Sunday, September 20, 2009

Adoption is not glamorous

My next prayer is that the kids we will have join our family would be full orphans. I know that sounds terrible to pray for, however the pain of having your child leave your side for America must be heart wrenching. We think about Ruby s birth mom every day and the day that we left her with her daughter she was full aware that her baby was going to be raised by us that was a big concern for me. That 1. this was her last option not her only one and that 2.she was full aware of what was going on.
Still I don't feel very noble about it no matter how beautiful adoption is and can be. The heart wrenching side is that a mother that loves her daughter and would give her all she could but cant because of money has to say good-bye to her over and over.
Frank and I have this discussion very often. I know that the agency we worked with have two counseling sessions with the families to offer other resources and support, and that the birth mom did have to show up to court twice. So I don't feel like we took a child from her mothers arms without her really thinking about this or being offered more options. I don't believe that adoption is the answer to all these orphans because there are many called orphans who still have a mom or dad but the parents could no longer care for them and had to give them up does this make them terrible? Heck no! YES we can adopt those that are full orphans but if there are ways for these kids to stay in the culture with their own moms and dads that is the better option in my view. So as much as I am an advocate for adoption I am even more an advocate for care where the children do not need to be given up for lack of a better choice.

Adoption is not glamorous, there is a breaking heart by the families that need to give up thier nephews and nieces, grandchildren or sons and daughters. There are millions of orphans the ones that have no one, for their family have died. Being adopted is a must if they will survive there are no options no foster care set up for them. They will perish unless brought to a home that can care for them or adopted.
There is also a breaking heart for the child that comes into a different culture even if its cleaner, more comfortable and flourishing. There is still a hole left.
Ruby is the most confident two year old I have ever met. She is extremely social, sweet , compassionate, loving, and kind, these are just a few. However she has yet to fully understand even though we pray for her every day that I am not her birth mother. I am her mother and I will always be but she does have two. I am not sure how this would affect her in the future and I am not threatened by the fact that she may one day need to return to her mothers land. I hope she does.
So if you are reading this today and are adopting or hoping to adopt I am not in anyways discouraging you, this is just a fact of adoption I hope that you understand and are able to let your children grieve when needed. And understand that there is also this side of it.

Home Study-Check

This week we had a bit of a busy week. Stomach flu and two visit to the ER for our 5 year old Aidan. That didn't stop us from the home study. To be honest we thought things were on the upside until we woke up that morning of our home study and went oh no, what do we do.
This home study was far less scary the second time around and this time I didn't scrub the toilets ;)The house was clean well beside full of bugs from the sickies! It was for us the big wow we are doing this. God is good.
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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!