Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Yesterday Little Hudson would be 7

We never know what to do for birthdays of our baby boy taken from the earth far too soon. We usually go with what feels right.   Yesterday was a harder day than normal for us. We could not figure exactly why. Its been 7 years and since then we have added 3 new people to our little now big family.  In 7 years we have moved out of Washington back to Washington and well there have been a ton of changes for us. We both have gone though some pretty raw changes in our lives both spiritually and emotionally.   Seven years I believe was a reflection. 
   There were no birthday cakes for our boy yesterday. No one called to wish him a happy birthday  but I did get sweet texts and messages from family and friends and that means so much to us. 
   Yesterday both Frank and I drove to his cemetery held hands as we stood over his grave. Emotions just washed over me for a minute. We said no words just held each other and after about 5 minutes we sighed hard and walked away. 
                   All day yesterday I would go through moments of rough grief. I would look inside Huddys (my sweet friend Lindsey nicked named this and ...well...it stuck) box. 



Trying to see if the hat he wore still carried his scent. Closing my eyes and remembering the tender moments we had with him, the countless times we rolled him into surgery and the wait during.  Then the times that followed the deep grief.  The good parts. The parts where we had tremendous helpers.  

                                                

 It bothered my why this one was worse than the 6 the 5 the 4 even the 1.  I began to Google if 7 years has any significance . It does . Psalm 12:6
 The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times
Psalms 12:6
   
          Turns out that 7 in bible time is the year of completion. 

 The completion of his creation.  On the 7th day he rested, 7th day he completed his work.  
    
   If you ever loose a child you will know there is no healing from this. There is always a hole in your heart no matter what you do. 
Its not a lack of faith its just living here on earth its part of the deal heart break. 

   I know 7 doesn't mean that my brokenness is completed. I am really not sure what it mean to be honest. I do know that we feel his life served a HUGE purpose in our day today.  We would not have ever adopted had Hudson been with us.  Our family was completed by his life. That is what this means to me and the reflection of that yesterday was not forgotten.    I wish I could just smell his hair one more time.  just once. 

1 comment:

Sophie said...

I'm so sorry for you. I understand your pain because I see it on my mothers face everyday. My brother died 14 yrs ago and a mother never forgets.

I love how you say that's its not a lack of faith because that's so true, it's just about how deeply you miss them.

Lifting you and your family up in prayer.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!