Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This is me pictured when I was 7, I waited every day for my grandmother on the outside of my house gate so that she would take me to church with her when she had to pass my house. I even tagged along with a can of Campbell's soup *Cream of Mushroom* so she didn't have to feel like she needed to feed me.
The time I have waited for all my adult life has come. My parents live 5 minutes from me as of this past Friday. I moved away from my parents, completely away, to the other side of the United States we are talking the Northern most Western part. Washington State. There I grew my family and became an adult. I kinda grew up there in a way. Each time I would visit my family, my heart grew fonder and fonder to be with them, it was not time yet and I didn't know if I ever would have the chance to be with them. My fathers heart was getting worse and the deep hurt of my children not knowing their other grandfather was breaking me.
Fast forward, here they are and here am I. I don't really know how to do this. I know its strange its dumb to even contimplate what the ''IT'' is. Until I was at my parents house and my kids were hungry and I realized I did not want to open the fridge and ask them for food. So, I phoned chief who was enjoying the quiet of a Sunday afternoon and asked him to bring two boxes of Mac N Cheese over. "Aren't you at your parents house?'' chief said "Yes...I whispered but I don't want to use up their food!'' I know what you are thinking what on earth is the big deal?
My kids all of them have not vacationed at my parents home since my 7 year old was 2, and we only had two kids at the time. I think I even bought food for that vacation. So I have never had my kids just hang all of us together at my parents just hanging. The last time I hung out at my parents home was in high school when I had friends over and as a teenager you have no concept for food cost or pretty much no concept of cost, period. Fast forward to 14 years later and well, I have no clue what to do!
Then my parents asked me to leave two kids for the night so I can have a quieter home in the morning. FREEZE. Didn't know what to say with that one also. I know totally silly. This is what I wanted for the longest time.
I then realized I don't know how to be both a mom and a daughter an adult daughter, its never had to happen. I am so sure that my parents would have thought I was taking crazy pills if they knew I told Frank to bring the mac n cheese for fear that I didn't want to eat their food instead of just wanting my kids to eat our mac N cheese because it has no preservatives ;-)
I am sure my dad would knock me across the head( not figurativly the man has never knocked me ever!) to know I thought twice about letting the big boys have a sleep over.
I struggle with the not wanting to take advantage of them (parents) and knowing when to give up control, and what to just let be because they are family and want more than anything to grow in relationship with them. Chief says what he says about EVERYTHING in my thought process ''You analyze everything wayyy to much!'' Just enjoy it. SO ENJOY IT I WILL!
PS. My dad still calls me baby, and calls me in the day to check on me, even if I live 5 minutes away.
PSS. My kids can't get enough of him, and I don't think he can get enough of them! Another sleep over at grandpas this weekend. Because I drew the line at school night (big fat frown from grandpa!)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Defending the cause of the fatherless seems like an easier task when you are speaking up to middle class Christian Americans about the reasons why we need to step in internationally and in our back yards to help and defend the fatherless. An extremely difficult task when you are explaining the reason to one that was called ''fatherless'' that was not necessarily fatherless.
Not going into further detail about our children history, but our kids did not come into the home for having parents die.
Yesterday during a ''discussion'' with my girl, she mentioned she was not angry with me. She is angry with God. I got this one I naively thought, ''With God, Honey...why?''
"God Told you to go to Ghana, I would still be there if You didn't listen or if He didn't say it, OR Why Did you even choose me, you could picked anyone else!''
Again, this journey shows me more and more of what ''wisdom'' I seem to think I posses in situations like this that just makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry, I have no words. I know reading about this, many of you may know what you would say. But I tell you looking at the eyes of a girl that has had life torn from her to tell her that God is all loving and all Powerful just seems like a giant Oxymoron. I know, I get it, He is all Loving all Powerful, all Amazing to heal any wound trivial or ginormous. He Is Able, He is Willing, and He is..period.
Just try explaining it to a child that had to see her mom walk away out of the gates and wonder if she will see her again. You ...CAN...NOT.
Even though you think I would have a great amount of compassion, my heart and attitude has to deal with not taking it personally. They are so lucky to have to come to America to have an education, to have a second chance of life....we have been told, we even feel that in the back of our minds at times and have to battle reason and logic with her reality of it. Try explaining that to a child who would have rather stick it out with whatever situation her life presented with she would take that to still be in her first home. She doesn't feel LUCKY!
So what do you say to a child that ask you ''why did you listen to God, Why did He even say this or would say this to someone?"
Because our discussions are usually the result of some significant behaviors. There is usually a wall and a hard exterior body language sometimes with both of us...Most times with both of us. I have to walk away for a while, to gain some quiet mediation, and patience and cool myself and maybe call a friend (JH :)
Some of you have adopted smaller children and do not even come close to this sort of ''chats''. I want you to warn you you may be questioned this very same question for you child.
After hours....really hours... This was my response...Don't judge me I am really new to this and probably screw up majorly with my response!
" I know you are angry with God, I am so glad you said that out loud to me because God already knows that, He loves you even when you are angry with Him. His love is something that many of us can not understand. Love is hard many times, and many times God allows things to happen that can hurt us that can even take our lives away or the people we love. That doesn't look like love to us, I know. BUT, only He knows why, We can not see it with our eyes. One day He may show you. The other thing is we live in an evil world. Some evil has happened to you, God knows that, you can always go to him and tell him how angry you are with Him. He will turn this around if we let Him, he can and I know he will. You don't have to be ready now, you don't have to listen to me about this. BUT, we love you the hurts you have do not make us love you any less. Never, never never. Yes God did tell us to go to Ghana, Yes we feel like God did say you are the girl for our family, I know that makes no sense to you right now. We could have said No to God about adoption, someone else would have adopted you and you would have been in the same shoes with another family, Or you could have not been adopted and stayed in Ghana and had another different life. (she was all over that one!)
...I just had to end it emotionally that was opening up another door I could not walk into at that moment.
Thats as far as it went. We can fill our vocabulary and conversations with so many beautiful words ''Chosen, Wanted, Loved...." Our kids from hard places may not even grasp those words or even want to right now. I have to back up and just say its okay. I can not explain the logic that she is better off for her life here, health, safety, education, and because I know her history I know this home is the best for her. That doesn't matter right now, one day it may. Our job is to help her find healing, educate ourselves on how to walk every day with pain in a child's heart, and every day bend our knees that the Lord would allow Love to penetrate deeper than the hurts inside. Adoption does not end when a child walks through your front door...the Journey has just begun.
For mamas and papas finding this journey to be weary for you soul, I get you. There is HOPE. I know it, speak it over your children, while the sleep maybe :).
For the readers that feel sorry for us, Don't please don't these are small glimpse that take place not on a daily basis (the behavior can.) But the hard discussions do not. I am so glad they are coming out when they do. Its a good sign that she is placing trust in me to hear her heart. We get to be apart of a magnificent story and the Love of Christ can shine through us (many times I doesn't because um..yeah just trust me on that one!) Its hard, complicated and beautiful all at the same time.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Project Hopeful in Canada going wildfire with Project hopeful! I just lover Carolyn's heart check out her interview.
Part two of the interview.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
This is my friends daughter Sydney, she and her family have a non-profit helping sponser children to supply food for them. The orphange in this video is also where G and E lived. Precious girl!
PS: TO WATCH AND LISTEN YOU NEED TO SCROLL DOWN AND TURN MUSIC OFF :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
If you are interested in what she hast to say and want to help please visit Project Hopeful.
My friend Erica on Adoption Ethics
Another mama waitng for her kids at Underhill Family
Thursday, March 3, 2011
This Ghanaian Woman Auntie "C" worked as a special mother in Eban house. She took care of many children and were assigned to G and E along with many other children. She has inner beauty that radiates like the noon day sun. Her wisdom is unmatched to most women I know. She carries Gods words on her heart and mediates in it night and day. We have been speaking about her lately and I don't know if I every shared her with you. If you have meet her you know, this is one women that is unforgettable.
Auntie "C"s name come up like Santa in our house. Auntie "C" would not want to hear about this would she? How would Auntie "C" feel about what you just said to your mom? I don't even think she knows she has that much power in our home all the way from Ghana. If you get to read this by chance Auntie C the kids miss and love you so much!