Sunday, January 30, 2011

Green Grass




Greener Grass? Not always.


So, we both knew that moving to GA would be very difficult for our entire family as a whole. We knew that adjusting for our new kids would have to take place once again. It would be a hardship to endure but we also knew it was time. Not knowing the details in the whole plan has made us have to rely on God for each next step but also on each other with so many uncharted waters ahead in this journey. Its knitting us together.


Its been hard, but we are now seeing the the reasons come unfold before us. Me and the kids miss home dearly. Chief strangely and I say strangle because he has never called anywhere else home does not miss it at all.


This season will be amazing and hard all at once. Its will bring something that we have been craving.. HEALING. From the battles that we have fought in, but THIS is a season of HEALING.


For each one of us alike. Healing from relationships, healing from past hurts and trauma, healing from things we never even knew was inside, as we become a family united.


The grass in Georgia is dormant all winter so if you can imagine being from the Evergreen state to being ALL winter with brown grass and brown practically everywhere, you know its a tough one. Not as tough as seeing sunshine every day to not seeing it at all for daaaaayyyyysssss.


BUT, the grass will wake and become green again. Spring will come, the trees will spring forth new growth, and it will be full and lush once again.


In this same way is this season of our lives. We needed some resting time a good time for healing some growth in the brown grass of our souls. Refreshing and rejuvination. This is OUR time.


Updates:*My post on depression opened up so many doors of communication for women in the same struggle, it has blown me away how many of us are at this same place. I do need to update and share that the medication I have been on has been a drastic change in my mood and I am seeing a therapist*GASP*! Let me tell you, you do not need to see a therapist when things are going bad only. See a therapist as a life couch. We are seeing ours once a week and he has been a HUGE part of our journey to wholeness and healing to hope and redemption.







Wednesday, January 12, 2011

O my heart



Last week during my dads surgery, I was gone from my family for 6 days. This was the first time I was leaving the kids with chief for that long, ALL OF THEM. I was a nervous wreck, and just seriously questioning if I should leave. ONLY because G and dad have had issues with bonding.
The other day we had three kids while the other two were in Florida visiting grandma and grandpa. We had three kids, that meant we could go to eat and have the two littles split the food dish...saweet! Anyways, we were ready to leave and chief stood up behind G and put his arm around her back as to rush her forward. She JUMPED away so far she knocked the waiter behind her and ended up in the table beside us, Chief felt horrible, I could see it in his face, the embarrassment. We have had these brief and cold responses to dad since she came home. It makes me think that she has had some major male issues, it hurts my heart for her and for him. Because he is hurt and has no idea how else to bond on the physical level and I know that she feels bad that she just can't right now, or doesn't even know how or why she would trust him.
I had to leave to Florida regardless and just prayed that God would calm each of them until my return and that actions would not draw them further away.
I would call chief a few times a day and he was great, I knew he would be. BUT, G would climb into bed with the other kids only if I was in bed for morning cuddles. She had been doing it every morning and every night before bed just to get her snuggles from dad. Progress right?!

Time for me to come home on Saturday and I knew the home I would be coming back to tension, this had become our reality. We were living with a child that has issues with bonding and other things. I walked into my house and you know that feeling you get when you go away for a retreat and come back feeling refreshed; only this was not a retreat and I stressed the WHOLE time! Anyways, I just thought it was the ''mom is back, lets show her our niceness moment!"
ONLY WE ARE ON DAY 5 and the bonding between G and dad has been astronomical. It has done HUGE things to my heart allowing me to bond in a great magnitude that I didn't think was even possible, or at least I had lost hope for. His bonding with her and her with him has knocked walls down between G and I and even Chief and I.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I have thought about this countless times a day. This is my theory.
The basics need of a human being is food, drink, touch. I am always home, I have been meeting those needs by nurture and G has know that I would meet this need she has little question or at least I should say she is progressing to have close to little doubt about this.
Chief has meet those simple needs on occasion when I am not home, its been inconsistent. The basic human needs if you think back to your babies they cry you comfort they are hungry you feed them. They know you will meet that need when they open their mouth to cry.
We didn't have that chance with G and E to show them that when they open their mouths to cry we are right there, another mom has meet that need. So here we are two kids that need to have that sense again and I was meeting those basic needs. Chief was inconsistent (NOT HIS FAULT) and so when he went meet the physical need of patting her on the back or having close encounter it was meet with hostility. That and very possibly other male issues.
SO, I believe by the main source being gone (me) chief was able to consistently meet ALL those needs and little by little G opened her heart and when she did it became a flood an AMAZING FLOOD!
PS: MY MEDS HAVE KICKED IN< SO it has helped me be more kind, patient, loving and sweet and overall not over emotional!
HYPOTHESIS: I NEED TO BE GONE MORE :)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow days










3 inches of snow in the South * AWESOMENESS*

*Dad*


If you really know me well, you know I am a daddy's girl. My dad has three girls and we all have him wrapped around our little fingers. My dad is one of the greatest people I have ever had the chance to know in my entire life. He is amazing and pretty much rocks. I had the dad all the kids wanted and I still have the dad all my friends would dream of.
He had a massive heart attack last Sunday and another hours later, and I got the call on Sunday afternoon I was devastated. He survived and it was very fortunate that he had his heart attack because we found out that he had three blockages in his heart. I live 9 hours away (in the late spring, they are moving here, I HOPE) my aunt and I jumped in her car and drove I made it in 7 not telling you what my speedometer read ;).
My mind and heart could not escape the reality that we had just been hit with, as well as the fate on my fathers life. We arrived at the hospital that evening, I meet my mother in the lobby her eyes had already been sunken in, I knew she was beside herself. I walked into his room, saw his sweet dimpled smile buried my face in his chest and began to weep like a small child.
"daddy, please daddy, please please promise me you will fight!'' I turned to a crowd staring at me, with nods of understanding I turned to see my dad was wiping big tears from his brown face.
The surgeon came in to talk about his bypass scheduled for a few days later. I prayed so hard every hour, every minute, that my dads life would be spared.
Surgery day came and my dads kept saying to me ''baby, you think I should do this, can they do anything else, did you ask them?'' Tables were turned as his girls began to comfort him.
He made it through no complications, yet we are not in the clear. I beg you to pray for him when you think of it.
Words alone, can not even explain the magnitude of my love for my dad.
ps: kids stayed home with Frank for 5 days(my man Rocks, I mean really I am blessed!) and when I came back there was major bonding between two people in my family and I can't wait to share what God has been up to here in my tribe! GOOD STUFF!
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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!