Sunday, August 15, 2010

Having it ''Together''

I have done many thing this summer with the kids, I feel more and more confident being in public. WHY am I feeling so anxious about camping?! We have our annual family camping trip planned we have done it for two years this would be our third. Its a blast. Its with family, and it just feels so great to be together with our extended family, and to hang out with no schedule at all. I really enjoy it. For some reason, I feel a handful of anxiety going with the whole family this year. Scared that I will loose someone, scared that someone will go missing, scared that we will make too much noise, scared that I will feel too stressed out to really enjoy it.
We are going with family, so its a plus even though they have their own kids, we always watch out for each others kids. The more I examined my heart the more I realized that I am really scared people looking in will see I don't have it all together...yet!? I know so dumb right, totally insecure and really dumb to think. But its it! I don't have it all together ...there I said it. I am still figuring this thing out, we mess up, a lot. I forget things like all the time, I get short, I sometimes miss that one or two of my kids have skipped out on brushing more than a few times! I don't always know what to do for discipline, sometimes I wing it. I say things I should not to the kids, I say things I should not to my spouse. Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom when I don't even have to go, just so I can read a magazine. Sometimes I eat the scrapes off the kids plate for my own lunch, somtimes I skip breakfast. I have not worked out in a LONG TIME. I buy and hide dessert for myself. Somtimes I call all my kids my dogs name.... I know thats a bad one. Somtimes I pretend I don't hear an argument to not be invloved in it. Sometimes I but my kids to bed dirty, cause I am too tired for the bath time routine. Sometimes I drive no where just to drive in peace. Sometimes I borrow money from my kids for an iced coffee...I know horrid right?!
If you happen to see me this week, go ahead and pat me on the back and assure me that you maybe also don't always have it ''together'' always. It will affirm to me that I have the freedom to not be ''together!''


Erin McCoy said...

girl.. for real!!! haha.... and i've grown to sorta like my mixed up dinner of random kid-rejected food!

and I can only either remember to pack my breakfast or my lunch but never both!!!!!!

and.... 'wingin it' is my current life motto!!!

and i love you!!!!!!!!!

Jen said...

I have done every one of those things! Seriously every one! It has been nine months and we still don't have it together. Don't be hard on yourself.
Borrowing the coffee money is fine and I am sure it helped get your day going off to a much better start so your kids were happy to do it!

The Tulloss Family said...

That was an awesome post! If we all listed out our "I don't have it together" lists...they would look very similar. Mine looks just like yours and I don't even have 5 kids. I hope camping is fun and you're able to let down!
Love you!
p.s. I watch TV/facebook when I should be changing a poopy diaper.

Dawn - "Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE this post!!!!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!