Friday, April 3, 2009

Bigger than Myself

Lately we find ourselves on what I like to call Gods chess game. He says turn right and we turn and then turn left, huh, why did you say turn right? Let me explain my train of thought in this theory. The Lord asked me to go to South Africa in December if you have read my post before I went, there were may heart struggles I had with knowing if it was suppose to happen or not. Then I went out of obedience and God showed me a little sweet boy, who I thought would be my son. He is very young, I started on the beginning of research for the adoption stage when we found out this baby has full blown AIDS, when we prayed about it and regardless of the cost to our own lives we knew we were suppose to say yes to this small boy. We said yes, and prayed that the door would close if it was not to be. The very next day closed door. Frank and I took this as an Issac moment. Almost as if God wanted to know that we would fall on him no matter what.
So what was that about God? Well I called AGCI our agency about questions with paperwork on the adoption of out little guy from South Africa and they happened to call us back on the same day we got our answer. So I began to tell the director the story to which she said ''You should pray about a new county we will open Rwanda''. Rwanda? Okay what?!
The same day I am sitting on the couch and Ruby brings a book to me the book is open and the page is opened to a map of Rwanda....hmmm? Same day no husband calls me over to watch the news, I never like sitting and watching the news. He really wanted my sister and I to sit and hear about the lady who had 8 babies! Well I am sitting watching against my will :) and on the ticker screen as the news anchor is announcing the birth of the new babies, I see news in bright yellow letters Rwanda, nothing in particular something was going on and the sentence said something about the Rwanda Genocide in 1994. I asked my sister and Frank if they say what I say, just in case my eyes were you know playing a sick trick on me.YES the see it, hmmm?
At this moment I just start praying a little about it. The top two can be a little coincidence right? My son was singing a song at the table for lunch one day not in English. It was a Rwandan song that he learned in class during International week his class learned all about Rwanda because his teachers daughter is a nurse there. Okay third coincidence? :)! I hear this amazing song on the radio and look up the singer Brooke Frasier I clicked to watch a video of her singing in the video the first thing she does is write on a tablet of paper she is writing the word...any guesses......... Rwanda. I read somewhere if you stop praying you stop seeing coincidences.

Again just lifting it up in prayer. While speaking to the coordinator of the agency she said that it will be an older children adoptions at first. Great I am looking for a baby anyways, so I have tons of time to wait. But the more I dedicated this to prayer, the more I felt like the answer is 3 like our future daughter will be 3. This is still in the future is what I had been thinking a year or so?

Fast forward to right now, lots have happened between the 3 year old thingy and now. I can not say anything right now, but there is an opportunity in our midst that is bigger than myself.

The more I pray about this situation to more I realize how lukewarm I can be with God. I tell him how much I am in love with Him, How I would do anything for Him, no matter what happens to me, I trust Him with my families life, I trust him with all I have and sure as heck with what I don't. But when there is something right in my face I am going to say, I take it back. I cant, I cant do this I CANT! I say to him this does not make sense, logically it does not. He reminds me that's perfect for Him. When the perfect people step up to the plate, then its perfect people stepping up to the plate. When its imperfect people then Its a Miracle, and its GOD!

If this thing that is set before us comes to path for us, then there is a HUGE change in our lives. One that many people would not agree on, one that our families and many friends may not agree with and try to take sense of it to us. God has brought us through a journey starting with our sweet Hudson we have learned what ''playing it safe'' and having a status quo life was not meant for us, we were meant to be heroic, Brave, risky, all for the sake of Christ. Even in the midst of crisis and busyness in our our lives God asks for big things.
If this ''thing'' is not meant for us, then we do not have check mate and we ask God where now, what now?
""If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it"" Matthew 16:24-25
"Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple'' Luke 14:33


handfull of johnsons said...

I'm dying to know what this is!! It sounds like it could be exciting!I'll be glued to your blog to find out...

Kelly M said...

Oh wow! I'm excited to hear how things continue, Natalie! I'm so thankful to be part of your tribe!

The Tulloss Family said...

You know I'm sitting here with a big smile on my face...I just love God stories. Can't wait to hear more about yours.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20, 21

Mark and Kels said...

I have chills Natalie. I am dying to know what you are waiting on... in the meantime I will be lifting you up sister.

Jennifer Meysenburg said...

Oh Natalie, Once again praising the Lord for you! Praying for you and your growing family!!!

Karen said...

I'm dying!! I can't wait to hear about your new child(ren)!!! :) :) :)


OK I have goosebumps and my own "idea" of what God is calling you to do...I don't want to make a public guess case I am wrong...
Can't wait to find out!
jen in mi

Yvonne said...

Hello my darling niece. I read your blog and I certainly will NOT be one of the family members to question whatever it is God plans for your family and your lives. We had a grandmother whose whole mission was serving the Lord. Placing other's needs ahead of her's. Many things she did that we questioned, like her last missionary trip to Guatemala, age 72, where she went from there to Belize, then into Mexico. The miracles thru prayers may be questioned by many of little faith, and yet your grandmother's faith in God allowed her to see miracles that touched one's soul. I can only pray for God's guidance in your life. May he lead you and bless you. If this is only a "test", then he is preparing you for something greater. I love you and miss hearing from you. I have send you many email. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!