Saturday, July 10, 2010

Baby Steps

This little girl has a great sense of adventure, loves to be at parties, enjoys singing and dancing, likes to help around the house, is funny, kind and affectionate.
There are times when she is someone else. Someone completely different. Not in a way that is not manageable, but in a way that has come to test my patience and inability to feel confident. Its a process that I have found to be not about me, but a little about me, if that makes any sense.

Our most connected moments have been the wake of the worst moments. She has shared with me some hard things, but it comes out after a big power struggle where there are tears and shouting involved, her not me. Although I contain my tears till I leave the room, my tears are about the life she has had to endure. Her Auntie Comfort has shared with me the best advice she said that there will be a time of love but it comes with a price and its usually after a storm. She is right. Its like we have to hash it out and make up for her to share a little more and a little more. We had to fight to get our kids here to the US, we have endured battles spiritual and in the flesh. God KNEW that for her she needed someone to fight for her. If my process was really easy and we didn't have any bumps, I don't think it would have been the same for her. She knows that we fought and having to build in her that she is worth it, is something we will have to confirm in her over and over again. Does that sound like someone you know, US, you and me, God has to confirm in us over and over that we are worth the blood shed for us. That He loves us that much! Not because of us because of HIM.
It will be a long road ahead, a journey and sometimes battles. Some days I will feel unequipped to conquer the mountain, some days the mountain will look like a hill and one day the hill will be a mound and even one day I will be able to see the other side. Until then, baby steps.

3 comments:

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Just catching up on your blog a bit. Some beautiful thoughts, pictures, and sharing about your sweet children.

Just know we are still praying for you and for your family as you transition and become the family God created :)

Yvonne said...

PLEASE make sure you post a blog with fotos of Grandma and Grandpa with my nephews and comments on things that are memorable. I would love to hear and see it. Love you Titi

Mason Mama said...

Natalie,

I love this! You often write just what I need to read. How often I feel unworthy and have to be reminded that yes Jesus fought for me! Not just fought but died, hard to fathom somedays. Thank you for fighting for these children, you inspire me so much.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!