Friday, August 14, 2009

Three years ago....


Three years ago on this very day our 3 month old Hudson Sawyer went in for the surgery that would allow him to come home. The surgery was a procedure done dozens a day allowing a tube to go into the intestines to allow food to go into his body. We were trained by the nurses to do his full care, and had hired full staff nurses around the clock for our home. 24 hours then it would taper down to where hubbs or I would take over a shift. We didn't have time to grief what wasn't we just knew we loved this child and were going to do whatever it took to take care of him.
The surgery went well and we were told to go home to get rest.
Children's hospital is about 1.15 minutes or believe it or not I had it at 55 minutes a few times (yes speeding :) so when we went home it was for a few days. Hudson was in the ICU so this meant around the clock care we were safe.
We checked on him a few times before we went to bed as we always did. The next day he was doing fine. At about 9:30 in the evening we got a phone call from a surgeon that told us Hudson has turned for the worse. He was very sick the surgery to put in his feeding tube ended up puncturing a hole in his intestine and allowing fluid to saturate his little organs. I remember this call because I went into my closet to weep, after I heard ""Mr.s Teabo your son may not make this....he is very sick!'' Sure I had heard that your ''Fetus'' may not make it to full term. Your baby may be still born. He may not make it a few hours, he may not make it a few days...etc. He had beat the odds. Whats one more!
We battled 5 days with him and we knew his body could not take it anymore and on the 21st at 9:32 our son was welcomed by the angels and our Christ.
Grieving is never over. Its a process we will continue through life. We will never stop being sad for our sweet loss. There are most defiantly times that it hits us in ways that it feels so present as if were right there back three years ago. This week its been this way for us. Its not something that we just have to do and then let go. I am not sure if you ever do let go but just allow The Healer to comfort you in those times. Those days that a certain smell can take you right back there. The color of the walls in Ruby room remind me of the times I layed on the carpet and wept and begged for healing. The smell of hand sanitizer right there for me. When I look at my wedding ring I remember how small his hand was.
Thank you to all of our sweet friends who encompassed us with love beyond words. When I think back to those days and remember you I feel so loved.

15 comments:

The Mobergs said...

This time is etched in our hearts and minds as well as our paths crossed at Childrens.

I don't know if words can describe the blessing it was to see a familiar face and be escorted up to ICU after our chance run in at the entrance.

It has been a priviledge to hear you bear your soul on this blog and we pray that through this journey and life you would continue to discover how good, great, gracious, and glorious God is - even in the midst of unfathomable circumstances.

The Mobergs

Lisa said...

i love you

Brian and Autumn said...

Natalie,
I am praying for comfort during these especially tough weeks.
Autumn

The Harrington Family said...

Sweet Natalie,
You have an amazing heart. I'm so thankful I got the chance to meet Hudson. He changed everyone who came in contact with him. Praying for you are you remember everything about him. Love you, girl!

handfull of johnsons said...

I'm here for you forever. Day and night. I hate that we never know when it's coming, how long it will last, but I'm so glad we have friends and our Heavenly Father to comfort us through it all.

Mark and Charmaine said...

Thank you for sharing your loss ....I hope and pray that through your next journey you'll find joy!

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Words can not describe, but only God knows. Praying for that continuing healing that ONLY GOD can provide. Thank youf ro sharing your heart.

Kari Smith said...

Love you, friend!

Mark and Kels said...

Oh Natalie, I had no idea. Praying comfort for you right now. Love you.

Heckert's Highway said...

Thinking of you and praying for you guys all this week, especially today...I love you my friend.

Michelle Riggs said...

Praying for you all. Thank you for sharing your precious son with us, so that we can remember him too. It will make meeting him in heaven so much sweeter.

Renee said...

xoxoxo

Monica Belardo said...

I love you so much Nat! Mama is know taking care of him...I love you Hudson...I'll never forget going to the Hudson River when I lived in NY and throwing flowers in the water for you! You have only made your family stronger...xoxo Tia Monica!

Yvonne said...

My darling niece, as I read you blog on Angel Hudson's passing, I know exactly what you mean when you say "a smell" can take you right back to a moment with our loved ones. Still to this day, grandma's room (my office) has her essence, so much so that when I enter into that room, I sit on the bed and cry, cause I feel her right next to me. Natalie, we ALL know that grandma has our baby hudson by his hands and together they are enjoying God's kingdom. I love you and your children so much and I so admire the man God gave you for a husband. I truly miss that our boys snd Ruby are so far away from us, but I know they know about their "crazy" tias and how much we love them. May the Lord bless you always and give you the desires of your hearts. Love Tia Yvonne

Yvonne said...

My darling niece, as I read you blog on Angel Hudson's passing, I know exactly what you mean when you say "a smell" can take you right back to a moment with our loved ones. Still to this day, grandma's room (my office) has her essence, so much so that when I enter into that room, I sit on the bed and cry, cause I feel her right next to me. Natalie, we ALL know that grandma has our baby hudson by his hands and together they are enjoying God's kingdom. I love you and your children so much and I so admire the man God gave you for a husband. I truly miss that our boys snd Ruby are so far away from us, but I know they know about their "crazy" tias and how much we love them. May the Lord bless you always and give you the desires of your hearts. Love Tia Yvonne

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!