Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I realized it over the weekend what she was meaning. She was right. I had been so caught up in my hurts to be justified in the anger that I was holding onto it and even when God had asked me to lift it up, I continued to take offense or worse allow my soil to become hard..my heart to become hard.
I have shared that our adoption journey has been a full basket of emotions some awesome and warm and some not so much. I have learned things about myself that I don't like and things that I have become to know that God has fashioned me with this character for good.
Recently the not so good has come out when I have to be angry with someone and I can't so I get angry at the hurts I have in my heart. Instead of allowing God to take refuge in my soul and bestowing compassion and mercy, I have allowed my roots to become deep and have cut off the source of water.
Is it hard to come out in the open with my wrong doings? YES, but its also helps to break soil for when the waters come I will allow it to flow. Being as a small water droplets or a river.
My heart is truly for God to move in and through and before me, that may not mean that all my actions (adoption) will be okay with everyone. Things Jesus did was never OKAY with everyone.
However in the way that I handle the obstacle need to reflect Christ and when they don't I have become a hypocrite. When I hold judgement over those who have judged my actions I am guilty of the same. No matter what the situation is.
Spring is here, and over the last few days God have used the words of others and the reaching out of others to show me something in my own life that He was not okay with. OUCH. Spanking? YES! Humble pie...eat! Although the enemy's goal is to kill, steal or destroy the believers in ALL Things. I have the authority inside of me to come against him, and I was allowing him free reign inside my heart. Oh and the worst part...I was justified in it (according to my own judgement of myself)
Families, or friends who find themselves in the same predicament as I am. We all seem to be here in some time or another. Your offense is not yours to carry. If you are doing something you feel that God has asked you to do and there is an offense in your heart, its God's offense not yours to carry. Its a hard one, because we are so emotional (women!) about things especially things we are passionate about (my kids, being mine.) However even in the things that we can't control of others, we can allow God to take it up so that when the water flows into the soil, there is new life.
My prayers is that in the final stages of our journey we will allow God to break the soil, to remove offenses, to fertilize and to allow the seeds to bloom. And that we finish in a way the that is Glorify to Him, and that he will remove those things that are not, even if its on the Internet for all to see ;-)
I was wrong in my actions of hardness, I know I was. I have apologized for my words, I can only be responsible for my own self.
Being above reproach doesn't always mean you don't speak up with injustice. It means that you speak with kindness and love and when you have to you do need to use firmness, but it should ALWAYS reflect the kindness of a Savior. The minute it does't you have stoped reflecting Him and eyes have turned to you instead. Forgive my Savior for making any of this about me, and Thank you that you adore me even in the midst of my hard soil.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I have hurt a family member with my words, words I wrote when I was angry. Words I wrote and then had on a scheduled post. Even though my words were spoken from a bruised heart and even though my hurt to me is my reality, and the intention was for others who have the same heart ache to realize they are not alone. After reading it from the perspective of this family member, I realized there were different ways to share my hurt. To this family member and if any other family members were hurt with those words I ask your forgiveness for putting out there for people to read. Even though I never mentioned names if you are apart of that you will know who you are.
This family member has mentioned that ''I have painted a negative picture of my family''. For this I am deeply sorry. Also I would like to give a positive note that I mentioned on my previous hot topic post. We are hugely blessed that our family everyone member everyone has treated Ruby with so much love and welcomed her into our family. I had another member of my family assure me that my Ghana kids will have the same welcome.
We have gone through so much these last three weeks that I really didn't think my heart could take it any more.
My sister took off, and yes I bawled like a baby when I went into my car. I kept remembering that my flowers were blooming at home. He makes all things New. My blooming flowers reminded me of hope. Hope for some mending to take place, hope for my children to come home, hope for this to not all be in vain. Hope for a future.
I don't even think the person who brought me the flowers would ever think these meant that much to me, but they did. They did mean that much so thank you A for the blooming hope.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
No comment! Sharmrocks
Thursday, March 25, 2010
This morning I woke up determined that I would fly to Ghana and appear before Social Welfare's to plead my case. It makes sense, I just need to be there and my children need me! I was going to buy a ticket for tomorrow night be there by Monday and take this head on! I phoned my besties asked them to pray and I left a message for Anita my coordinator. When I called the embassy in DC to make sure they were sending out my visa so I can have it tomorrow before the flight. The said they never issued me a visa to fly out. WHAT THE FREAK?? I sent it on Thursday overnight to get to the embassy on Friday they would work on it all of Friday and maybe Monday I should have it by Tuesday. I called yesterday to check and they said it would be in the mail yesterday and I should get it TODAY! Nope. So I called and they said that I was 10 dollars short they are sending everything back to me??! WHAT..I tripled checked like everything. THREE OF FOUR TIMES. Then my bestie called me to tell me she didn't have a peace about me going yet. And Anita said the same darn thing.
Do you see something here, regardless of what these women would have told me I was going to go, I made my mind up. Did I pray about it. Um..well I prayed he would close the door if I was not going to go. Dang it! He knows me so well.
Communication is open between us and the embassy and I fully trust them so I now they are doing everything on their side to allow us to get the children's visas. I still can not give full details about us, but never in a gazillion years would I think we would be right here in this spot. I do feel God using us In a Mighty way.
I have to say I feel the prayers of the saints on our behalf, I do! I also sense all the love from those of you that have called me and have contacted me through facebook to let me know that we are covered in prayers. It has meant to world to us that you are on your knees for our children.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Aaron Ivey is a papa of a child that just came home from Haiti.
This is my song now. Bringing our children home has taken so much emotions from us. We will do anything to get our kids home. If it takes our breath away G and E we are going to get you!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I feel like I am a detective in a case trying to get all the facts, trying to solve a mystery trying to do it in truth without cutting corners.
I am feeling hopeful today that there will be a solution. Anyone want to volunteer to watch our children if we have to leave next week? ;)
Monday, March 15, 2010
Last Monday was our appointment with the embassy and were told from the embassy they have to call Social welfare office and clarify a report. We knew this, but its been one week and no one is calling us back or emailing us at all. Tomorrow we start our phone calls to our legislators if there is not an email tonight. It has gotten very ugly, like I said I cannot share details but its enough to make you sick.
We have had smooth sailing though this adoption besides very minor setback by a few days, rescheduled court, forgot to to sign paper TWICE, it has been easy sailing for us. We were happy with the way things were going. Until this HUGE hiccup.
This week has brought me to my knees and just when I wanted to let go, its like the Lord but fire under by feet and said to me "These children are worth it, I am with you!"
I can imagine my children that are under my roof being in the same situation, I think I would fly and pull a ninja move on anyone that got in my way.
I find it amazing how God can put love in my heart with children I have not even meet. These little ones I adore with all my soul, and I am aching for them. My family does not feel complete. Its missing two special and sweet ones.
I have felt a sea of emotions I have felt scared, worried, STRESSES, sad, upset, and discouraged. I have had to ask Anita the hard question. It it possible that my babies never make it home. A familiar feeling. My son Hudson never made it home from the hospital and I had to pack his room up but away clothing I had washed and had neatly folded ready for his arrival. If you have never lost a child, its the most painful thing. It is a familiar feeling the pain in my gut. I have not eaten much and not slept much. It has taken me right back to the hospital days with Hudson where we were on pins and needles feeding of each doctors words, waiting for the miracle to only have it taken away again. Its aching me, its aching me, its aching me.
Its been really hard. We have had so many of you praying for us, calling us checking in, that means the world to us!
My husband and I talk about if we knew this would happen would we have done this? YES! I know God lead us here, I know His hand is before us, over us protecting us through all this. I know that he has seen my heart break and has seen how many tears I have shed over this. I know that this is an opportunity to see Him move boulders if he so chooses. I have had to lay my children on the alter of Abraham so to say. They are not mine.
You are my King, I worship you and adore you. My life is yours, my heart is yours everything I am and I am not yours oh Lord. I come before you sweet Jesus and lay these precious ones before you. I remember doing this with Hudson, really not knowing if you would preform a miracle before us, hoping that you would. The miracle we were looking for did not happen but another miracle, you were in our room when we watched our baby take his last breath, you promised you would never leave us, and the miracle of that day is that you did not leave us. I know you are with us now, you lead us here and we have felt your hand over this adoption we know its YOU. I am scared but not worried that you will take your hand off.
If you choose to not allow my babies to come home, even then I will love you. Just like I did when Hudson didn't come home. I loved you more, because YOU never left me. You will never forsake us. You love those children more than I can ever imagine, so if you have a plan for them that is not us. Lord Jesus I trust you.
Because you have not lead me to believe this I come against you Satan and your lies. You will not win you have not won, Victory is my Kings and will always be. Break down walls speak your truth into darkness. Bring justice. Set the captives free. May your spirit move hearts that need to be moved. May you use us to bring Glory to your name. That when people look at us they will see the faith that you gave us, they will see two ordinary not special folks who took a step of faith a crazy step of faith and could not do anything without you, but through you Could move mountains. You oh Lord have victory this battle is yours.
Solie de Gloria!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I know I am huge advocate for orphan care it's what I write about most times. Its a passion that was brought alive in me, and confirmed through scripture. Orphan care and Justice. So I may be getting myself into some mud even discussing this controversial subject, but one time someone told me that with Gods truths there will always be controversy.
Lets examine Gods word on Orphan care, widow care and loving the poor and stranger.
On His Love and care for them:
"He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger or temporary resident and gives him food and clothing.'' Deuteronomy 10:18
''The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows"' Psalm 146:9
So there, we all understand that His heart is for the Fatherless, for the poor, and for the widow.
He cares for them and EXECUTES Justice for them. They were created in his own image and matter to him the same as any of us.
On His mandate and command for caring for the poor, orphan (fatherless) and stranger.
True Justice MUST be given to foreigners living among you and to Orphans Deuteronomy 24:17
LEARN to do good. SEEK Justice. HELP the oppressed. DEFEND the cause of the orphan. FIGHT for the rights of the widows. Isiah 1:17
Rescue the weak and needy, deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Psalm 82:3
Now it does not say if you feel the ''calling'', it says Justice MUST be given. There are big verbs here watch, LEARN, SEEK, HELP, DEFEND, RESCUE, FIGHT It does NOT say if you feel called, these are COMMANDS. Scripture can not be more clear on what the Church's purpose what you and I as believers are TO DO.
What if you do nothing?
You must not exploit a widow or an orphan. 23 If you exploit them in any way and they cry out to me, then I will certainly hear their cry. 24 My anger will blaze against you, and I will kill you with the sword. Then your wives will be widows and your children fatherless.Exodus22:21
Cursed is anyone who denies justice to foreigners, orphans, or widows.’ And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’ Deuteronomy 27:19
They are fat and sleek, and there is no limit to their wicked deeds. They refuse to provide justice to orphans and deny the rights of the poor. Jeremiah 5:28
This is what the Lord says: Be fair-minded and just. Do what is right! Help those who have been robbed; rescue them from their oppressors. Quit your evil deeds! Do not mistreat foreigners, orphans, and widows. Stop murdering the innocent! Jeremiah 22:3
Do not oppress widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor. And do not scheme against each other. Zechariah 7:10
“At that time I will put you on trial. I am eager to witness against all sorcerers and adulterers and liars. I will speak against those who cheat employees of their wages, who oppress widows and orphans, or who deprive the foreigners living among you of justice, for these people do not fear me,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Malachi 3:5
Apparently if you do nothing there are some serious consequences. Don't take my word for it read it yourself. IF you DENY, DEPRIVE,REFUSE, EXPLOIT, OPPRESS then you have some answering to do before our Mighty King. As Frank would say your SOL! IF you refuse to care for the least of these if you are refusing to FEED, CLOTHE and QUENCH the thirst and INVITE the least of these you are doing the same to Jesus. Matthew 25:31-46 There will be punishment for you. Sorry for preaching the brimstone, but there is no way around that.
So, this is where the rubber hits the road! Whats your job in this. Are you to adopt? If this is your very conviction then yes! Should all Christian adopt? I really don't think this is the case. However All Christians do need to be in the action work of helping the poor, needy and the fatherless. Your job is to seek what God wants you to do with this clear command. IF you do NOTHING. How can the Love of God be in you if you do not?
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity
on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with
words or tongue but with actions and in truth. John 3: 17-18
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says
to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his
physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not
accompanied by action, is dead
Especially if you have NOW!
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"-- when you
now have it with you.
For us it means to open our home to the fatherless, We have a family and to deny what God has placed before us was to deny God himself. Some may argue and say we need to have a hand in all these commands. We are the hands of feet of Christ and have many different jobs in the body. We can not be all focused on adoption, this is not the answer. If we all went in to rescue the orphans, there will be more, and more and more, it wont end. That's why I appreciate adoption agencies that focus on keeping the children with families and having adoption as the LAST RESORT. As well as working organizations that help the people of countries sustain themselves to be able to feed their children, and send them to school. There is so much more than adoption, this is just one small piece of the pie. Ask, He will answer you. Do not assume because of your circumstances that you know what you are to do. He is the creator He can accomplish great things through you. Have faith! Remember however that faith without deeds is dead.
“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”