Wednesday, January 12, 2011

O my heart



Last week during my dads surgery, I was gone from my family for 6 days. This was the first time I was leaving the kids with chief for that long, ALL OF THEM. I was a nervous wreck, and just seriously questioning if I should leave. ONLY because G and dad have had issues with bonding.
The other day we had three kids while the other two were in Florida visiting grandma and grandpa. We had three kids, that meant we could go to eat and have the two littles split the food dish...saweet! Anyways, we were ready to leave and chief stood up behind G and put his arm around her back as to rush her forward. She JUMPED away so far she knocked the waiter behind her and ended up in the table beside us, Chief felt horrible, I could see it in his face, the embarrassment. We have had these brief and cold responses to dad since she came home. It makes me think that she has had some major male issues, it hurts my heart for her and for him. Because he is hurt and has no idea how else to bond on the physical level and I know that she feels bad that she just can't right now, or doesn't even know how or why she would trust him.
I had to leave to Florida regardless and just prayed that God would calm each of them until my return and that actions would not draw them further away.
I would call chief a few times a day and he was great, I knew he would be. BUT, G would climb into bed with the other kids only if I was in bed for morning cuddles. She had been doing it every morning and every night before bed just to get her snuggles from dad. Progress right?!

Time for me to come home on Saturday and I knew the home I would be coming back to tension, this had become our reality. We were living with a child that has issues with bonding and other things. I walked into my house and you know that feeling you get when you go away for a retreat and come back feeling refreshed; only this was not a retreat and I stressed the WHOLE time! Anyways, I just thought it was the ''mom is back, lets show her our niceness moment!"
ONLY WE ARE ON DAY 5 and the bonding between G and dad has been astronomical. It has done HUGE things to my heart allowing me to bond in a great magnitude that I didn't think was even possible, or at least I had lost hope for. His bonding with her and her with him has knocked walls down between G and I and even Chief and I.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I have thought about this countless times a day. This is my theory.
The basics need of a human being is food, drink, touch. I am always home, I have been meeting those needs by nurture and G has know that I would meet this need she has little question or at least I should say she is progressing to have close to little doubt about this.
Chief has meet those simple needs on occasion when I am not home, its been inconsistent. The basic human needs if you think back to your babies they cry you comfort they are hungry you feed them. They know you will meet that need when they open their mouth to cry.
We didn't have that chance with G and E to show them that when they open their mouths to cry we are right there, another mom has meet that need. So here we are two kids that need to have that sense again and I was meeting those basic needs. Chief was inconsistent (NOT HIS FAULT) and so when he went meet the physical need of patting her on the back or having close encounter it was meet with hostility. That and very possibly other male issues.
SO, I believe by the main source being gone (me) chief was able to consistently meet ALL those needs and little by little G opened her heart and when she did it became a flood an AMAZING FLOOD!
PS: MY MEDS HAVE KICKED IN< SO it has helped me be more kind, patient, loving and sweet and overall not over emotional!
HYPOTHESIS: I NEED TO BE GONE MORE :)

5 comments:

The Redman's said...

oh my! this post melts my heart!!! I'm sooo happy for all of you! :)

Ellen Enright said...

Oh Natalie, this makes me so happy. Tears of joy!! Thank you for sharing and I will pray that the bonding continues.

Cindy said...

That is amazing Natalie! I am happy for G and for all of you!

Allie said...

This is wonderful! Thank you for sharing how God is working in your family!! And your hypothesis made me laugh. :)

Timandem said...

Just like what Ellen said! Tears of joy for all of you! Awesome story Natalie, awesome life Teabos! Loving without measure; you go!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!