These past few weeks I have found comfort in journaling in my prayer journal and have forgotten all about blogging. Its been a sweet retreat as I have been on a mountain high from Africa until now. This is hard for me to write about although it may be therapeutic. I have two awesome fun totally wacky boys!! If you know our family you would agree. yet in the heart of this mom I always sensed something not right. There emotional state have always been not "common'' so to say. They are highly emotional on some matters and not on some things, you may say I am explaining some of your kids, however its very different. I have been in our pediatricians office many times with the concern and our doctor has just said my children are very ''spirited", hello like there mom. Although it never settled completely with me that my kids are just ''spirited''. My son who is 8 has not slept normally since he was 2. Has a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep this has been a major struggle that we have gone to all ends to help. We have done sound machines, natural medications, strict routines, behavioral therapy, I even had friends lay hands on him and pray multiple times! That's the first thing. J also is extremely sensitive to sound, material, does not do well with transition at all, has extreme anxiety and now socially has become withdrawn. Our pediatrician had us go to a Physiologist when he was 3 who diagnosed him incorrectly with OCD and wanted to give him medication. NOT an option for me. With another referral to a physiologist we took him in last week and the DR. asked if I have ever heard of Sensory Integration Disorder or Sensory Processing Disorder(SPD). I did because every time I looked up my sons symptoms it came right up. I didn't want to really look into it because I just thought physiologist and pediatricians sometimes look to hard to diagnose a child when they are just developing at there own pace.
When I came home and really looked it up and took the time to research other parents who have children with the same disorder, I was shocked it had both my boys written all over all the symptoms. What one son didn't have the other modeled to a T. I called my pediatrician and told him all I had searched and we wants me to get right into an Occupational Therapist right away to do a full evaluation but feels that this is very well what my children have.
Even though it feels so good to finally have a ''label'' for my kids I am still crushed. This disorder is marked as a special needs child. Do you know what this means for me, every child my womb has carried has had something not right. I am angry right now with God, yes, angry. That's where raw comes in from the tittle of my post! Why? Why me, why, really? My road will be marked with many therapy sessions to help my children and our family cope with things children can handle every single day.
Please don't get my writing wrong, I love my children, I love JESUS!!! But the challenge I have faced these past few weeks, because its gotten worse that fast, has been a deep digging for me. I can still be angry with God and know that he will help me through this one, know that His peace will get me through every day with my boys. Know that he can help me not stay in a pit of despair where I think I am the victim. Help me look to the cross with knees bent for an embrace every minute of my days. That they wont be labeled by people as ''special'', in that way. That there friends would still want to play with them. Help me see that this is a blessing (the diagnosis) so I can help my children function to handle themselves and others in a way that would help them not feel overwhelmed. He has obviously seen something in me worthy to raise these boys right? I am talking myself into this one?!!
This long post to say I am we are so hurting! Pray for us we as seek therapy and that our son sleeping at midnight every night for the last two weeks wont distress our days. That I can make it through this day without thinking I have done this to them, my womb my body.
An inexpensive gift idea and a fun recipe!
6 years ago