Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Life on PAUSE

Can not even begin to explain the crazy in my world today. My life at the moment seems paused. We are still in the same home rental that the landlord has been graceful with us and merciful with our sporadic plans and events. 3/4 of our items still remain in boxes. We are eating on paper plates and every day I unseal one more box. Mostly because we have no idea where we will go and what will happen. Contract is up late October so we must find a place or come to that grueling decisions of state changes once again. Meanwhile Kids are at school and the big boys just started Karate classes every day, courtesy of the grandparents. Those suckers are expensive!
We have the opportunity for our kids to attend an AMAZING school. I can not even stress how amazing the school is. The teachers and staff LOVE our kids. Gs last year teacher wanted to hang with us during summer. What teacher does that?! They know our kids they have the ability to provide many resources for them, more than the last school they were at. There are opportunities we have never had. Its seriously awesome. My folks are involved in the kids every day life. Really they take the kids to karate for me, some days my folks just come and bring us dinner. They treat us out, and treat the kids out always. Our church has some pretty cool people. They love Jesus and our pastor Brent's message is one you will not sleep to friends, he has passion for Christ and his face turns red and he sweets when he is lovingly sharing the message. AND our church meets in the gym of our kids school. I just things its awesome to be worshiping King Jesus in the same building my kids are being educated in.
Why the freak do you want to leave Natalie? I get this one a ton. Let me say that when we were brought here there were some promises or assumptions made to my husband about a certain company he represents. There were also untruths told to him regarding salary etc. We found this out a month into our stay. We found out many things. We are deflated. We feel stuck, we begin to feel hopeless. We signed a lease with the prospects of those hopes. It was looking not good, its still looking not good.
BUT we began to see the Lord move into other things. Our son who has some serious learning issues begins to read, the therapy we start him on begins to see vast improvement. Our children s education take a leap with the help of a different curriculum and resources. We see the benefits of being near my folks.
YET, the plans we had which were to suffer for just a bit to reap the benefits of career changes seemed futile. We began to accept it doesn't seem like it will change. Hopelessness sank in again. Dear Lord, I have never been on my knees this much in my life. For our situation for our Lord to come conqueror and bring Justice. Set what is wrong, right. Nothing seemed fair, everything was against us..did I say WAS because nothing in our situation has really changed. Oh and remember the IRS issues, they finally came up with a refund to us...ready for it. $147 dollars, as in the 147 orphans now they mock me!!!
BUT God in His infinite wisdom, draws us to his feet, with utter despair to seek His face.
If I could wave my magic wand, I would have my hubby right back into the position he was before. Right back into our old 70s house and into the neighborhood my kids ran bare-feet in. BUT we do not regret our move. I know crazy.. right. We have learned so much through this journey. We have relied on not our own strengths, we have no power and nothing to rely on but HIM, and the end of the rope magically gives way to more threading. We have more compassion for people. Its so easy to sit on Easy street and judge others downfalls from one perspective a different situation when you are in it elbows deep. We have learned how much we love our parents. Both sets, even if we have had our bumps in the road, they LOVE US, and want the best for ALL of us. That is priceless. Our children KNOW their grandparents. Not just a couple weeks a year or so, They KNOW them.

I guess what I miss is my old life. My own house. My old town, My buddies, the crisp air.Extra cash to do extra things with. The Starbucks spluge when I wanted, the new top I can buy. The fun Teabo Tuesdays I once planned. The stocked pantry (some days this was not so) but for the most part. It was a TON easier than this. We did make sacrifices to add more kids to the broad, but income to kids if we stuck to a budget and got rid of dept we could do it. Now a days, a different story.
So here is the prayer request:!
1. I need a job. next week all the kids will be in school until 2:30 first time in 11 years I will be alone...may I add that for 10 months I have been applying. The end.
2. Chief, to have another position so that instead of having to work I can have a little dream come true and go to school!
3. The Lord would provide a home for us to be in our school district and at our budget.
4. If he wanted us to move back home chief needs his position back.
5. Both our hearts in the situation its been truly exhausting to say the least!
If you find yourself in a challegning situation like us, If you find it utterly impossible to even begin to hope because its seems like there is no use. I promise He is WITH YOU. He has NOT LEFT you. If you are in the situation of not knowing where your next meal will come from, how you will get your child a new pair of gym shoes when yours even has holes, how the heck you will pay those stack of medical bills on the computer table next to you. You are not alone. I PROMISE there are others going through the same situation or worse. How do I know this. I am there, I am still breathing, you will make it. Do not give up the little glimpse of hope in Christ you have. HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. If you need a friend to vent to when your life seems on PAUSE shoot me an email. I can offer you prayer and the best I can is encourage you and maybe give you some ideas in your situation.


Kelly M said...

Oh Natalie! We are praying with you!

Jodi said...

Very cool post to read the encouragement. ALSO - pause is sometimes good in our lives. It will all come together for you and you can look back at this time with smiles (I hope!)

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!