Three years ago on this very day our 3 month old Hudson Sawyer went in for the surgery that would allow him to come home. The surgery was a procedure done dozens a day allowing a tube to go into the intestines to allow food to go into his body. We were trained by the nurses to do his full care, and had hired full staff nurses around the clock for our home. 24 hours then it would taper down to where hubbs or I would take over a shift. We didn't have time to grief what wasn't we just knew we loved this child and were going to do whatever it took to take care of him. The surgery went well and we were told to go home to get rest. Children's hospital is about 1.15 minutes or believe it or not I had it at 55 minutes a few times (yes speeding :) so when we went home it was for a few days. Hudson was in the ICU so this meant around the clock care we were safe. We checked on him a few times before we went to bed as we always did. The next day he was doing fine. At about 9:30 in the evening we got a phone call from a surgeon that told us Hudson has turned for the worse. He was very sick the surgery to put in his feeding tube ended up puncturing a hole in his intestine and allowing fluid to saturate his little organs. I remember this call because I went into my closet to weep, after I heard ""Mr.s Teabo your son may not make this....he is very sick!'' Sure I had heard that your ''Fetus'' may not make it to full term. Your baby may be still born. He may not make it a few hours, he may not make it a few days...etc. He had beat the odds. Whats one more! We battled 5 days with him and we knew his body could not take it anymore and on the 21st at 9:32 our son was welcomed by the angels and our Christ. Grieving is never over. Its a process we will continue through life. We will never stop being sad for our sweet loss. There are most defiantly times that it hits us in ways that it feels so present as if were right there back three years ago. This week its been this way for us. Its not something that we just have to do and then let go. I am not sure if you ever do let go but just allow The Healer to comfort you in those times. Those days that a certain smell can take you right back there. The color of the walls in Ruby room remind me of the times I layed on the carpet and wept and begged for healing. The smell of hand sanitizer right there for me. When I look at my wedding ring I remember how small his hand was. Thank you to all of our sweet friends who encompassed us with love beyond words. When I think back to those days and remember you I feel so loved.
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