Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Depression

I am not a person that hides her feelings well, I choose to not be private with most of our life because if someone can benefit from my writing and be helped by me airing my dirty laundry it is well worth the humility of people knowing.
I suffer with depression. I have always suffered with depression. I have never know the full extent to this. Have had tons of therapy sessions and they only thing I can chalk it up to is my biology and then there are plenty of pains in my young childhood that I have dealt with or still continue to deal with. Does this mean I am always depressed. NO. Depression for me comes in many waves. I can be great and super and then a change in my life can bring me right back to not great not super. If you know anyone who deals with this you know darn well its not something you snap out of. You need medication and/or therapy. You need to be able to walk through it and come out on the other side healthy and able to cope with the daily life.
A few people close to me know of my struggle not too many and perhaps some will be surprised to even know this about me. It is a fact that I have lived with for very long. I count my blessings that I do not suffer from chronic depression my depression is mild but can turn to severe if I don't keep a handle on it.

I began to deal with it in High school and I didn't recognize what it was. I thought for years that it had been a lack of faith. I am a Christan I should be able to rely on Christ for my pure joy! I went through many years feeling this way and pushing my depression down. It was not till my second born that my physician asked if I had post partum and when I began to hear what this feeling was , I explained that this feeling were always with me. I was placed on medication right away. I WAS AWESOME :)! My struggle with the question of weather or not to be on the medication was dismissed quickly due to the feeling I have while on my meds. I was able to taper off and then became pregnant with my third son who died at three months. I got right back on it. Was doing well again. Adopted our daughter, I was off still because I was doing well. Had healthy therapy sessions and then life began to change again for me we were in the middle of our last adoption when our son got worse. We brought our kids home and I was still off my meds. We changed our entire life to Georgia, and that old darkness had taken over once again.
Two weeks ago I went in to get back on my medication ...starting to see the light again!
I struggle with how much to share about my depression .Depression can overtake your entire being. The times when I do not feel depressed are times when I am living out for Jesus, when I am radically living it out, when I am on a mission trip, planning an adoption, being an advocated for orphan care. The minute I start to focus on my life again I get right back to depression. I know we can't live as missionaries full time, I know I wont be adopting again, I know advocating for orphan care can be a full time job. BUT there is a cycle when I begin to focus on ME I get depressed. I was not meant to focus on ME we were not created to live this way. This is why I think depression is so common *even though people don't openly share about it*.
Do I think I have the cure for depression, to not focus on yourself, is this the quick fix? NO. I do believe many times depression can passed down or even chronic and needs medical intervention. BUT I also believe that its a reminder that when we focus on our pain when we look inward and focus on what we are not ,what we have not, what we can not it can be so easy to become depressed.
For me my meds will allow me to remove the cloud over me so I can focus back on Christ. Its a crutch for now, and if it works then I will do it!
If you have these feelings if you suffer from depression or anxiety let me just say you are not alone. PLEASE get medical help soon and fast. Do not wait for the feeling to go away most times it wont on its own. If you get to the point where you do not want to live GET HELP FAST!! Depression is not a joke and needs to be taken seriously. If you are in the body and know of someone that struggles with it do not judge them for taking a medication, you may not understand what living like this is like.
As for me right now I am on meds and will continue with my therapy sessions *these are my favorite cause I just get to talk!* If you have delt with it and are well but are adopting, know with the change you may need to talk with a professional , don't beat yourself up about it.
Hope this helps someone today :)
Loves!
Tribe mama
ps. If you need prayer for this email me, I PROMISE I WILL LIFT YOU UP AND YOUR NOT ALONE!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas in the South


The girls paiting nails





Tagging cousin Oscar with the first snowball of the season!




Poor Cheif he was coming down with the nasty flu this day.


Oh my heck, its been a while. Moving takes a huge adjustment on everyone. I am trying to find the Georgia me, if that makes any sense. I really miss the Washington me, if that makes any sense at all?!
I find myself so sad missing my Washington friends and life. Then there are times like Christmas, where I am in the same room with my mom and dad and family and know this was what I had been missing for so long. My parents just bought a home here in Georgia (they are in Florida) but the wont move till May of next year. Its times when my mom and dad come visit and my parents fill my house with laughter and support and ease. My dad can not stay still so whenever he is over you will find him sweeping out my garage, vacuuming out my van you know they things I DREAD to do. My mom you will find folding laundry, scrubbing my stove and mopping my floors. Is it bad to want your parents to move in with you, is that odd?
I know this seems strange but I enjoy my children so much more when they are with me. I don't feel stressed, I feel at ease and relaxed.
Christmas was amazing, we had HUGE blessings at our door. HUGE! We didn't want to go in dept to have Christmas gifts and we were going to be short a couple of kids, a miracle happened when a new friend handed us 500$ and told us Merry Christmas. I love God and how we works those things out so we can trust him. Even when we start to think He has forgotten us.
We were able to get everything on our kids list. G and E had a great first Christmas!
My parents were on the way out the day after Christmas when I suggested the best thing, take my big boys to Florida! :) We packed them up and sent them to Florida for the week. When would that have been possible? Love that. Our boys get to hang with grandpa all day for a week, they are in heaven!
Still can use your prayers as we are adjusting to a different life, different financial situations as well, and I can use a job!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friends we miss dearly. Just dearly.










































Some friends are irreplaceable. Simply said.
















Georgia in the Fall

















Just a few photos of what Georgia looks like in the fall! Its been super duper cold the other day it was 15 degrees! people keep telling us that this is very rare, yes, it decided to be very unpredictable our first few weeks. BRR!




Thursday, December 16, 2010

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference


This video hit home for us. Our son Hudson would be four this year. When his name is mentioned in the same context as what God had said to us it hit home. Watch it. Grab some tissue!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Truth and Lies



In the last 6 months are family has gone through some MAJOR life changes. MAJOR. Its been challenging and messy and hard, and some sunny breaks in between the hard and challenging.

We brought our children home in June and our house filled with tension as amazing as adoption can be it can also be extremely difficult and emotionally draining. I don't say that to stop anyone from adopting in anyway, Its been a rough road, but SO Worth the blessings! Having our little Roo and then big ones was a huge adjustment. Things were not sweet and lovely like it was with little roo that came home at 3 months, however I feel that her personality even if she came here at 3 years she is just a ray of sunshine ALWAYS!

You are required to read plenty of literature about adoption, I have a wonderful adoption community we share really intimate feelings and I gleaned from them with their older children adoption. I was not aware of the feelings I would deal with in my own icky heart, in my relationships with those closest to me and in my personal spiritual walk. Just in the same way when you have biological children you can read all about every aspect of labor in the 'What to expect while you are expecting" or 'What to expect the first year" and still you will go through emotions that you have never experienced because its a life lesson you have not gone through as yet.
It can be an extremely lonely experience unless you have full support of church and family and friends, and even then, it can linger of solitude. For these reasons..

1. You can not trust the audience who have already thought you should have never adopted in the first place. They may not say it (some do) but its a constant aroma of disapproval and disappointment. Why would you even risk opening your heart to this? You wouldn't and so you don't.
2. Well meaning and loving friends that mean well and love you but have not been there and so can not help with the emotions on this level.
3. You are too emotionally exhausted that even speaking with your spouse about it can turn into a bucket of hurt feelings and confusing emotions.

4. You HAVE to keep it up every day for your kids also your new kids they have gone though something much major than you, MUCH MUCH major.


The chief and I have had to hold up our emotions and then the consistent and one the stable one in my home became unstable with all the changes and relational disappointments. There was a big giant lurking in our home a very dark presence that was weighing us down every day. We were weak from the battle and were even feeling the temptation to lower our shields and we did, targets flew by and hurt us and we were for a bit laying on the ground and taking it. It had taken over our lives we were being disobedient to God in just the mere fact that we were believing lies planted by others used by the enemy to make us even question what we already knew God had orchestrated from the start. It was a hard hard process. Even knowing the truth still the darkness over took me fast.
Then it hit me one day, the hope that I had shun in the darkness of the lies I had believed. Its not about being victories its really about being obedient or disobedient. You can believe the lies that say ''why did you do this, why would you ever think God would bless this?'' " Its really all your doing your husband really didn't want it ( even though this is was totally made up lie, it made me question his heart) ''They would still be friendly to you if you didn't adopt. This lie was the worst, our choosing to adopt should NEVER Stop someone from having a relationship with us or being distant, that's not a GOD thing, AT ALL! And if it did, that's really other peoples conviction not our fault, not ours to own. Many more lies you can choose to believe and sulk low and heavy and allow the enemy to smile at his planted effort is destroying your joy, your peace, your family and even your faith.


OR....YOU CAN RISE ABOVE, Raise your head to the hills, because that's where your help comes from. You can CHOOSE to believe the TRUTH.


This is the Truth friends (not only for me, but for you adopted in his family as well)


YOU ARE ADOPTED into his family, because, He has adopted you (Romans 8:15), because you are HIS because He choose you, He will give you the strenght to follow TRUE RELIGION James 1:27




People will not accept Him (or the things that are of Him) , at times that even means Christians sadly (yes I am gutsy to say that some Christians do not even KNOW HIM, I was one of them Matthew 7:23). ''The World can not accept Him because it does not know Him'' John 14:1




There are promises that He has given us. These Promises need to sustain us. My Comfort in my suffering is this YOUR PROMISE PRESERVES MY LIFE!" Psalm 119:50




This live really is NOT YOUR OWN. You may have dreams and hopes and most times they are not His, even the bestest most noble ones, such as moving your entire family to Africa (my dream that is not Gods ...right now..tehehe) Give it up sista! Jeremiah 10:23




Trails come so your faith can grow (trust me this does not make it easier) 1 Peter 1:7 talks about us having a faith with more value than gold. We are being proved genuine so the end result in that GLORY, PRAISE and HONOR is brought to CHRIST.




Please I ask you to comment with other truths God has shared I know there are PLENTY, these are just the ones that ring true to my heart right now.

This adoption continues to show me how much I need Christ every single day, how much my ugly heart I thought was so lovely is really NOT! It has tested our marriage, along with other changes, it has been a rough 6 months. Not going to lie. We have found uglies in people we love, we have found uglies in our own closet. We have disappointed our children with our lack of emotional stability. We have disappointed each other in the process of really seeing what we are made of.

BUT!! We will rise once again!! My youth group pastor, Stephan Youngblood, wrote this song that a bunch of us sang after hurricane Hugo destroyed our houses and our island back when I lived in the Virgin Islands. It rings deep inside of me till this day
"We will rise once again from the pain we are in,
hand in hand with faith we will stand.
And with God as our guide
Side by Side
Together we will stand!''

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Family photos-Kristen Harris


See all the Super snazzy photos. They are so awesome, Thank you Kristen Harris for hanging in my favorite spot the Pike Place Market in Seattle. I already miss it. You captured the crazy fun love that is the Teabo Tribe! If you are in the Puget Sound area and you do not like the common photo op, then you would love Kristen, she is fresh and modern and just a sweetheart!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Happy 5th Birthday EQ

This little angel, (he really is not a little angel ;) but he is adorable! He just turned 5 today on National Adoption Day! Is he not the darnest cutest little person...ever!?

Friday, November 19, 2010

What a move!

NO PHOTOS YET!
We have been here a full week and two days. I have yet to bust out my camera and begin capturing our lives I know, crazy! Our last week in Washington was extremely sad for us, and each one of us had emotional breakdowns. It was VERY emotional. Our new kids regressed because the changes and began to do things they did when they just came. There were melt downs left and right and Chief and I had our own emotions to deal with so I can say it may have not been pretty at our house that last week at all. It was HARD maintaing the peace keeper role.
We ended our last week spending time with friends and family and it made me wish that we all treated each other as if we were moving always. You know the saying you don't know what you have until you loose it. Same concept. We were really embracing our relationships more than we had before, and I am ashamed to use time as an excuse.
The last day approached and saying good byes made me emotionally spent! We had dinner at Chiefs brothers house and it was so sweet. Chiefs brother and his lovely wife and my bestie drove us to the airport. Tears, big tears again.
The next few hours our family did a huge turn around and I was floored by what I saw. We became a unit, everyone helping out, the travel was EASY. The best travel I have ever done with kids. It was as if we were cutting each other grace because we are in it together. Beautiful.
We arrived Georgia, and in an instant, I missed home. I knew it would happen, the last few weeks at home saying good bye to the bestest friends made me second guess our move tons!
I think I change my mind, I kept saying over and over in my head. I looked over to my guy standing by my side and I began to cry. ''I am so scared!'' There you have it folks. Me the brave woman, courageous, I was scared.
My Aunt and Cousin picked us up we went to lunch and then to our new house. Nothing in it, bare. I was missing something. The truck arrived and we began to unpack. The next day feeling a little bit better we went to unpack with the help of family. Then some new friends showed up, two adoption families that new of our arrival and I had been corresponding with.
Fast forward to a few days later. I began to feel better, seeing my family made the difference. My kids adore my cousins Aunty Cindy and Little Oscar (who is not so little ;) My house was getting cozy, I began to hold my chin up.
Fast forward to the first day of school. I was more nervous than the kids, I thought the kids would hate it. They all were starting determined to not like it because the want their old schools back. Recipe for disaster.
The staff and principal welcomed us with Southern hospitality (you get that a ton here!)
The teachers were absolutely excited and sweet. I walked each child into class and left, nervous for them and praying that they would have a decent day, just okay would be fine. I was surprised that when I went to the carpool lane for pick up the teachers walked the children to my car opened the car door and said she checked in on them ALL, and said ''see you tomorrow kids'' and shut my door. Did this just happen, YES, the kids get escorted to the car pool lane! Its so organized they have you pull up and a staff reads the name of the students on your tag for the car, she has a walkie talkie, so when I pull forward all my three are waiting with another teacher. SO...first day. The all came in the the van and began to talk all at once. They were so excited!!! They loved it! One child in J mans class walked around the class and got kids to sign a card to welcome him. His name is Ryan. The same name of his bestie back home.
A-man loves his teacher, G.G. loves the school. Favorite is lunch, I guess they get smoothies with hot lunch, and a ton of selections. The way to my kids heart is.. you got it, food! Today is day 4, and it continues to blow me away the amazing staff and the way the teachers are all on top of the education. I am impressed!!
I have so much more to say, but I gotta get out of boxes some more,. More later, on our move.
PS. My sister and parents come tomorrow to spend a week with all of us and I am SO SO excited!!!

Monday, November 1, 2010

7 Days

I am an emotional wreck on the home front. I am scared, I am sad to leave my best friends. I am nervous and I am wiping tears from my children's eyes. A couple times I almost threw in the towel! Change is hard. I am living out of a suitcase right now, and in the next few hours will be packing my home computer. Chief is packing the TV right now. We are TIRED. I am so happy that I have amazing friends that have planned night outs and parties for us to keep my mind from going crazy. I have had help packing from some sweet friends.
Please pray for our family in transition, and right now we are camping so...if you think about us pray EXTRA hard! Extra hard also for family that we are leaving, its going to be HARD.
ON THE GOOD SIDE: I have friends already in Georiga and already a church we defiantly want to check out. This Church's home group without even knowing us has said they would forfeit a home group night to help us unpack the truck. For reals?! It will be okay

Happy Halloween















I PITY THE FOOL THAT DON'T GET ME CANDY!







Some snit bits of our Teabo Tuesday fun!









Mummy Meatloaf I fogot the picture but the meatloaf also came with ghostly potato skins, that had sourcream and green onions. All ideas from Family Fun magazine.


Mac N Cheese octopus




Our Ghana kids first Halloween, they were very scared. I had to skip out on stores that had the icky scary costumes. This Halloween our first born really wanted to go as something 'not cute' in his own words and there you go, white face and fangs not cute he went. BUT, the kids could not stand near him, they were to frightened. Overall when it came to the first door they were more than happy to go again and again. Now 4lbs of candy later....we are awaiting the candy fairy maybe she will show up tonight? :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What every adoptive/Foster family needs-Post placement

I have been home for 5 months with our new Ghana kids. Just now finding a little bit of normal, oh wait we are moving scratch that! It was a very difficult (and that is a true understatement) summer transition. I have been asked by families and friends what they can do to help, when we just got back. I kept telling everyone, I don't know what I need! I have had some time to process those months and I am now able to share what families need when kids come home or have been placed for foster in your home. Or what you will probably need bringing your child home so when people from your church or friends and families ask you can say this. Or friends and families and church body we can all come together and surround families with support this way as well.

1. Newborns:
No matter what age the child is, think of it as though you brought newborns into your home. This summer I brought home twins! So now imagine what a new mom of two twin babies would need and start there. Meals sign ups, people to watch other kids while they bond, someone to help clean, bring a few bags of groceries, bring a cup of coffee, with much understanding and a big smile and hug is very necessary. They want to feel loved and supported through this transition period, they need space to bond, but they need to know family and friends are there and sometimes they don't know what they need so offering something would be the best solution.

2. Compassion and understating.
The adoption process has JUST begun when the kids come home. Its not an instant bond right away for some of us. There are tons of adjusting these kids are NOT typical and so the last thing any adoptive parents need in a lack of understanding or compassion to a new family. These kids you can bet your cowboy boots are much younger emotionally and developmentally than their age, so compassion with that will help families. Don't look at an 8 year old with 8 year old expectations. Rule of thumb 1 month for every years so for 8 months my 8 year old girl will need around the clock compassion and care, before I can even look to see her as even close to an 8 year old, right now to me she is 6. Also a listening ear, some times families need the chance to vent, without the feeling of ''I told you so, you are way over your head'' looks. Knowledge is power, if you are very close to a family and will be apart of an adoptive family it would be beneficial to get educated on how to help adoptive children and families transition home. Here is a link to a good start. It takes a village!

3. Couples need to connect:
Adoptive parents, even though the mom is not pregnant does have hormonal changes and need to go on dates with her spouse. It WILL change your marriage no matter how strong you though you were before. This is time consuming more than you probably though it would be so time away for you as parents is much needed.

4. Prayer and support:
Families need to know that they are being prayed for around the clock, this time of transition is EXTREMELY fragile! If families felt the support of a loving arms around them and felt like they could turn to a community when they needed to is much help.

5. Not a time to be critical or insensitive:
Save the drama for someone else during this transition of a family being home. Already the mother is having emotions she probably never was prepared for of even knew she was capable of feeling, so do not add to the complexity of the situation by adding any negative comments, to get a point across. This is a time of love and healing, no need to add any other components in there.

6. Learn to use the right terminology for adoption.
People are unaware of the words they choose to use when speaking of or to adoptive families for example. Which one are yours? They are ALL mine! Which one are the real ones? They are all REAL. People really are not being mean or insensitive, they just need to be taught which words are okay to use and which ones can be inappropriate especially around the family. My 10 year old is very sensitive to these words, bless his little heart.

7. You have not been forgotten!
I can imagine(maybe some of my friends or families feel this way) sometimes people may feel forgotten. Perhaps you were very close before the adoption or saw this family more often and now the kids are home you never see each other or hear from them very often. This is a HUGE life change, for a family, You are not forgotten. BUT most families do seek refuge in other adoptive families because there is a commonality there. Just like when you get married you seem to shift away from your single friends, or when you have a child, you slowly become surrounded with young families and all you do is talk about color of baby poop and car seats. Adoption world is no different.

8. Love. Love. Love , love is all you need!
It breaks my heart when I see that adoption tears a family or friends apart. Breaks my heart that there are oppositions to something this amazing. People do have their own opinions great and dandy and all, but when a family brings home a child those feelings do not need to become apart of the relationship. Let it go. I have seen it in some families lives and it really makes me so sad to see. Some friends of mine have had to really let a relationship go because the grandma could not love on the kids because of the color of their skin. IGNORANT. I can't even imagine that! I don't have that issue but that would really make me sad. Perfect Love cast out all fear. All you need is Love!

9. All children are created EQUAL.
Treat the adoptive children the same as biological as best you can. Trust me, it can be a challenge with older children, but the biological kids need to see you treating the adoptive kids just in the same way, and looking at them in the same light.

10. Still human, not saints.
I love how much encouragement I have had with our adoption, it outweighs the negative by ten fold. BUT, I feel like someone is watching for me to fail somewhere. It can be pride, yes. It can also be that we are not saints. This is a HUGE thing and yes amazing but we are human, so, these families are Not saints for what they choose to do. They are simply following something God has mandated to do.
11. Respect this families need to keep the child's story to themselves:
These kids have experienced so much more than your normal typical American child. These stories belong to the families and children. When people pry to get information even just out of curiosity you are putting the family in an awkward position to share something that's not even theirs to share in the first place. Some families will only share with very close familiy memebers or friends. Our kids stories are know by a select few that we choose to confide in. Two reason why kids are orphaned or given up for adoption. 1. death of families 2. extreme poverty.
12. Celebrations! (via@Chris B.)
When babies are born there is a celebration of some kind, shower, a party celebrating the new birth. When older children come home or even a foster child that can be overlooked. Chris B. mentioned taking the mom out to lunch even would be a treat to celebrate the families union. Same thing goes for when a family announces an adoption. For that family its just the same as saying, I have a positive pregnancy test! I have a friend when she told her parents she was adopting the mom shouted it from the roof tops she called all her friends and shared the GOOD NEWS. This is what we want as parents. Trust me, anything other would really break these families hearts.

FOSTER FAMILIES:
I have some foster friends and I am in awe of what they are doing. When you foster a child you have no guarantee that the child that has been living with you that you have been calling yours will end up staying. They get to nurture a baby/child, and then many times return them to a situation they don't feel good about. Its heart wrenching, but its Gods love! This is something I have noticed and would like to share on how we can help them.
1. When a child is placed in their home, they become their child, they fit right in. My sweet friend Amie has had 18+ children in her home over the last few years, she has pictures of ALL of them. They are close to her heart. I have seen her bring them in, and they are instant family. Its amazing. So when they have a child in the home the same thing applies.
Meals, calls to check in, bonding, and even a baby shower!!

2. Yes life goes on BUT do not bombard these foster families with anything extra. Even though these kids are from the US they need hands on like you can't even imagine. These families need to be the ones being taken care of not the other way around.

3. They need to feel the support of church and family and friends. Feel that people are praying for them, encouraged in ways through the process. If the church can provide respite care for baby sitting while the couple connect, or someone to come and do laundry, I am serious here, why are you laughing?!

Foster parents (the good ones) are really amazing, get to know them. My friends Amie, Darbi, Dottie and Lorna. Erin M, I watch them love on these children I have cried with my friends as they have seen the children they have nurtured go to someone else, or worse back to an unstable home because of the law. My friend Amie has fought like a Lion for some of these children, she has shed tears, and have bruised knees from praying for them. Some she gets for a very short time, and some longer, and still they leave her home. I guarantee its a huge difference even when she may not feel like it is. She has been a safe place and a refuge for these children when the alternative is unimaginable. Its a love without guarantees, who does that remind you of? If you are in her community, PLEASE care for her she has a heart of gold, if you go to her church surround her with prayer and words or kindness.
Get to know the foster families in your church!
*FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST FAMILIES*

Monday, October 25, 2010

Crazy Teabos







Yeah the chief and I have been talking tats for a while now, its just been one of those things where we say ''yeah that would be so cool, right?'' A couple of weeks ago we talked about it again. Chiefs cousin who is such a sweet guy and an amazing artist works in a Tattoo Parlor in Centralia Washington. We left the kids with grandma, which was a little awkward to do. Here watch our kids so we can do something totally young and crazy and get tats, she was very gracious about it though didn't tease us or anything.
We both wanted to get something that would never change in our lives. EVER. Mine was the word adopted. Because I am adopted into Gods family, because that day I accepted Christ was the turning point and changed me from the inside out, because my adoption inspires me to adopt.
Frank got his life verse James 1:27
''Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.''
He feels like this verse is exactly what God meant by religion. We are religious but only in a way that our Father accepts and that is Pure and Faultless to Him, nothing less. The world may try to pollute us to think religion is something else but this is it. Its there black and white.
Yes it hurt like a mother, yes I am sure people will ask me if I was adopted, I am hoping that they do, because then I can share with them my journey and my walk. NO we are not the type of people who think God does not want tattoos...obviously!
We are the typical Christians. You know the ones that drink brewsky, gets tats and nose piercings, and even cuss when we stub our toes. Thats us.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

What is it like.. a daughter from another mother?

My biggest fear about adopting an older child was that she would not be able to see me as her mom or bond with me. Never, not once, did I even question my ability to bond with her. I am the adult after all and I know where she comes from.
I know a small part of her story. It would be a piece of cake for me to have compassion and understating. This summer my preconceived thoughts proved me very wrong. I felt ashamed for my lack of bonding not at all on her side, she was ready arms open wide for a mama. For sure there were many situations that allowed me to fell ill equipped, but I began to take her attitude and adjustment personal. She would begin to push and I allowed her to push until I had a dis-connect. I had a hang up, I would find myself unable to comfort her when she needed it, because I was still upset about the last episode of battles. I felt ashamed, I know this is what I was suppose to do, but wasn't this suppose to be a little easier on my end and my emotions, I am the stable one here right?~! Dr. Karen Purvis lecture at the Together for adoption conference a few weekends ago made me realize I had hang ups from my past. I needed to look at the past, heal so I can parent much better. I get so many compliments of my ''goodness'' for adopting an older child so many ''that's great that you can, I don't think I can'' the ''wow your a saint''., people mean well when they say these things. In Reality I am no saint. I am a selfish individual, I get very grouchy at the loss of me time, I get very upset when my kids disrespect, I loose my temper, I get critical, I am dismissive often, I get frustrated and show no mercy or grace when it could be so easy to do so. BUT....
Gods Grace is so sufficient for me. I am growing, I am learning that older children adoption does not mean you get all this baggage, It means that God shows you all the baggage YOU HAVE, helps you to heal from them to help your fragile child become whole again, and through it guess what you become whole again too.
What is it like... a daughter from another mother? LIFE CHANGING.



Saturday, October 23, 2010

The stinking mess....EVERWHERE!




I offically can't stand packing. I want it to be over. I want to be all done. I am so far from it. The moving truck come this Thursday and we keep it for a few days before it leaves, on the 2nd. We take off the 8th and our renters move in pretty much right after that. SO, here is what I have to figure out help me out here. I have no car and no beds from the 2 or 3 so for about 6 days we are going to sleep in our sleeping bags and eat on paper plates for a few days, I can do this no problem. It the getting around I may have some issues with. SO...if you are close to my home during these days, come see me I will be stranded and will need some coffee! I may sneak over to Chiefs mom and dad and sleep under their roof for a few days too...I may just surprise them with my whole tribe ;)!
H*A*T*E* PACKING!

Adopted
















When your international adopted child enters the United States (depending on country) they come in with legal immigrant status under you, they are ''unofficially'' US citizens. In order to get full status and have the kids get your name officially they must be readopted in an US State court. Bunch of silliness if you ask me because you are still a family if its official or not. BUT, it is what it is and before we moved out of state we had to do it, otherwise we would be paying to have a new home study in the new state and that's a pretty penny!
We drove to the court house in Port Townsend, our paperwork helper Mrs. Little lives there and made it very easy for us to provide her with paperwork and she did all the work! As great as this was, I was a little annoyed that we had to do this in the first place, hey I have TONS of packing to do still.
Our entire family came for the ride. We arrived and waited for Mrs. Little and walked into the court room, we were the only family in the room, the judge walked in and we were asked to stand up. The judge has a deep voice that reminded me of the Santa on the Polar Express. He asked all of us to walk up to the podium little Roo on chiefs arms and all the other kids quietly staring, there was a plaintiff next to the clerk and he had a gun on his side, I think the kids were mesmerized and a little scared to move...awesome. The next part was very emotional for me, I had to hold back tears because I was about to bust out into ugly cry.
He asked us if we both understood what adoption was about ''For life, no give backs, for life, we are responsible for the kids, for the actions they do (crap) for the nurturing, we are their family''...we both looked at each other and looked back at the judge ''yes, yes we do understand'' Then he looked at our biological sons and said ''Are you ready to take these kids on as your own brother and sisters, these are your brother and sisters, are you willing to share your life with them?'' Our boys looked up at them and said ''yes!'' He looked at our family and walked down and shook Franks hand and mine and said ''thank you and congratulations on Your family, you!''

It was beautiful, but it made me think of my adoption. My ADOPTION, my acceptance into my Fathers family, FOR LIFE, NO GIVE BACKs. It made me think of the day I was welcomed by my daddy, the day I felt my life had purpose, the day I felt wanted, treasured, accepted.
Adoption is a snapshot of our Salvation, everyday I am reminded that I am by Grace a daughter of a Mighty King. I am reminded that I am ACCEPTED just as I am. I am reminded that I walked into a court room (not literally) and looked at the judge in all His Mercy and HE CHOOSE ME! I am reminded that I am worth more than rubies. I am reminded that I have brothers and sisters who are so different than me and still they are MY brothers and sisters. You know from reading my blog from knowing me personally why I talk about adoption so much, but today I ask you to do me a favor, close your eyes, wait don't close you have to read...so think about the day (if there has been a day for you) that you were called into His family the date of your Adoption. Think about the Welcome you got, we all have had different experience, some more exaggerated that others, but we all remember the feeling of having a daddy welcome us. You got the feeling? This is Adoption. This is what God wants for his little ones.
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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!