Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I know I skipped a lot of days from my travel to today three weeks home. If you have been through an older child adoption I KNOW you totally excuse me from missing data ;). These first three weeks have been a blur, but we have learned so much in this very short weeks about our new children, and well about ourselves.
There is such a fine line of what I want to share via open world blog to support others going through the same journey. Also what I would like to hold back, for our own privacy as a family structure. I will be very careful to say that older child adoption is not at all like infant adoption. NOT AT ALL! There is an instant bond that occurs when you see a small helpless can't do wrong by anyone child. Not as instant when a child already has hurts and personality
conflicts, or just has lead a hard life and has a hard shell. Adoption is not easy, don't get me wrong. I am not saying its easy to adopt a baby. For us, it was smooth, our Ethiopian adoption from start to finish was 9 months..nope, 9 months. When I opened up Ruby's email of her face..oh my word! My older babies, I fell in love with the pictures but I was very careful with how much of my heart I was willing to let go of, because of all the ''what ifs''. It was more of a faith, something I KNEW God was asking of us. It was about a child having a family, more than us growing a family.
This adoption, I have seen more of God and his redemption, than I ever have in my life. I have been learning how to love even when the love does not come back as easy, or the love is harder. I have learned this is NOT about me. Its about Gods magnificent plan for ALL my children, and for people to see His Glory through us. I am reminded of a how God can make anything beautiful, even when it looks impossible, or to hard. I am learning to be patient, kind.
I know I said its not about me, but really I am learning that even though its not about me, he is becoming bigger inside of me, and I smaller. That's how its suppose to be right :)! I am learning to count on him, and I am learning that because he was willing to give it all up for me, then I should be willing to do the same for Him! Even when my freedom suffers, even when I am all touched out, even when there are tears and there is nothing to do for it but pray. Even when I really need a hair coloring and pedicure REAL bad :).

1 comment:

Murphy Momma said...

You're doing a great job Nat because God is loving them through you. And He will continue to do that while He grows that same love in your own heart for them.

And just so you know, the first 6 months are the hardest and it will get SO MUCH better! Stay on your knees.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!