Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ideal Mama/Wife



I have been a mom for 11 years a wife for almost 14 (this month!) For these years I have been devoted to my family and when side tracked the Lord has gently/sometimes not so gently brought me back to the base home. Early before kids Chief and I decided together that we really wanted me to be home with the kids, I took on some part time here and there. For the most part I was a stay at home mom/wife. Molding my children making my family. Figuring it out. I do not regret not for one minute the choice of being home with them. It was amazing to wake up to tiny feet sticking out of the bars of the crib, and snuggle with babies in footed PJs. Oh I could do it again and again! In the midst of it, there was so much of a fight in me, a fight to overcome the perfect stay at home mom/wife.

I took countless Bible studies where we read devotional books upon books on how to accomplish just that. Lead/and participated discussions on what a Proverbs woman embodied, and how to achieve it. At my bedside table there was always a plethora of "How to" be the better mom/wife help books. I would attain said goals for a few days, be so excited with it and then tear myself down inside when it was not to the standard that I knew was expected of me, by my own standard directed from these how to books. I remember Chief saying to me countless times "are you trying a new how to book?" Do not get me wrong there are plenty of great books out there on how to enjoy/embark/entertain/embody/ this ideal womanhood. Its when we cling to them as truth instead of right from the WORD itself where it becomes unhealthy.

What good was it to be at home with my children when I would be grumpy with them because of the guilt I felt of not cleaning up the home, cooking the great dinner, and then to top it off the guilt I felt because I was short with them at the end of the day. And still trying to achieve trophy wife status (not to the world standards in shape!) but I wanted to have the house totally cleaned and dinner roasting in the oven so that when chief came home the aroma would catch him at the door. It happened many many nights. Also there were many nights that the aroma that caught him at the door was NOT a meal waiting for him at the door but maybe a dirty diaper, I did not get to in time. It may have been a clump of messy shoes and bags and the 5:30 glare of what's for dinner lurking in the air. In those moments I felt like I failed.
Then came the decision every parent has to decide home school/private/public. Then there are the friends with the opinions on what they are doing, and then there is this pressure to decided from all sides.
Here is whats been on my heart lately where is the freedom in living to a standard set by man? I read this post today by Katie Orr. She wrote on her struggle on being a stay at home mom. She finished with this "I have had to let go of what the "ideal" mom looked like, and as I have it has freed me to be a better mom.

There is danger when we try to encamp in the ideal of what this Proverbs mom looks like. Yes our ministry is our home and our children and our husbands, but first and foremost our devotions in to the Lord, not to mans image of what this looks like.

I too am finding the freedom of letting this ideal go. Its made me free to be who the Lord has made me to be, Why did I not learn this 11 years ago! I would have saved my own heart from so many lies. I could have been my best friend instead of my worst enemy! DUH!

So what gives do we let it all go and become couch women that dictate orders in between commercials ;0 NO, There are clear directions of how we are to be busy at work, doers. For the grey areas, you let the Lord direct you in them, not a book, not someone else blog, or some ones opinion. You seek that between you and Christ. Woman be free. If you struggle with this "ideal" take if before Him he can free you from yourself. He always does! :)

2 comments:

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

AMEN!

Since I worked at the camp- supposed to be part time, but during certain seasons it was waayyy more.

One of the reasons we moved- I needed to have the whole day to devote to my children, play, cleaning, cooking, resting. Oh and I soooo struggled, still struggle with how I use my time, how I could do and be better, not yelling at my kids....and oh so much more.

YES- GOD's WORD is our TRUE source! Thank you for this reminder!!

Carla said...

Thank you for this post. This struggle can consume me at times and like you mentioned, you become your worst enemy.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!