Plans Change

Remember when I told you I want to be where God wants me to be and I will be okay where ever he plants me. I lied. Because on Thursday chief and I had to make a HARD decision based on our circumstances. I am not one to make a decision based on circumstances I loath the cliche "when God closes a door, that was not his Will!" Simply because if that is the case, the minute any biblical hero came to a closed door, or a difficult circumstance it would have been easy to say "I suppose that's not the Lord" and walk the other way. Time and time again in scripture we are encouraged that the Lord is with us through those hard trails. That when we doubt ourselves or others point to us and say "what the heck, are you doing!?" He is there to Hold strong the course with us. If you know me, you know I never see a closed door as a NO from the Lord, but rather a challenge to stretch my faith strong.

This one has me dragging my feet. I said my good byes I was ready to reunite with my old friends and my old house. I was there, emotionally. So, when we were hit with the news of the IRS changing their mind for the fifth time we had to change course to "maybe" we can't move. I was okay with that one because I KNEW if God wanted me there, He would totally get my back on this one. We had to make a decision all of a sudden that really made me want to throw a tantrum. All the reasons of why we were moving became stronger in my mind, and one of them was the stinking humidity so I didn't even want to walk outside. That was just me. Then I had to share the news with the big boys.

Our big boys are Northwesterns BIG time. Big A asked me the other day "when is it going to rain, I am so tired of the sun!" J-man "I want to skip fall and go right into winter!"

I didn't want to make this decision.

We both called in the big greys ...okay if our parents read this there would be a smack down ;) BUT both our parents have lived journeys before us, and have wise words. Sometimes we take them, some times we don't and sometimes they were wrong ;)...most time they are right. Both sets, shared with us some wisdom. Hard to hear, but one the same token, if felt awesome to have parents who can give sound advice! Then chief made the call. We need to stay put ...for now. There are so many uncertainties with moving back. Chief does not have a job, there are no certainties that he will get something secured. There are situations with our home in Oly, to much to even share here. There are no certainties with that. I could be in the PNW without my husband and struggling to make ends meet for a Looonng time before we are united. Right now, its not wise for our preteen boy to be without a dad, and not right for our new kids to have dad not be present. Many old feelings will arise for them.

My heart HURTS. I want to be home. To be honest I don't want this to be home.

I want things to go back like they were. I want Him to tell me, just another few months Nat, just hold strong. Nothing.

Chief says focus on the positives. So I need to write them out.

1. MY FAMILY

2. KIDS LOVE THE SCHOOL

3. GREAT EDUCATION and RESOURCES

4. AMAZING CHURCH!

5. SUPER COOL FRIENDS (I need to work harder on plugging in there!)

6. DOUBLE COUPONS (I know the dumbest thing to maybe you, but here they double coupons!)

7. SUNSHINE

Not sure when the "doors" will be opened to go back home. I pray one day.