Sunday, October 24, 2010

What is it like.. a daughter from another mother?

My biggest fear about adopting an older child was that she would not be able to see me as her mom or bond with me. Never, not once, did I even question my ability to bond with her. I am the adult after all and I know where she comes from.
I know a small part of her story. It would be a piece of cake for me to have compassion and understating. This summer my preconceived thoughts proved me very wrong. I felt ashamed for my lack of bonding not at all on her side, she was ready arms open wide for a mama. For sure there were many situations that allowed me to fell ill equipped, but I began to take her attitude and adjustment personal. She would begin to push and I allowed her to push until I had a dis-connect. I had a hang up, I would find myself unable to comfort her when she needed it, because I was still upset about the last episode of battles. I felt ashamed, I know this is what I was suppose to do, but wasn't this suppose to be a little easier on my end and my emotions, I am the stable one here right?~! Dr. Karen Purvis lecture at the Together for adoption conference a few weekends ago made me realize I had hang ups from my past. I needed to look at the past, heal so I can parent much better. I get so many compliments of my ''goodness'' for adopting an older child so many ''that's great that you can, I don't think I can'' the ''wow your a saint''., people mean well when they say these things. In Reality I am no saint. I am a selfish individual, I get very grouchy at the loss of me time, I get very upset when my kids disrespect, I loose my temper, I get critical, I am dismissive often, I get frustrated and show no mercy or grace when it could be so easy to do so. BUT....
Gods Grace is so sufficient for me. I am growing, I am learning that older children adoption does not mean you get all this baggage, It means that God shows you all the baggage YOU HAVE, helps you to heal from them to help your fragile child become whole again, and through it guess what you become whole again too.
What is it like... a daughter from another mother? LIFE CHANGING.



7 comments:

Erica said...

Great post my friend!!!

Jennifer said...

such a precious post. Thank you for posting. I continue to be encouraged in this "adopting older kids thing" and people like you keep speaking to my fear and putting it in its proper place. LOVE it.

Cindy said...

Very nice Natalie. Thanks for the post!

Cindy said...

and thank you for your willingness to talk us through part of our Ghanaian adoption. We appreciate it!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Loved your post!!! RAD has shown me a lot of my faults that I am still dealing with......

You know people always say how lucky our children are, but we are far more blessed!!!!

Murphy Momma said...

Very well said. My best friend always tells people that as soon as your child comes home, you find out just how selfish you actually are.

Love you & praying for a smooth move.
Sharon

The Tulloss Family said...

Love how our God works. We think He is using us and in reality He is healing us. Totally showing how He uses all things for the good of those who love Him.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!