Monday, December 28, 2009

Court Passed. WOOP WOOP!

On Christmas EVE we got the best news!! These are our new babies :)! Meet G and E. G is going to be 8 she is so darn sweet I cant wait to wrap my arms around this child, and E those cute cheeks he is 4. I have heard that he is just a clown! They are from Ghana. That takes the Teabo Tribe to 5 kids, seriously ;0!
What now? We wait again, for our adoption decree for our 1600, for our visas. Hmm, I am thinking maybe March? My oldest son who is 9 and on of my besties will be traveling with me to go pick them up.
How does it feel , AWESOME! I'm in awe that God choose us, this crazy family!
I have the best buddies to celebrate with us its been so wonderful to have all the love and support of so many! I love you guys!

There will be seasons of Testing

So its been a test of faith for the last few months. One that we maybe have failed in trying to throw in the towel . Time and time again we have been asked over and over through Scripture Not to be intimidated by circumstance not to listen to the voice of well meaning Christians that tell us we may have missed the time frame of our adoption. Because Lord forbid that when you say Yes to something drastic that he has asked everything great will happen and you will see a rainbow outside your window oh and the birds must be singing and perhaps all the flowers will move with the sun. That's how you know your following Jesus! NOT!

When YOU give your heart to Him and ask HIM that you would do ANYTHING for him yet you still hold on to control by saying there is no way you can handle more. More kids, More tithing, More anything. What if He asks you to take in more kids, like he did to us? We are no saints by all means we were pushing the idea far from us. My thoughts on having kids went right to everything you can imagine. First was money. How on earth? Second emotionally, really there is so much one person can handle. With two kids with special needs my plate is full, now? Third was one that I struggled with and time and time again I am before my Kings feet ''what will other people say?''

ITS OKAY to have these questions its OKAY to run them by wise people and get Godly council. What if THE KING OF ALL KINGS says something else, something that everyone has advised you against. Do you do it still? You get down on your knees and you begg God for clarity You begg him to take this from you if He does not want it. You wait. You hear still GO and GO NOW!

The testing comes when the voices of opposition rise up and call you CRAZY, NAIVE, RADICAL, FOOLISH, DIS-CONTENT.

My favorite is that this is something I wanted so I pushed it. Don't get me wrong GOD did not force my hand to the dotted line to write our application down. The desire was burning inside me even thought I wish I could make it go away. Even though I put it on the back burner for a while the more I gave it to him the more He would give it back more. Excuse me but what person wakes up and says they are willing to take more kids in their home, when everything feels chaotic in home life? A Crazy one ;)

A test of faith, how did we do? MISERABLY I probably made a D- ! I allowed voices or lack of to be God to me to allow circumstance to be my God be questioning what I already knew God had asked us. I SUCKED! The awesome part is He still loves me wohooooo, to Be LOVED by HIM. If you can see my face I am smiling!

If God is asking you to do something outside of your self, Trust me you need to do it! If you have not asked Jesus to do anything with your life ANYTHING regardless, then you are holding on to some control and its time to LET GO! It hurts oh Lordy does it hurt. You could sit in your church pew with your nice church clothes, hang out with other Christians friends and just stay safe with both feet on the ground. OR...You can LIVE OUT LOUD. Does it mean it has to be adoption? NO, going to a mission NO. It could be inviting someone you never would be friends with to your house and having a relationship with them. It could be tithing more of your money to church beyond the %10 maybe %30, or it could be adoption. Its not for me to answer.

If you struggle with this with taking the jump to follow Him like this, I will be praying for you. You will really LOVE the feeling of Freedom!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Adoption=Spiritual Warfare!

Many people going through adoption know that there is something that happens in the middle end and sometimes even the beginning that brings disgorgement before you. Yeah ITS HERE. Its a spiritual warfare. I am not one to give too much credit to an enemy, MY GOD IS BIGGER. However there is an enemy very much alive, very much wanting to discourage us from what is layed before us. Why would he want and Orphan to have a home a home where the kids will be encouraged to love GOD?
I struggle with if I should be very honest and share my hurts or our struggles on here. I will respect some things concerning my family and not post the details but will give you a small window of the craziness going on right now in addition to the things that I posted below. I struggle with depression and take anti-depressants there that's a Huge confession. So my sweet little dude decided to clean out my drawer and my meds were probably put away all the way in the back and so I had been taking antibiotics for the past three weeks ( they have the same looking bottle okay!) So for a few weeks straight I have been at a very low point. This weekend I spent on the couch my kids playing around me and there on the couch unable to move. I have never felt like this bad ever. I just wanted someone to come to my house open my blinds and get my but off the couch.
Yesterday we decided to take the kids on a drive there had been enough funk in my house that you can cut it with a knife. We had to escape. We have a free ticket to go see Fantasy lights and was on the freeway on the way. We began to talk about our situation and how discouraged we both are and how we would love it for Jesus to come back right now.. then, guess what happens our Van stopped on the freeway we made it to the skinny side of the road right in between a cliff and the mad dashing freeway. W were cold, scared, and shocked. Then it hit me Laughter. Like I was a mad woman in fact hubbs looked at me like I was mad. I mean seriously what else? Seriously no for real what else?
Its incredible how bad news bear can come all at one time.
Both of us at different times have gone before Him and asked what on earth are you doing. Should we have not stepped forward with this adoption. Should we have waited? These struggles are much to much to bear. WE both over and over again have received that this is what He wanted and this time. We did not want to even pick up a straw from the ground without His guidance. We have both said Yes to Him and have said No matter the cost. Right now the cost is very high to our family, not nessasarly the money for the adoption. That is not stressing us right now, He is providing for that. But the battle that goes along with it is super hard!
We find ourselves right now, vehicle-less ,very tight budget wise and a little hurt from the battle.
How will we get out of this? Only God knows. Did we say Yes for something Bigger than we could do..YES! Did we move too fast did we make a mistake? NO! I beyond a shadow feel that this is what He has asked us to do. Make no sense to anyone, join the boat :)!
We played the it could be worse game last night as we waited to be rescued. It still could be so much worse.
Adoption is not for the light hearted yeah I get that Lord. Now please pour out the blessings to our family restore what the enemy has stolen and BE OUR GOD!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

All around bad couple of weeks!!

I know my last post I was on a everything is going awesome high and now not so much. We are seriously struggling with some things. This one will be completely open because I have found with the couple of people I have shared this heart with they have also felt just the same. I struggle with feeling lonely. I know what your thinking you think and I do have some really awesome close friends (I DO!) however I find myself longing for community. Before Africa, I was selfish I wanted to be the popular girl that everyone wanted around because I was so funny! Well I am... funny that is! I wanted a bigger house (got it), wanted and felt like people should respect me and I shared my hurts openly if you did hurt me you would know about it. YUCK, that girl right now is so far from who I am today. Today even though I am 100% different the same feelings come back wanting to be wanted, wanting to be loved wanting the community of people surrounded that I long for. So this is what my community looks like don't laugh. People that go to each others houses for dinner about once a week, laugh, take care of one another needs, have family bon fires, and there is no yucky stuff. Like competition or wondering if you and so and so are still friends because all of a sudden there is some odd distance and your left wondering what your last words were to them, beating yourself up about what it was that you could have said. I hate that!
Oh did I mention my small community also does themed dinners? Yeah, anyone want to join? :) The sad part is that everyone (us too) are so darn busy that community gets tossed aside and sometimes one way or another we all feel the distance feeling of being all alone even within a community.
#2. I am numbering my issues: MY BOYS!
They were both diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder the beginning of the year. We have been in therapy and my youngest has gotten worse. Tantrums are longer than 10 minutes and they become very violent in rage and very uncontrolled their are a few other things but we are beginning to think there is something else. We have gone to a Nutritionist, Neurologist and now a Psychiatrist We are sticking with the psychiatrist I think we will get our help there. But in the meanwhile its like walking on egg shells and its not fun not for him and not for us. But we are choosing to just lift him up in prayer and keep up treatment.
Boy number 1 is going through some Major social things as well, I can not share on the blog I want to respect him, but its VERY hard to see him go through. We believe he has so much hurt from loosing his little brother that comes out every know and then and right now its really popping its head. It can be and is very draining at times.
3. BILLS!! Yeah so I need two root canals done guess how much I will have to pay no guess really....$1000 ouch. They were first telling me it will be 4000 and I about passed out. SO I have separated one tooth at this month and one tooth next year (January) to maximize the medical benefits. They just keep piling in seriously!

Silver Linings:
1. Found out that I am not the only one feeling the loneliness its out there!
2. My Boys are healthy they have healthy hearts and lungs that's amazing right there!
3. God has brought us some amazing supporters this month for our adoption so we are able to but it in savings for our travel!
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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!