head to the hills, because that's where your help comes from. You can CHOOSE to believe the TRUTH.

This is the Truth friends (not only for me, but for you adopted in his family as well)

YOU ARE ADOPTED into his family, because, He has adopted you (Romans 8:15), because you are HIS because He choose you, He will give you the strenght to follow TRUE RELIGION James 1:27

People will not accept Him (or the things that are of Him) , at times that even means Christians sadly (yes I am gutsy to say that some Christians do not even KNOW HIM, I was one of them Matthew 7:23). ''The World can not accept Him because it does not know Him'' John 14:1

There are promises that He has given us. These Promises need to sustain us. My Comfort in my suffering is this YOUR PROMISE PRESERVES MY LIFE!" Psalm 119:50

This live really is NOT YOUR OWN. You may have dreams and hopes and most times they are not His, even the bestest most noble ones, such as moving your entire family to Africa (my dream that is not Gods ...right now..tehehe) Give it up sista! Jeremiah 10:23

Trails come so your faith can grow (trust me this does not make it easier) 1 Peter 1:7 talks about us having a faith with more value than gold. We are being proved genuine so the end result in that GLORY, PRAISE and HONOR is brought to CHRIST.

Please I ask you to comment with other truths God has shared I know there are PLENTY, these are just the ones that ring true to my heart right now.

This adoption continues to show me how much I need Christ every single day, how much my ugly heart I thought was so lovely is really NOT! It has tested our marriage, along with other changes, it has been a rough 6 months. Not going to lie. We have found uglies in people we love, we have found uglies in our own closet. We have disappointed our children with our lack of emotional stability. We have disappointed each other in the process of really seeing what we are made of.

BUT!! We will rise once again!! My youth group pastor, Stephan Youngblood, wrote this song that a bunch of us sang after hurricane Hugo destroyed our houses and our island back when I lived in the Virgin Islands. It rings deep inside of me till this day

"We will rise once again from the pain we are in,

hand in hand with faith we will stand.

And with God as our guide
Side by Side
Together we will stand!''

Family photos-Kristen Harris

2010-11-24T06:33:00.000-08:00

See all the Super snazzy photos. They are so awesome, Thank you Kristen Harris for hanging in my favorite spot the Pike Place Market in Seattle. I already miss it. You captured the crazy fun love that is the Teabo Tribe! If you are in the Puget Sound area and you do not like the common photo op, then you would love Kristen, she is fresh and modern and just a sweetheart!

Happy 5th Birthday EQ

2010-11-20T11:20:00.001-08:00

This little angel, (he really is not a little angel ;) but he is adorable! He just turned 5 today on National Adoption Day! Is he not the darnest cutest little person...ever!?

What a move!

2010-11-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

NO PHOTOS YET!

We have been here a full week and two days. I have yet to bust out my camera and begin capturing our lives I know, crazy! Our last week in Washington was extremely sad for us, and each one of us had emotional breakdowns. It was VERY emotional. Our new kids regressed because the changes and began to do things they did when they just came. There were melt downs left and right and Chief and I had our own emotions to deal with so I can say it may have not been pretty at our house that last week at all. It was HARD maintaing the peace keeper role.

We ended our last week spending time with friends and family and it made me wish that we all treated each other as if we were moving always. You know the saying you don't know what you have until you loose it. Same concept. We were really embracing our relationships more than we had before, and I am ashamed to use time as an excuse.

The last day approached and saying good byes made me emotionally spent! We had dinner at Chiefs brothers house and it was so sweet. Chiefs brother and his lovely wife and my bestie drove us to the airport. Tears, big tears again.

The next few hours our family did a huge turn around and I was floored by what I saw. We became a unit, everyone helping out, the travel was EASY. The best travel I have ever done with kids. It was as if we were cutting each other grace because we are in it together. Beautiful.

We arrived Georgia, and in an instant, I missed home. I knew it would happen, the last few weeks at home saying good bye to the bestest friends made me second guess our move tons!

I think I change my mind, I kept saying over and over in my head. I looked over to my guy standing by my side and I began to cry. ''I am so scared!'' There you have it folks. Me the brave woman, courageous, I was scared.

My Aunt and Cousin picked us up we went to lunch and then to our new house. Nothing in it, bare. I was missing something. The truck arrived and we began to unpack. The next day feeling a little bit better we went to unpack with the help of family. Then some new friends showed up, two adoption families that new of our arrival and I had been corresponding with.

Fast forward to a few days later. I began to feel better, seeing my family made the difference. My kids adore my cousins Aunty Cindy and Little Oscar (who is not so little ;) My house was getting cozy, I began to hold my chin up.

Fast forward to the first day of school. I was more nervous than the kids, I thought the kids would hate it. They all were starting determined to not like it because the want their old schools back. Recipe for disaster.

The staff and principal welcomed us with Southern hospitality (you get that a ton here!)

The teachers were absolutely excited and sweet. I walked each child into class and left, nervous for them and praying that they would have a decent day, just okay would be fine. I was surprised that when I went to the carpool lane for pick up the teachers walked the children to my car opened the car door and said she checked in on them ALL, and said ''see you tomorrow kids'' and shut my door. Did this just happen, YES, the kids get escorted to the car pool lane! Its so organized they have you pull up and a staff reads the name of the students on your tag for the car, she has a walkie talkie, so when I pull forward all my three are waiting with another teacher. SO...first day. The all came in the the van and began to talk all at once. They were so excited!!! They loved it! One child in J mans class walked around the class and got kids to sign a card to welcome him. His name is Ryan. The same name of his bestie back home.

A-man loves his teacher, G.G. loves the school. Favorite is lunch, I guess they get smoothies with hot lunch, and a ton of selections. The way to my kids heart is.. you got it, food! Today is day 4, and it continues to blow me away the amazing staff and the way the teachers are all on top of the education. I am impressed!!

I have so much more to say, but I gotta get out of boxes some more,. More later, on our move.

PS. My sister and parents come tomorrow to spend a week with all of us and I am SO SO excited!!!

7 Days

2010-11-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

I am an emotional wreck on the home front. I am scared, I am sad to leave my best friends. I am nervous and I am wiping tears from my children's eyes. A couple times I almost threw in the towel! Change is hard. I am living out of a suitcase right now, and in the next few hours will be packing my home computer. Chief is packing the TV right now. We are TIRED. I am so happy that I have amazing friends that have planned night outs and parties for us to keep my mind from going crazy. I have had help packing from some sweet friends.
Please pray for our family in transition, and right now we are camping so...if you think about us pray EXTRA hard! Extra hard also for family that we are leaving, its going to be HARD.

ON THE GOOD SIDE: I have friends already in Georiga and already a church we defiantly want to check out. This Church's home group without even knowing us has said they would forfeit a home group night to help us unpack the truck. For reals?! It will be okay

Happy Halloween

2010-11-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

I PITY THE FOOL THAT DON'T GET ME CANDY!

Some snit bits of our Teabo Tuesday fun!

Mummy Meatloaf I fogot the picture but the meatloaf also came with ghostly potato skins, that had sourcream and green onions. All ideas from Family Fun magazine.

Mac N Cheese octopus

Our Ghana kids first Halloween, they were very scared. I had to skip out on stores that had the icky scary costumes. This Halloween our first born really wanted to go as something 'not cute' in his own words and there you go, white face and fangs not cute he went. BUT, the kids could not stand near him, they were to frightened. Overall when it came to the first door they were more than happy to go again and again. Now 4lbs of candy later....we are awaiting the candy fairy maybe she will show up tonight? :)

What every adoptive/Foster family needs-Post placement

2010-10-26T21:37:00.001-07:00

I have been home for 5 months with our new Ghana kids. Just now finding a little bit of normal, oh wait we are moving scratch that! It was a very difficult (and that is a true understatement) summer transition. I have been asked by families and friends what they can do to help, when we just got back. I kept telling everyone, I don't know what I need! I have had some time to process those months and I am now able to share what families need when kids come home or have been placed for foster in your home. Or what you will probably need bringing your child home so when people from your church or friends and families ask you can say this. Or friends and families and church body we can all come together and surround families with support this way as well.

1. Newborns:

No matter what age the child is, think of it as though you brought newborns into your home. This summer I brought home twins! So now imagine what a new mom of two twin babies would need and start there. Meals sign ups, people to watch other kids while they bond, someone to help clean, bring a few bags of groceries, bring a cup of coffee, with much understanding and a big smile and hug is very necessary. They want to feel loved and supported through this transition period, they need space to bond, but they need to know family and friends are there and sometimes they don't know what they need so offering something would be the best solution.

2. Compassion and understating.

The adoption process has JUST begun when the kids come home. Its not an instant bond right away for some of us. There are tons of adjusting these kids are NOT typical and so the last thing any adoptive parents need in a lack of understanding or compassion to a new family. These kids you can bet your cowboy boots are much younger emotionally and developmentally than their age, so compassion with that will help families. Don't look at an 8 year old with 8 year old expectations. Rule of thumb 1 month for every years so for 8 months my 8 year old girl will need around the clock compassion and care, before I can even look to see her as even close to an 8 year old, right now to me she is 6. Also a listening ear, some times families need the chance to vent, without the feeling of ''I told you so, you are way over your head'' looks. Knowledge is power, if you are very close to a family and will be apart of an adoptive family it would be beneficial to get educated on how to help adoptive children and families transition home. Here is a link to a good start. It takes a village!

3. Couples need to connect:

Adoptive parents, even though the mom is not pregnant does have hormonal changes and need to go on dates with her spouse. It WILL change your marriage no matter how strong you though you were before. This is time consuming more than you probably though it would be so time away for you as parents is much needed.

4. Prayer and support:

Families need to know that they are being prayed for around the clock, this time of transition is EXTREMELY fragile! If families felt the support of a loving arms around them and felt like they could turn to a community when they needed to is much help.

5. Not a time to be critical or insensitive:

Save the drama for someone else during this transition of a family being home. Already the mother is having emotions she probably never was prepared for of even knew she was capable of feeling, so do not add to the complexity of the situation by adding any negative comments, to get a point across. This is a time of love and healing, no need to add any other components in there.

6. Learn to use the right terminology for adoption.

People are unaware of the words they choose to use when speaking of or to adoptive families for example. Which one are yours? They are ALL mine! Which one are the real ones? They are all REAL. People really are not being mean or insensitive, they just need to be taught which words are okay to use and which ones can be inappropriate especially around the family. My 10 year old is very sensitive to these words, bless his little heart.

7. You have not been forgotten!

I can imagine(maybe some of my friends or families feel this way) sometimes people may feel forgotten. Perhaps you were very close before the adoption or saw this family more often and now the kids are home you never see each other or hear from them very often. This is a HUGE life change, for a family, You are not forgotten. BUT most families do seek refuge in other adoptive families because there is a commonality there. Just like when you get married you seem to shift away from your single friends, or when you have a child, you slowly become surrounded with young families and all you do is talk about color of baby poop and car seats. Adoption world is no different.

8. Love. Love. Love , love is all you need!

It breaks my heart when I see that adoption tears a family or friends apart. Breaks my heart that there are oppositions to something this amazing. People do have their own opinions great and dandy and all, but when a family brings home a child those feelings do not need to become apart of the relationship. Let it go. I have seen it in some families lives and it really makes me so sad to see. Some friends of mine have had to really let a relationship go because the grandma could not love on the kids because of the color of their skin. IGNORANT. I can't even imagine that! I don't have that issue but that would really make me sad. Perfect Love cast out all fear. All you need is Love!

9. All children are created EQUAL.

Treat the adoptive children the same as biological as best you can. Trust me, it can be a challenge with older children, but the biological kids need to see you treating the adoptive kids just in the same way, and looking at them in the same light.

10. Still human, not saints.

I love how much encouragement I have had with our adoption, it outweighs the negative by ten fold. BUT, I feel like someone is watching for me to fail somewhere. It can be pride, yes. It can also be that we are not saints. This is a HUGE thing and yes amazing but we are human, so, these families are Not saints for what they choose to do. They are simply following something God has mandated to do.

11. Respect this families need to keep the child's story to themselves:

These kids have experienced so much more than your normal typical American child. These stories belong to the families and children. When people pry to get information even just out of curiosity you are putting the family in an awkward position to share something that's not even theirs to share in the first place. Some families will only share with very close familiy memebers or friends. Our kids stories are know by a select few that we choose to confide in. Two reason why kids are orphaned or given up for adoption. 1. death of families 2. extreme poverty.

12. Celebrations! (via@Chris B.)

When babies are born there is a celebration of some kind, shower, a party celebrating the new birth. When older children come home or even a foster child that can be overlooked. Chris B. mentioned taking the mom out to lunch even would be a treat to celebrate the families union. Same thing goes for when a family announces an adoption. For that family its just the same as saying, I have a positive pregnancy test! I have a friend when she told her parents she was adopting the mom shouted it from the roof tops she called all her friends and shared the GOOD NEWS. This is what we want as parents. Trust me, anything other would really break these families hearts.

FOSTER FAMILIES:

I have some foster friends and I am in awe of what they are doing. When you foster a child you have no guarantee that the child that has been living with you that you have been calling yours will end up staying. They get to nurture a baby/child, and then many times return them to a situation they don't feel good about. Its heart wrenching, but its Gods love! This is something I have noticed and would like to share on how we can help them.

1. When a child is placed in their home, they become their child, they fit right in. My sweet friend Amie has had 18+ children in her home over the last few years, she has pictures of ALL of them. They are close to her heart. I have seen her bring them in, and they are instant family. Its amazing. So when they have a child in the home the same thing applies.

Meals, calls to check in, bonding, and even a baby shower!!

2. Yes life goes on BUT do not bombard these foster families with anything extra. Even though these kids are from the US they need hands on like you can't even imagine. These families need to be the ones being taken care of not the other way around.

3. They need to feel the support of church and family and friends. Feel that people are praying for them, encouraged in ways through the process. If the church can provide respite care for baby sitting while the couple connect, or someone to come and do laundry, I am serious here, why are you laughing?!

Foster parents (the good ones) are really amazing, get to know them. My friends Amie, Darbi, Dottie and Lorna. Erin M, I watch them love on these children I have cried with my friends as they have seen the children they have nurtured go to someone else, or worse back to an unstable home because of the law. My friend Amie has fought like a Lion for some of these children, she has shed tears, and have bruised knees from praying for them. Some she gets for a very short time, and some longer, and still they leave her home. I guarantee its a huge difference even when she may not feel like it is. She has been a safe place and a refuge for these children when the alternative is unimaginable. Its a love without guarantees, who does that remind you of? If you are in her community, PLEASE care for her she has a heart of gold, if you go to her church surround her with prayer and words or kindness.

Get to know the foster families in your church!

*FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST FAMILIES*

Crazy Teabos

2010-10-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

Yeah the chief and I have been talking tats for a while now, its just been one of those things where we say ''yeah that would be so cool, right?'' A couple of weeks ago we talked about it again. Chiefs cousin who is such a sweet guy and an amazing artist works in a Tattoo Parlor in Centralia Washington. We left the kids with grandma, which was a little awkward to do. Here watch our kids so we can do something totally young and crazy and get tats, she was very gracious about it though didn't tease us or anything.

We both wanted to get something that would never change in our lives. EVER. Mine was the word adopted. Because I am adopted into Gods family, because that day I accepted Christ was the turning point and changed me from the inside out, because my adoption inspires me to adopt.

Frank got his life verse James 1:27

''Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.''

He feels like this verse is exactly what God meant by religion. We are religious but only in a way that our Father accepts and that is Pure and Faultless to Him, nothing less. The world may try to pollute us to think religion is something else but this is it. Its there black and white.

Yes it hurt like a mother, yes I am sure people will ask me if I was adopted, I am hoping that they do, because then I can share with them my journey and my walk. NO we are not the type of people who think God does not want tattoos...obviously!

We are the typical Christians. You know the ones that drink brewsky, gets tats and nose piercings, and even cuss when we stub our toes. Thats us.

What is it like.. a daughter from another mother?

2010-10-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

My biggest fear about adopting an older child was that she would not be able to see me as her mom or bond with me. Never, not once, did I even question my ability to bond with her. I am the adult after all and I know where she comes from.
I know a small part of her story. It would be a piece of cake for me to have compassion and understating. This summer my preconceived thoughts proved me very wrong. I felt ashamed for my lack of bonding not at all on her side, she was ready arms open wide for a mama. For sure there were many situations that allowed me to fell ill equipped, but I began to take her attitude and adjustment personal. She would begin to push and I allowed her to push until I had a dis-connect. I had a hang up, I would find myself unable to comfort her when she needed it, because I was still upset about the last episode of battles. I felt ashamed, I know this is what I was suppose to do, but wasn't this suppose to be a little easier on my end and my emotions, I am the stable one here right?~! Dr. Karen Purvis lecture at the Together for adoption conference a few weekends ago made me realize I had hang ups from my past. I needed to look at the past, heal so I can parent much better. I get so many compliments of my ''goodness'' for adopting an older child so many ''that's great that you can, I don't think I can'' the ''wow your a saint''., people mean well when they say these things. In Reality I am no saint. I am a selfish individual, I get very grouchy at the loss of me time, I get very upset when my kids disrespect, I loose my temper, I get critical, I am dismissive often, I get frustrated and show no mercy or grace when it could be so easy to do so. BUT....
Gods Grace is so sufficient for me. I am growing, I am learning that older children adoption does not mean you get all this baggage, It means that God shows you all the baggage YOU HAVE, helps you to heal from them to help your fragile child become whole again, and through it guess what you become whole again too.
What is it like... a daughter from another mother? LIFE CHANGING.

The stinking mess....EVERWHERE!

2010-10-23T21:49:00.000-07:00

I offically can't stand packing. I want it to be over. I want to be all done. I am so far from it. The moving truck come this Thursday and we keep it for a few days before it leaves, on the 2nd. We take off the 8th and our renters move in pretty much right after that. SO, here is what I have to figure out help me out here. I have no car and no beds from the 2 or 3 so for about 6 days we are going to sleep in our sleeping bags and eat on paper plates for a few days, I can do this no problem. It the getting around I may have some issues with. SO...if you are close to my home during these days, come see me I will be stranded and will need some coffee! I may sneak over to Chiefs mom and dad and sleep under their roof for a few days too...I may just surprise them with my whole tribe ;)!

H*A*T*E* PACKING!

Adopted

2010-10-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

When your international adopted child enters the United States (depending on country) they come in with legal immigrant status under you, they are ''unofficially'' US citizens. In order to get full status and have the kids get your name officially they must be readopted in an US State court. Bunch of silliness if you ask me because you are still a family if its official or not. BUT, it is what it is and before we moved out of state we had to do it, otherwise we would be paying to have a new home study in the new state and that's a pretty penny!

We drove to the court house in Port Townsend, our paperwork helper Mrs. Little lives there and made it very easy for us to provide her with paperwork and she did all the work! As great as this was, I was a little annoyed that we had to do this in the first place, hey I have TONS of packing to do still.

Our entire family came for the ride. We arrived and waited for Mrs. Little and walked into the court room, we were the only family in the room, the judge walked in and we were asked to stand up. The judge has a deep voice that reminded me of the Santa on the Polar Express. He asked all of us to walk up to the podium little Roo on chiefs arms and all the other kids quietly staring, there was a plaintiff next to the clerk and he had a gun on his side, I think the kids were mesmerized and a little scared to move...awesome. The next part was very emotional for me, I had to hold back tears because I was about to bust out into ugly cry.

He asked us if we both understood what adoption was about ''For life, no give backs, for life, we are responsible for the kids, for the actions they do (crap) for the nurturing, we are their family''...we both looked at each other and looked back at the judge ''yes, yes we do understand'' Then he looked at our biological sons and said ''Are you ready to take these kids on as your own brother and sisters, these are your brother and sisters, are you willing to share your life with them?'' Our boys looked up at them and said ''yes!'' He looked at our family and walked down and shook Franks hand and mine and said ''thank you and congratulations on Your family, you!''

It was beautiful, but it made me think of my adoption. My ADOPTION, my acceptance into my Fathers family, FOR LIFE, NO GIVE BACKs. It made me think of the day I was welcomed by my daddy, the day I felt my life had purpose, the day I felt wanted, treasured, accepted.

Adoption is a snapshot of our Salvation, everyday I am reminded that I am by Grace a daughter of a Mighty King. I am reminded that I am ACCEPTED just as I am. I am reminded that I walked into a court room (not literally) and looked at the judge in all His Mercy and HE CHOOSE ME! I am reminded that I am worth more than rubies. I am reminded that I have brothers and sisters who are so different than me and still they are MY brothers and sisters. You know from reading my blog from knowing me personally why I talk about adoption so much, but today I ask you to do me a favor, close your eyes, wait don't close you have to read...so think about the day (if there has been a day for you) that you were called into His family the date of your Adoption. Think about the Welcome you got, we all have had different experience, some more exaggerated that others, but we all remember the feeling of having a daddy welcome us. You got the feeling? This is Adoption. This is what God wants for his little ones.

Good Byes or See you soons!

2010-10-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

Its been a roller coast of emotions as we are packing and meeting with old and sweet friends to say good bye. I think I have 5 girl outings with different set of friends, and we have a few good bye parties. This last weekend our neighborhood gathered at the end of our street for Octoberfest. Our sweet neighbors new the way to Chiefs heart... beer. They had sampling of beer and playing beer games ( I make him sound like a lush huh!) We both Love Jesus, AND we enjoy a good brew! The afternoon was so special for Chief and I to enjoy the company of our neighbors and it was bitter sweet. It hit me right in that spot in your throat that makes your eyes water, yeah, that one. I think about five times last week, I asked chief are we doing the right thing. This year I LOVE everything about our kids school teachers. They have the best teachers we have ever had and go to the best school they have ever been.

Someone told me that when you are moving everything seems nicer and things you never appreciated before you are now looking at.

For now I am saying I will see you soon, makes it sting less.

New doo!

2010-10-19T22:05:00.001-07:00

I walked into my hair Salon and I will miss my hair lady very much :(. She is the best at curly hair ever. So if you are in the Puget Sound area and have curly hair visit Naomi at Marie Alice Salon. I walked in with the intention of a trim, a boring old trim. When the girls behind the counter always make me feel so out of style, just by their sheek hair and snazzy boots. Naomi had bangs, I commented on how much I would love bangs but my crazy curl hair and bangs no combo right? Naomi looks at me and says you are so funky and cool you can pull it off. Peer pressure sheesh. I walked out with bangs. I giggled at my hubby because he had a school boy gaze at me, I remind him on Winnie Copper from the Wonder Years. Thats good right?!

Tomorrow morning it will NOT look this good, trust me.

When you think of us tomorrow by the way...we become official our family will go to court and re-adopt all 3 kids tomorrow afternoon at 1 we all will have the same last name!

Don't read my blog today

2010-10-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Read my friends Kristen. Please. Allow it to speak to you and if doesnt check your pulse.

I almost missed out...

2010-10-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

I almost let fear over take my heart and not step forward for these kids.

I almost let the voice of others become my voice of reason.

I almost let my selfish ambition and dreams destroy this life.

I almost listened when some people called us crazy (to our faces) and wanted to become sane again.

I almost let the world's ideal become my reality.

I almost coward from the courage inside placed by a King mightier than ever.

I almost let joy be stolen from my plight for my kids.

I almost chased a life not set out for me, to be ''liked'' again.

I almost believed it when I was told I was being selfish.

I almost MISSED OUT on this. I ALMOST MISSED OUT ON THIS!

T4A- Tom Davis from Hope Chest International

2010-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

I signed up for my friends Tom Davis session on child trafficking this last weekend at T4A. Sat right down and began to listen as he shared his story on how he became involved with Orphan care and the beginning of Hope Chest International. The room sat still as he began to talk about the children that are trafficked every year.

1.2 million children are trafficked every year; this is in addition to the millions already held captive by trafficking

Every 2 minutes a child is being prepared for sexual exploitation

The average victim is forced to have sex up to 40 times a day

The average age of a trafficked victim is 14 years old

Sex trafficking is an engine of the global AIDS epidemic

By 2010 Sex Trafficking will be the number one crime worldwide

The astonishing number that kept ringing inside me was that for the World Cup there were 40,000 people trafficked, That was one world event, ONE.I am sure most of them are under age and they also not alarming that most of these children are orphans. Why orphans. They are the target, no one cares about them. No one will realize there is one less orphan in this world. The stats he shared were alarming, but these girls have a face each of them matter to our Abba. If they matter to Abba because of their status ''orphan'' then the need to matter to us, the Bride of Christ.

If you check out the number of children trafficked from your own back yard it will also be alarming. Most of these children have BOTH parents, they get baited in through the Internet and sadly fall victim to horrible crimes. If you live in Seattle and Portland guess what your number 1! If you don't believe me just Google it read the articles. Its sick and wrong! What made me open my ears also is that when "men or women get hooked on pornography they are fueling the child trafficking industry'' -Tom Davis. Sick.

Tom played a video where girls who had escaped the traffic ring in Moldavia Russia had spoke about the experience. Watching these girls speak about the captivity they had been in and are healing from made my heart pierce. This is what Religion is to set the captives free! How on earth can we even ignore this situation??

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners Isaiah 61

Yeah that's our job!

Hope Chest International fights trafficking and has safe homes set up in some of these cities, they have been successful in rescuing girls from the grips of this horrific evil. The rescues are not only taking them out but setting them up with counselor for helping healing of these girls and providing safe place for them.

We were in Tom Davis Q&A where we got to ask questions and Tom and Vince Giordano Outreach director for Hope Chest, were very helpful in answering these questions. One person asked how much these rescues cost $2300-2600. This includes everything to help the girls get out, and help them receive all the things they will need. We were all done with the Q&A and I am sure I can express what everyone in that room was feeling like we were hit with a ton of bricks. The gentleman that asked the question about the cost stood up and asked if he can say some things. This is what he shared in a nutshell

''I am sure that everyone here wants to do something, Now we can, we can all walk out this room and come Monday morning we may not think about these girls! I have counted us in this room we are 80 if we can all give 30$ we can rescue one girl, think about it like your own daughter. I have a 4 year old daughter and I can't even begin to imagine this! Whatever you give I will double, please don't walk out without doing something!''

We began to open our wallets and people writing checks and placing all the money on the podium, hoping that we will at least fund to save one girls lives. Look at what happened here.

Tom has a new novel out called Priceless. Check out this website to see how you can be engaged in helping set captives free!

T4A- Together for adoption-Karen Purvis

2010-10-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in Austin Texas at Together for Adoption. My friend Jenn and I arrived to Austin Texas at midnight! I meet my friend Erica for the first time, and we just hit it off! She is one of those people you can meet and you don't feel like you need a lot of background your just buds right from the start! We found our way after 5 turn around to the hotel and woke poor Suzi up from her slumber. 3 am lights out and bright and early the next morning we were up and ready for the conference. In the hotel lobby you look around to find many people wearing Adoption love T-s. 147 million, Africa shirts, sporting some cute orphan loving gear. I felt connected with everyone. I meet some super fabulous women! The funny thing is I felt so small with the number of kids in my family. When I would ask how many kids these women's had, moms were telling me 8,9,13! When I said 5 in normal circles I have this side snarl I do, because I am anticipating the other persons response which in most cases is "WOW YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL!'' So saying I have 5 felt like saying I have 2!

We drove to to Hill Country Bible Church in Austin all anticipating the teachings we would have. Would they be beneficial, or would I feel like I do with most conferences a bit challenged and ready to change my pare ting ways, or even broaden my views to go back to the not so challenged again in a few short weeks.

We grabbed our seats and the music began Aaron Ivey was at the piano, the room was full with music and sound, I closed my eyes for worship, it was amazing, the band was lively, God spirit filled my insides.

The first break out session I listened as Karen Purvis a developmental psychologist from Fort Worth Texas who works with foster and adopted children from 'hard places', began to shed light to the immense depth to the pain my children are carrying. She would speak in her oh so sweet motherly Texan accent and I would want to crawl on her lap and have her whisper to me my preciousness. I felt like I had been hit by a book, my stomach was in knots after listening to her first session. I knew my children had come from hard places, I had to do research and listen to hours of videos and we had to read books before our children came home. Yeah we got it. Now, I GET IT. I have not been nurturing the kids as they would need, I became a love and logic parent as I do with my other children and It was not working with them. There was no connection, and things were not changing they were just existing in nowhere land.

These are quotes I remember Karen saying "You must never get into a control battle with your child, never, its not worth the win'', ''Your child has been bleeding before he came to your home, the bleeding must stop you do not need to add to it.'' ''Your children are survivors, you know what that means don't you?'' ''Never challenge their survivor skills, they are doing what they know how to survive.'' My kids were doing well, but there was a connection I was missing with my oldest especially. Sad to say some days I was feeling left on feeling connected to my bio kids.

She shared the phych of the brain and how it didn't matter how old the child was before he/she came to you. She said many of the kids that ended up in her care, kids that end up in her care, come from REALLY hard situations, the parents were in the delievery room when they were born! The 9 months that you spend growing a child, nurting yourself to grow your baby does a HUGE diifrence in a child. HUGE. The next three years you spend comforting that baby when they cry, feeding, tending to basic needs, even if that child did have this care, it was not from you. There has been severe trama to this child, and yes there is a way to bring this child to healing. There is a DO and a DO NOT list and I think we have mostly been checking off Do Nots :(.

I am going to tell you, if you are adopting, have adopted or will foster or are fostering, this is a MUST to read and watch her videos. I am even trying it with my bio kids, Karens program.

Let me tell you a little about it I have been doing it for the last 5 days and have seen an IMMENSE change in my older 8 year old. Cradle every two hours, I know this sounds so strange, but while she is in my care every two hours, I give her a snack and water and cradle her yes in my arms. I rock her back and forth and I whisper precious words to her.

The crazy thing is its helped with my son with special needs. HUGE! She is a miracle worker for sure. I just need to find the strengths for those times where I am rushed and I need to take a moment to connect. Also to give up all the other methods I have hung on to before. Methods that were learned for our biological children can not be used for our children that come from a hard place. Simply can not!

I will let Ya'll ( My new word for my Souther friends) know how connection goes in the future.