Saturday, July 10, 2010

Baby Steps

This little girl has a great sense of adventure, loves to be at parties, enjoys singing and dancing, likes to help around the house, is funny, kind and affectionate.
There are times when she is someone else. Someone completely different. Not in a way that is not manageable, but in a way that has come to test my patience and inability to feel confident. Its a process that I have found to be not about me, but a little about me, if that makes any sense.

Our most connected moments have been the wake of the worst moments. She has shared with me some hard things, but it comes out after a big power struggle where there are tears and shouting involved, her not me. Although I contain my tears till I leave the room, my tears are about the life she has had to endure. Her Auntie Comfort has shared with me the best advice she said that there will be a time of love but it comes with a price and its usually after a storm. She is right. Its like we have to hash it out and make up for her to share a little more and a little more. We had to fight to get our kids here to the US, we have endured battles spiritual and in the flesh. God KNEW that for her she needed someone to fight for her. If my process was really easy and we didn't have any bumps, I don't think it would have been the same for her. She knows that we fought and having to build in her that she is worth it, is something we will have to confirm in her over and over again. Does that sound like someone you know, US, you and me, God has to confirm in us over and over that we are worth the blood shed for us. That He loves us that much! Not because of us because of HIM.
It will be a long road ahead, a journey and sometimes battles. Some days I will feel unequipped to conquer the mountain, some days the mountain will look like a hill and one day the hill will be a mound and even one day I will be able to see the other side. Until then, baby steps.

Hot dogs and Ice cream

What you see here is Ice cream on a hot dog bun. Our Ghana kids have had a hard time with our American food. With the taste with the way it looks, and how to eat it.
For instance, on the 4th of July, I see G with this ice cream on a hot dog bun. I just giggled and said ''What on earth, G this is a hot dog bun for HOT dogs (they call them sausages!) and the ice cream you put on a cone, honey dear!'' She just sheepishly smiled, and continued to eat her ice cream bun. Today at a BBQ I see that she was eating a Burger in a hot dog bun. You should see what she does to a taco! If I could cook the same thing every night for the duo it would be fried rice and fried chicken. A specialty in Ghana, that I have not even come close to mastered! These are first that we have got to experience with the kids and its been insanely fun watching them eat this for the first time. After they all they had to endure watching me eat Ghana foods for the first time, I held back the frowned eyebrows look on my face when I touched the Banku (a Ghanaian dish) for the first time..slimy.
1. scrambled eggs
2. Bacon
3. Hot dogs and hamburgers
5. Chicken nuggets
10. Quesadillas
When I start to cook they have a disgust look on their face and say "mummy....Whatisdat!''
They try it and sometimes they say ''Mummi No like it!''...or 'Mummi is sweet!'' (which means its good!)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Having Girls...what fun!

As a child, I would dream of what my little girls would look like. Would they look like my grandma, have curly hair like me, brown eyes? Will they like to bake with me in the kitchen as I did with my grandma? Will they like to wear my makeup as I did with my mom?

Look at me, I have two girls, bowned skined, curly hair and brown eyes that love to bake with me, and they both remind me of Maria my grandmother. I treasure these two girlies so much! They both have come from diffrent mamas, but oh my word, the love I have for them....I can't even begin to explain. Watching them dance and sing in the mirror, watch as G paints Rubys nails, oh the joy! If you have a sister, you know the bond a sister can share, as I have a sister nothing can break that bond. I pray that these two will be untied in sisterly love. A mom can hope :)!

I know I skipped a lot of days from my travel to today three weeks home. If you have been through an older child adoption I KNOW you totally excuse me from missing data ;). These first three weeks have been a blur, but we have learned so much in this very short weeks about our new children, and well about ourselves.
There is such a fine line of what I want to share via open world blog to support others going through the same journey. Also what I would like to hold back, for our own privacy as a family structure. I will be very careful to say that older child adoption is not at all like infant adoption. NOT AT ALL! There is an instant bond that occurs when you see a small helpless can't do wrong by anyone child. Not as instant when a child already has hurts and personality
conflicts, or just has lead a hard life and has a hard shell. Adoption is not easy, don't get me wrong. I am not saying its easy to adopt a baby. For us, it was smooth, our Ethiopian adoption from start to finish was 9 months..nope, 9 months. When I opened up Ruby's email of her face..oh my word! My older babies, I fell in love with the pictures but I was very careful with how much of my heart I was willing to let go of, because of all the ''what ifs''. It was more of a faith, something I KNEW God was asking of us. It was about a child having a family, more than us growing a family.
This adoption, I have seen more of God and his redemption, than I ever have in my life. I have been learning how to love even when the love does not come back as easy, or the love is harder. I have learned this is NOT about me. Its about Gods magnificent plan for ALL my children, and for people to see His Glory through us. I am reminded of a how God can make anything beautiful, even when it looks impossible, or to hard. I am learning to be patient, kind.
I know I said its not about me, but really I am learning that even though its not about me, he is becoming bigger inside of me, and I smaller. That's how its suppose to be right :)! I am learning to count on him, and I am learning that because he was willing to give it all up for me, then I should be willing to do the same for Him! Even when my freedom suffers, even when I am all touched out, even when there are tears and there is nothing to do for it but pray. Even when I really need a hair coloring and pedicure REAL bad :).
Jesus this is my pleasure!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!