Sunday, October 14, 2012

The worst word in the English Dictionary.....

This past week we found out some bad news about someone EXTREMELY near and dear to me. Every time I feel my lips about to form this word my stomach turns and my heart pants faster. Cancer. Started Chemo, will have an operation. Will fight this.

 I bawled like a baby on Friday when I was conference called by my dear one and my mother.  I held it together as I heard her speak. Cancer ..she maintained composure and she began to share the details of the diagnosis of the prognosis of the treatment to come. 
   Hot tears rolling down my face, a pit to my stomach. I wanted to throw up.  She was finishing up the details and finished with "don't worry" "I will be okay" as if talking herself into it. I repeated it like a mantra over and over in my head. She finished up, we all hung up. Hardly speaking a word besides "I will call you later, k." 

  I threw my phone, I cupped my hands over my mouth as if trying to shush my own voice. No use, I let it out.   "No...why...why her....Why not me instead?"  Stupid things like "can I take her place. She has babies!"  Realizing I do too, but when you love someone this vast this deep, rational says protect. This is my job for this person anyways, I am her older sister.  My little 31 year old sweet sister has the C word ....Cancer
    


                                   her sweet little family
         
   Worst word in the English vocabulary. Cancer there is no warmth to it.   No matter what kind these are fighting words. Fight for health, fight for life.     
                           Her babies need her....we need her.
I want to say it will be okay. I want to say after this operation it will take every cell away. I want it to go away, I want it to never have existed in her body to begin with.  I want to be strength for her.  Even when I am afraid.   
                          
                    
  It will not be an easy road. She has a mess in front of her. She will need support and prayer in every way. 
    Many many survivors, many happy ever afters. She will be one. 
        We will have more times like this when she is well. 

                                        (don't ask! ha!)
 some more times like this...... 



 and these moments


   and in the meantime....Be praying for her. For Strength for wisdom of doctors, for support. For Community of care at her feet since we do not live close.     
   One day soon...we will hear that word.. (the C word) and it will just be another part of life. 
         We are going to get kick this shit!   (excuse the french!)  oh yeah and comment to let her know you are on board with praying!! 
      

11 comments:

Rachel Cameron said...

She is in our prayers as well as your family. A good support system is the best way to keep a positive outlook on this trying time. I am convinced that is what kept my mom going for the extra 2yrs the docs said she wouldn't have. God is in charge and he has this whole battle already planned out for her no matter what choices are made and what roads are taken. You are all in HIS hands and HE loves you all very much. Love you and know that you are in our prayers every night. *HUGS*

Rachel Cameron said...

She is in our prayers as well as your family. A good support system is the best way to keep a positive outlook on this trying time. I am convinced that is what kept my mom going for the extra 2yrs the docs said she wouldn't have. God is in charge and he has this whole battle already planned out for her no matter what choices are made and what roads are taken. You are all in HIS hands and HE loves you all very much. Love you and know that you are in our prayers every night. *HUGS*

Karen said...

I hate cancer. HATE. I will be praying. And yes, kick its BUTT!

Karen said...

I hate cancer. HATE. I will be praying!!!

Jess said...

said a prayer for your family... hugs.

FullPlateMom said...

She is going to kick this #&*%! Praying for her BIG time in Wisconsin!!!!

Ellen Enright said...

I'm so sorry. I will be praying.

Denice said...

Oh Nat, my heart hurts for all of you. Your sister will definitely be in my prayers!!!

Denice said...

Oh Nat, my heart hurts for all of you. Your sister is definitely in my prayers! I'm so sorry. {hugs}

The Last Crusade said...

Praying for y'all. It's gonna be alright. I'm sure she'll fight like hell, and come out a winner.

Timandem said...

Thank you for sharing! Praying for sweet girl that holds a special fondness in my heart! Love to her and all of you!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!