Thursday, June 4, 2009

Logic vs Wisdom vs Trust

Took some time of the blogging world lots of end of the year blah blahs blahs and unknown future dilemmas.

What do you do when you feel God calling you to something but have no freaking idea how it will happen. Where budget wise, and energy wise it seems not possible? Where you crunch numbers over and over and writing it on paper just makes it more discouraging so you let it go, then it comes up again, let it go, come back. Do you let logic pose for wisdom, or do you continue trusting in a way that seems not logical or even fathomable? How about the looks you get when you try to explain what you are listening to or the silence in the conversations on the other end and you can hear almost clearly the thoughts of the audience saying to you " YOU ARE BEYOND CRAZY''. Do you continue to trust then even then? How about when the forces of reality settle in and you wonder to yourself ''Am I CRAZY, Is this me?''
What do you do when you know saying no would be easier, no stress, no pressures, and no attention, no gossips, no giving of myself or the people in my care.
What do you do? Is it possible to please God and everyone? Is it possible to be lead to something so huge with your own motive?
I have been a believer for a long time, I can answer each of these questions for a friend, more honestly with closer friends. When it comes to me, right now, I struggle!
Right now we face a change of our future, so grand its seems crazy! I feel like as believers #1. Our lives are not our own, Galatians 2:20. That means you hold on to nothing, its not yours. Whats more simple than that? This house not mine, these kids not mine, the future not mine! I know I said my kids were not mine and that's the hardest thing to say, but they are really blessings I am being trusted with. They are Gods first. I do call them mine (sometime I don't :) but am I willing to give them up? They are not mine to begin with!
#2. No looking back.
"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62
I want to be fit for His kingdom that means I can not say I am going to follow him and wonder about what I am leaving behind. I want to say all in or nothing. He would rather that that half-assed (excuse my language) faith! Nor am I picking up all my things and moving to Africa without my family, that would not be biblical at all!

These are my two verses that I keep falling on when the doubts enter my mind. I know them well, although I still .....what ...I am still hanging on to the plow. Its secure its easier, its tangible.
The path that may be set before use requires much faith, requires a miracle to be honest financially a huge miracle at best!
Would love prayer through the plow throwing!
Do any of you have stories you can share about your lives taking this plow throwing so to say, would love to hear about it! Comment please.


The Tulloss Family said...

I am blown away by your post and your honest description of exactly the same thing I struggle with too. I understand how it all makes sense when you look at it in someone else's life, but it becomes tougher when it's your own. And yes, Natalie - it is impossible to serve God and man. You will get funny looks, gossip, whatever. But that puts you in with some really great company - Jesus being the leader of them all. Please know that not everyone thinks you are crazy - I think you're awesome! Your life and passion are a true reflection of God and an encouragement to me and many others.
I don't have a complete story to share with you (YET), but I can totally relate as we are the midst of our "crazy" following of God too.
I love you and I am praying for you.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

I feel like that is the story of my life??? And since going to Ethiopia earlier this year.....yeah feeling like we are being called to something even deeper....not sure what yet, but know that God keeps calling us. It is amazing and crazy at the same time. I am happy to share more in depth...e-mail me. So what is on your heart?? I will pray about it. In the end logic is only our boundaries...not God's.

handfull of johnsons said...

Well, the first thing I thought of when I read your post was Noah building his ark. He was the town wierdo for being faithful to God. Constantly mocked day after day as he worked for the Lord. But if he didn't do it, nobody would have survived the flood.
It is very hard to try to know 100% what is God's calling, vs. what is our own desire to save the world after we've experienced any degree of suffering, but if you were to line up the options of staying home, staying comfortable and not stepping out on faith vs. asking God what the next step is and allowing Him to speak to you OVER and OVER again, I think you know what He'd choose for you.
Ask God what your ministry capacity is. If He wants you to expand it, it will be clear. If He thinks you've done enough for now while you're kids are little, He'll let you know that too.
I am honored to be your friend and am proud of you for who you are, wether you're mopping floors for Jesus, or adopting 57 more kids.

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!