I get it you care about us, you love our family and do not want to see us suffer or hurting. You tell us in ways that sound very discouraging however. You say we are fools, crazy, you say we are young and naive. You say you don't understand you don't agree you never can and you never will. Listen up ..... If I listened to you I would never live I would fear! Life would be held in the grips of the what ifs. If I listened to you I would be going against who I was made to be, who My God created me to be. If I listened to your ''wisdom'' it would say think of myself first. If I believed you, I would have been stolen from from a sweet husband it would have stolen me from this sweet girl I adore. You are a discouraging you are not trusting the King for His daughter and you are being a POOP HEAD! (that's the best word that came to my mind at the moment :)! When I was 17 years old and heard the voice of truth telling me to go to Colorado and join a DTS, there was the same opposition against me. "God does not speak to kids'', ''Too much money you will never get the $ to go.'' This written in my journal at the age of 17 '' Lord I want people to say that I am in the right for doing this, I want to follow what you said but everyone thinks its so dumb maybe they are right?!" ''While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.48He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. 50For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." This started my walk with great perspective. What you don't know voice, is that I was created vastly different that you wish I would be. That I had two grandmothers praying on there knees that I would be a woman that loves the truth and that picks up the cross at any cost. I have a destiny that you just need to let go. Your voice does bring a stumbling block at times, I doubt. Oh do I ever. I know better. I know you may never understand, I know that you may never see through my eyes. You do need to let go and stop with the words you choose to use to bring guilt and confusion. Trust that this Giant and loving God would never drive me to a fountain to drink and leave me for dead. Be proud of my heart of compassion, my heart for my children and those that are fatherless. Voice, I would understand if I lead a life of sin I almost think you may love me more. But please voice know the pain I have when you drive your words deep into the core of my heart and tell me you disagree, because when you do I ache. Know that I was made stubborn and that words are words however I still like everyone else want acceptance. Its okay if you never say the words my heart wants to hear. Just know I will still walk steadfast. I will walk and not grow weary. I will listen to the voice of TRUTH!
We asked God to provide a huge miracle in our finance so that we can be open to what He wants us to do with your big path change. We were thinking like I don't know someone old lost uncle dyeing and leaving us so bucko cash ;0. We were one of those Americans that bought in to a Big house, small mortgage interest only to get us into a home we could not afford. That was close to four years ago and we have both changed so much from those silly worldly people. We have the Fathers heart and Kingdom at heart now and so our perspective has taken a 360 indeed. Things have been tight crunching and really hard for our one income family. There are many families in this boat as we all have seen the decline in jobs. We bought our home with Franks overtimes in the budget plan, well what do you think happens with one year of no overtime and no emergency fund. Need I say more? Because of what we feel God asking us to do and where we are right at the moment there is no room to stay the same and change not even by a penny. So we began to ask what to do. We came to the cross road so No or even later to Gods plans in work, or say goodbye to our beloved home. Knowing full well its just a house! We are selling our home, yikes! We are so nervous but feel at peace. We have to rent a home to start our emergency fund, adoption savings, car savings and future home savings. So, it may not have been a huge miracle of God paying off my dept :) but its our first plan of attack to be more financially available to God. Anyone know of a 4 bedroom home for rent under 1,100 :)?
Took some time of the blogging world lots of end of the year blah blahs blahs and unknown future dilemmas.
What do you do when you feel God calling you to something but have no freaking idea how it will happen. Where budget wise, and energy wise it seems not possible? Where you crunch numbers over and over and writing it on paper just makes it more discouraging so you let it go, then it comes up again, let it go, come back. Do you let logic pose for wisdom, or do you continue trusting in a way that seems not logical or even fathomable? How about the looks you get when you try to explain what you are listening to or the silence in the conversations on the other end and you can hear almost clearly the thoughts of the audience saying to you " YOU ARE BEYOND CRAZY''. Do you continue to trust then even then? How about when the forces of reality settle in and you wonder to yourself ''Am I CRAZY, Is this me?'' What do you do when you know saying no would be easier, no stress, no pressures, and no attention, no gossips, no giving of myself or the people in my care. What do you do? Is it possible to please God and everyone? Is it possible to be lead to something so huge with your own motive? I have been a believer for a long time, I can answer each of these questions for a friend, more honestly with closer friends. When it comes to me, right now, I struggle! Right now we face a change of our future, so grand its seems crazy! I feel like as believers #1. Our lives are not our own, Galatians 2:20. That means you hold on to nothing, its not yours. Whats more simple than that? This house not mine, these kids not mine, the future not mine! I know I said my kids were not mine and that's the hardest thing to say, but they are really blessings I am being trusted with. They are Gods first. I do call them mine (sometime I don't :) but am I willing to give them up? They are not mine to begin with! #2. No looking back. "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62 I want to be fit for His kingdom that means I can not say I am going to follow him and wonder about what I am leaving behind. I want to say all in or nothing. He would rather that that half-assed (excuse my language) faith! Nor am I picking up all my things and moving to Africa without my family, that would not be biblical at all!
These are my two verses that I keep falling on when the doubts enter my mind. I know them well, although I still .....what ...I am still hanging on to the plow. Its secure its easier, its tangible. The path that may be set before use requires much faith, requires a miracle to be honest financially a huge miracle at best! Would love prayer through the plow throwing! Do any of you have stories you can share about your lives taking this plow throwing so to say, would love to hear about it! Comment please.
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