Saturday, December 4, 2010

Truth and Lies

In the last 6 months are family has gone through some MAJOR life changes. MAJOR. Its been challenging and messy and hard, and some sunny breaks in between the hard and challenging.

We brought our children home in June and our house filled with tension as amazing as adoption can be it can also be extremely difficult and emotionally draining. I don't say that to stop anyone from adopting in anyway, Its been a rough road, but SO Worth the blessings! Having our little Roo and then big ones was a huge adjustment. Things were not sweet and lovely like it was with little roo that came home at 3 months, however I feel that her personality even if she came here at 3 years she is just a ray of sunshine ALWAYS!

You are required to read plenty of literature about adoption, I have a wonderful adoption community we share really intimate feelings and I gleaned from them with their older children adoption. I was not aware of the feelings I would deal with in my own icky heart, in my relationships with those closest to me and in my personal spiritual walk. Just in the same way when you have biological children you can read all about every aspect of labor in the 'What to expect while you are expecting" or 'What to expect the first year" and still you will go through emotions that you have never experienced because its a life lesson you have not gone through as yet.
It can be an extremely lonely experience unless you have full support of church and family and friends, and even then, it can linger of solitude. For these reasons..

1. You can not trust the audience who have already thought you should have never adopted in the first place. They may not say it (some do) but its a constant aroma of disapproval and disappointment. Why would you even risk opening your heart to this? You wouldn't and so you don't.
2. Well meaning and loving friends that mean well and love you but have not been there and so can not help with the emotions on this level.
3. You are too emotionally exhausted that even speaking with your spouse about it can turn into a bucket of hurt feelings and confusing emotions.

4. You HAVE to keep it up every day for your kids also your new kids they have gone though something much major than you, MUCH MUCH major.

The chief and I have had to hold up our emotions and then the consistent and one the stable one in my home became unstable with all the changes and relational disappointments. There was a big giant lurking in our home a very dark presence that was weighing us down every day. We were weak from the battle and were even feeling the temptation to lower our shields and we did, targets flew by and hurt us and we were for a bit laying on the ground and taking it. It had taken over our lives we were being disobedient to God in just the mere fact that we were believing lies planted by others used by the enemy to make us even question what we already knew God had orchestrated from the start. It was a hard hard process. Even knowing the truth still the darkness over took me fast.
Then it hit me one day, the hope that I had shun in the darkness of the lies I had believed. Its not about being victories its really about being obedient or disobedient. You can believe the lies that say ''why did you do this, why would you ever think God would bless this?'' " Its really all your doing your husband really didn't want it ( even though this is was totally made up lie, it made me question his heart) ''They would still be friendly to you if you didn't adopt. This lie was the worst, our choosing to adopt should NEVER Stop someone from having a relationship with us or being distant, that's not a GOD thing, AT ALL! And if it did, that's really other peoples conviction not our fault, not ours to own. Many more lies you can choose to believe and sulk low and heavy and allow the enemy to smile at his planted effort is destroying your joy, your peace, your family and even your faith.

OR....YOU CAN RISE ABOVE, Raise your head to the hills, because that's where your help comes from. You can CHOOSE to believe the TRUTH.

This is the Truth friends (not only for me, but for you adopted in his family as well)

YOU ARE ADOPTED into his family, because, He has adopted you (Romans 8:15), because you are HIS because He choose you, He will give you the strenght to follow TRUE RELIGION James 1:27

People will not accept Him (or the things that are of Him) , at times that even means Christians sadly (yes I am gutsy to say that some Christians do not even KNOW HIM, I was one of them Matthew 7:23). ''The World can not accept Him because it does not know Him'' John 14:1

There are promises that He has given us. These Promises need to sustain us. My Comfort in my suffering is this YOUR PROMISE PRESERVES MY LIFE!" Psalm 119:50

This live really is NOT YOUR OWN. You may have dreams and hopes and most times they are not His, even the bestest most noble ones, such as moving your entire family to Africa (my dream that is not Gods ...right now..tehehe) Give it up sista! Jeremiah 10:23

Trails come so your faith can grow (trust me this does not make it easier) 1 Peter 1:7 talks about us having a faith with more value than gold. We are being proved genuine so the end result in that GLORY, PRAISE and HONOR is brought to CHRIST.

Please I ask you to comment with other truths God has shared I know there are PLENTY, these are just the ones that ring true to my heart right now.

This adoption continues to show me how much I need Christ every single day, how much my ugly heart I thought was so lovely is really NOT! It has tested our marriage, along with other changes, it has been a rough 6 months. Not going to lie. We have found uglies in people we love, we have found uglies in our own closet. We have disappointed our children with our lack of emotional stability. We have disappointed each other in the process of really seeing what we are made of.

BUT!! We will rise once again!! My youth group pastor, Stephan Youngblood, wrote this song that a bunch of us sang after hurricane Hugo destroyed our houses and our island back when I lived in the Virgin Islands. It rings deep inside of me till this day
"We will rise once again from the pain we are in,
hand in hand with faith we will stand.
And with God as our guide
Side by Side
Together we will stand!''


Heather said...

I'm so sorry you've struggled the last six months and the lack of support you've gotten.. . Oh that just makes my heart hurt. It WILL get better. Your children will adjust, you and hubby will adjust and before you know it, you'll find your new normal. It may not be the normal you imagined, but it will be a beautiful normal all the same. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

Tammy said...

You followed your heart and listened to have to let those outside influences go. You and F are the most amazing, selfless parents I know. Always putting your kids first. Your love pours out of you Nat!

I love you girl! ...and where the heck is Tammy's Two Cents under your favorite blogs? LOL! I need to put you on my blogroll so I don't miss your posts!

Melissa said...

My heart just aches with you , but also rejoices, knowing that our King is on His throne. Thank you for such an honest post. I just know that God is using this to reach others who have felt alone. Praying for you and your precious family.

Teabo Chica said...

Heather, Tammy, Melissa thanks for the encouragement!
Tammy, your right the outside influences really were loud in my mind and heart, and now they are just a dog all bark no bite. Its up to me to allow that right!
Thanks for your comments.

"M" and "C" said...

Thanks for being so transparent again. Often what you write reflects my own heart and life. God bless you!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!