Monday, December 3, 2012

To my 18 year old self on the morning of your 1st day married.



I married my YWAM (youth with a Mission) sweetheart at 18.   People, that's 8 years after my tenth birthday! He was 21. Good Lord.
        On the 29th of November we celebrated 15 years.  15!
Its been a crazy, rough, lovely, beautiful, sorrowful, and  blessed 15.
 If I could go back, I would write a letter that I would read to myself the morning after I took the vows. 15 very important things. If I know Nat, I know she would roll her eyes at me. She was  is a feisty one.
 Natalie,
  If I could have told you last week, to wait a bit longer and I knew you would listen I would tell you wait. You know how people were calling you two "babies" you are!  Its a done deal now kitten so listen up. 
    1. You brought a ton of crap with you. At 18 you had a past of hurt, and brokenness. Things happened to you that you had no control over. You are not over it. It has deeply pained you. It will be the root of many of your issues that arise in the next 15 years of your marriage.  Seek counseling right away do not wait for the issues to arise. 

2.  The man you married can not fill your hurt and holes. You will expect him to, he will let you down every single time and its not even his job to do.  One person can fill that need one person can heal and you know its not the one sleeping next you. Its the power of a cross and a redeemer. Do not confuse these two.

3. Do not try to be someone else. Find your own person and wife to be.  Oh and the Proverbs 31 woman does not exist  You are going to struggle to be her. You will feel like a failure because you are seeing it as a to do list. Look at that scripture as a blessing over you. Not as a litmus test. 

4.  Take this time to go to school. Really you can do it. You are smarter that you think you are. 

5. Wait on babies, they are super hard work and change your body and your brain. Wait. 

6. That boy next to you needs your help to become a man. Let him make mistakes with our your voice to correct him. Love him by keeping the critical mouth shut.

7. Money: Save it. Spend less than you make...do not buy house's you can not afford. Never ever take  dept on a card ..EVER.

8. Laugh more. Its the medicine that will help you through many of life pains and sorrows. 
              
9. Those love letters get less and less that does not mean the love gets less and less.  So maybe you exchange letters a few times a year...and maybe those notes come via text. BUT...the love is still vast and beautiful. Also he sees love through clean dishes not through the poem you wrote. I know... your totally the opposite. Love languages a good read.

10. You will suffer some losses. It will hit you harder than your knees will be able to handle. You will buckle. You will ache with a sadness you will want to sleep and not wake.  You will be tested through them. You will feel like you failed that test. You will walk out of it a different person. You will find gratitude for the pain.  You will.

11. YOU are a basket case and you are jacked up. Be honest about that. If people can not handle this about you, do not be friends. Easy and simple. Some may have a hard time with your personality.  Sometimes its not about you to begin with. Do not engage in the whys.  Forgive seek forgiveness move on.

12. One day you will wake the boy next to you will be a man. He will hold things on his shoulder that will stress him out more than you . You can not understand the way he he feels.  Pray for him here.

13. Ease his heart, His maker and creator and Father loves him to no end. There is no condition on that love and you never place that on him. Love him, sacrificially, love him selflessly. Cover him every single day in prayer. Armor him with Grace. Secure his heart always. He is loyal and loving and safe.

13. You will fall in love with him over and over BUT Sometimes he will make you so mad you want to punch him. Most times you will make him mad and he will want to punch you.   Sometimes your so busy you will feel like roommates. Distance will settle and it will get uncomfortable,  work hard at creating romance, and a sense of priority in him. Even when you are tired.



14.     Your going to suck. Your going to fail. Its inevitable. Learn from it, Move on.



                  


15.     Most importantly. Most important thing ever ever ever. .....
    You were entrusted with him. He is not yours completely he was bought with a price of the redeemer.   Your job in to be faithful with what has been entrusted to you. This beautiful man. 

                       

3 comments:

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE- GREAT POST!!!! SOOOOOOOOO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Timmer said...

Beautiful (and practical) words!! I didn't get married until I was 26 yrs old and I still feel like I had NO IDEA what I was doing or what I was getting into. I've learned so much in the past four years. I think I need to sit down and write a letter to myself on my wedding day. That would be a good way to reflect on my marriage and refocus my priorities!

Timmer said...

Beautiful (and practical) words!! I didn't get married until I was 26 yrs old and I still feel like I had NO IDEA what I was doing or what I was getting into. I've learned so much in the past four years. I think I need to sit down and write a letter to myself on my wedding day. That would be a good way to reflect on my marriage and refocus my priorities!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!