Sunday, August 8, 2010

We are Adjusting ...thats my answer.

Its almost been a month since I have posted. Guess computer crashed. YEP! Its dead. We have taken it in to the Nerd squad just a few times and can save the motherboard blah blah blah. I just know its been a LONG time since I have been able to upload and post. Leaving me with mucho time to take in what exactly just took place in my life in the last two months.
People usually ask me.."How is it going'' where I always say ''WE ARE ADJUSTING!

HOLY SMOKITO- we have been through a huge change in our family structure. Its been awesome and not awesome all at once. Let me explain.
Its so amzing to go on a mission trip and love on some orphans, sometimes for some people you get disturbed enough to do something. BUT, you are distrubed in your safe life. It can drive a passion in you to do something about it. I have spent counltess hours watching the amazing videos of older children being welcomed by new families and embraced for the first time, there usually is a tear jerking music along with the videos. It all looks so loving, warm, selfless.

A HUGE DIFFERENT story when you are apart of the other side of the video when the music fades, when the reality kicks in that you have broken children looking at you, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened to their lives. I have had two months of bonding and pushing away and bonding and pushing away.
We have distant ourselves from the rest of the world to get settled into a family structure. Along with the reality of life changing has come my reality of I AM A MOM OF FIVE! There are blessings that come with this calling. I get five hugs and lovies in the morning ;) I have five Mothers days cards for my keepsake box, I get to tuck 5 kids in to sleep at night.
I know the people reading this with a dozen kids, I know there are tons of you out there, going 5 dude, quit your complaining! Thats nothing. But 3 to 5 is still an adjustment.
We are all learning where we fit in, and where we need to grow with Gods Grace!
That not so awesome parts of adoption is the heart break of my kids for leaing everything behind. Things they still want thier mama. I cant explain to you the sadness in my sons eyes when I lay in bed with him and he has this saddness when I ask him what does he need he says he misses Ghana. I hold him tightly and say he can cry and be sad I would not feel bad I want him to be able to share that with this mama.
We took the kids to an adoption clinic in Seattle where a serious of test have been done on them. The one thing I did glean from was the doctor sharing with us that our son came in to the orphange when he was almost two so he is stunted wtih the drama and may be a two year old sometimes and that we should allow this for his develplent. Same with our girl who was 6 when she came in. Most definitly I agree. When I am snuggling with little dude, he begins to speak like a baby and want me to hold him like one...I so soak it up. It has helped with bonding for sure.
Blessings to your friends! Until I am able to post again ;)

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Wow, Natalie. Thank you for your honesty. Hugs and prayers sent your way...

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!