Friday, February 26, 2010

I want to adopt my husband does not. What do I do?

I have heard this question often among women that have a desire to adopt yet hubby is not on board for a few reasons. 1. He feels like he has his fill of children. 2. MONEY 3. Wants more biological children 4. Not the right time right now. I have heard these reasons and I am sure there are more, these are the top ones I have heard so far.

I was thinking of this particular question, because just recently I had a little cry fest of my own to Frank about wanting to sell EVERYTHING and move to Africa. I will give you a background on myself and my hubbs. Frank is typical S (on the personality spectrum) Safe, routine, always on time ,no ,always ten minutes + early, loyal, conservative, always orders combo #8 at restaurants. My personality is total opposite, I use to make him nervous I am sure. I can get up and go on call, have no problem with my schedule being interrupted, if I am late to an appointment is because there was a relationship issue (someone calling and needing a friend to talk to etc), do not like ordering the same food on the menu, like trying new things. My gift of mercy and compassion moves me to action faster than I can compute the reasoning of the cost I am giving up. For instance if my husband listened to my cry for all the years we have been married we would have moved umpteen times and who knows where we would be right now. We need each other so much to balance each other out. He asks if I have thought about this or that or even this and that. Then I ask if he feels anything about it ;)! Its been fun!

So this is where I get all biblical on you! Lets take a look at what Scripture says about our husbands. Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 peter 3:1
Many women see the word submission and freak out! No fear ladies, our men should not Lord over us their job is to love us like Jesus loves the church, and be gentle with us. Ephesians 5:25
Our job is to ''Submit'' to our husbands and unto the Lord. Submitting by recognizing his position as the head in our homes, respecting him in that that role, not questioning in a nasty and prideful way. We are also to be "In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything'' 1 Timothy 3:11
I wont get into the biblical aspect of submitting to your husband if he is not a believer. If your man is leading you to something that is plainly not honoring the Lord then you honor the Lord in it first. I am writing as if I am speaking a believer about this particular question.
We women are to be subject to our husbands in EVERYTHING. Adoption most defiantly included. So here is what you do if this is your case.
Number 1. HUSH YOUR MOUTH do not nag him about it. There is nothing worse than living with a wife that naggs. Proverbs says it better for a man to life on the roof than to live with a quarrelsome wife. We can influence our husbands, sometimes the best influence is shutting our mouths. Asking a question in a loving and respectful way when the time is right.

Number 2: GET ON YOUR KNEES: If this is laid on your heart then it is for a reason, maybe you will adopt some day maybe or you will support orphan care in some way. Ask that God would make it clear to your husband or take the desire from you until time. He is faithful when we are faithful.
Just like me wanting to move to Africa today, my husband does not have that feeling or desire at all. He feels like it may be in the future but for right now its a NO. This is where I have to honor, respect him and submit to him knowing full well he would have the same nudging if this was what we were suppose to do. Knowing with all my heart that because he loves Jesus he has a close connection with him and he would hear when the time and if the time is right. It may never happen..sniff sniff. That is a dream I have and will continue to lay at his feet.
Take courage women. Most adoptions I know of God spoke to the women first and the men took a nudging by something bigger. It can happen, be patient.



A. Gillispie said...

I loved this post! I can't remember all the details, but once I heard a sermon on "submission." The preacher said that submission (the word used for submission in Hebrew) doesn't in any way indicate that the wife is "lower" or "less than" the husband. We have seperate but equal roles within a marriage. The husband has the final say on family matters, but it is our sinful natures that makes us women want to see this as him being "higher!"

When I think about how hubbies are usually slower to make the decision to adopt, I think about Mary and Joseph. God told Mary about Jesus before He told Joseph. It seems that the Lord often prepares a mother's heart just a bit before the father's, doesn't it?

Murphy Momma said...

PRAISE GOD FOR YOU!!!! I am a big believer in the Bible so that means I have to be a big believer in a wife's submission to her husband AND to her Lord. More and more need to hear this and be challenged by it and it is all so true! When will our generation wake up and realize that GOd knows what He's doing and there are blessings to come when we obey His Word. Love ya!

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!