Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm a mother I'm a daughter

Pictured with my sister and dad holding both of us. We loved him to carry us the same time because it showed how strong he is. And are you checking out the vintage overalls and cool shoes, thank you very much.
This is me pictured when I was 7, I waited every day for my grandmother on the outside of my house gate so that she would take me to church with her when she had to pass my house. I even tagged along with a can of Campbell's soup *Cream of Mushroom* so she didn't have to feel like she needed to feed me.

The time I have waited for all my adult life has come. My parents live 5 minutes from me as of this past Friday. I moved away from my parents, completely away, to the other side of the United States we are talking the Northern most Western part. Washington State. There I grew my family and became an adult. I kinda grew up there in a way. Each time I would visit my family, my heart grew fonder and fonder to be with them, it was not time yet and I didn't know if I ever would have the chance to be with them. My fathers heart was getting worse and the deep hurt of my children not knowing their other grandfather was breaking me.

Fast forward, here they are and here am I. I don't really know how to do this. I know its strange its dumb to even contimplate what the ''IT'' is. Until I was at my parents house and my kids were hungry and I realized I did not want to open the fridge and ask them for food. So, I phoned chief who was enjoying the quiet of a Sunday afternoon and asked him to bring two boxes of Mac N Cheese over. "Aren't you at your parents house?'' chief said "Yes...I whispered but I don't want to use up their food!'' I know what you are thinking what on earth is the big deal?
My kids all of them have not vacationed at my parents home since my 7 year old was 2, and we only had two kids at the time. I think I even bought food for that vacation. So I have never had my kids just hang all of us together at my parents just hanging. The last time I hung out at my parents home was in high school when I had friends over and as a teenager you have no concept for food cost or pretty much no concept of cost, period. Fast forward to 14 years later and well, I have no clue what to do!
Then my parents asked me to leave two kids for the night so I can have a quieter home in the morning. FREEZE. Didn't know what to say with that one also. I know totally silly. This is what I wanted for the longest time.
I then realized I don't know how to be both a mom and a daughter an adult daughter, its never had to happen. I am so sure that my parents would have thought I was taking crazy pills if they knew I told Frank to bring the mac n cheese for fear that I didn't want to eat their food instead of just wanting my kids to eat our mac N cheese because it has no preservatives ;-)
I am sure my dad would knock me across the head( not figurativly the man has never knocked me ever!) to know I thought twice about letting the big boys have a sleep over.
I struggle with the not wanting to take advantage of them (parents) and knowing when to give up control, and what to just let be because they are family and want more than anything to grow in relationship with them. Chief says what he says about EVERYTHING in my thought process ''You analyze everything wayyy to much!'' Just enjoy it. SO ENJOY IT I WILL!

PS. My dad still calls me baby, and calls me in the day to check on me, even if I live 5 minutes away.
PSS. My kids can't get enough of him, and I don't think he can get enough of them! Another sleep over at grandpas this weekend. Because I drew the line at school night (big fat frown from grandpa!)

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!