Thursday, August 28, 2008

Should I stay or Should I go!

A few posts ago I posted on my leap of faith to go and follow God's leading to South Africa on a mission trip in December lead by Jodie Howerton of Overlake Christian Center in Seattle. I took the leap to follow! So lately I have had some serious anxiety of the trip and thoughts like. 1. Why would I leave my family to take care of other peoples kids? 2. What if I die and orphan my children to take care of Orphaned kids. 3. What if I don't raise enough support, then I have to send all my money back to the wonderful supporters and feel extremely embarrassed. 4. What if this was not God? 5. What if I sink in quick sand, (my youngest sons fear!) 6. What if something happens to my father in laws health? 7. What if my mom can't help out? 8. Why would God call Just a mom, my ministry is to my kids first right!?
So its been so many of these thoughts of doubt that has kept me up at night in cold sweat. On my knees I have been with all this anxiety that if the Lord is wanting to stop me that He would not bring in any support or make it so clear that I will not go. I shared it with my friend Jen who just came back from Kazakhstan with her baby girl Alea. She reminded me that anxiety is not something God would want for me, so that I need to see the lies the enemy would want me to believe and claim Jesus' blood over them! Also challenged me to look at myself as Gods' vessel not just a mom! So I did just that and I can say that I felt a huge relief over me, as if a veil had been lifted off my head. So this morning I sent out 15 more support letters ( I have been having a hard time with this one too!) I went to the mail box and there was a letter with $ in it a good chuck too from a missionary friend in Uganda! Shannon is a good friend of a friend of mine and her family are missionaries to Uganda, I am inspired by her love for Africa! I was also reminded that this thought of mine in not selfish, for big reasons I must believe that my heart was stirred for Africa. How awesome is that?!! So I take it that God is still moving me there. Would you pray with me that if indeed I am to go that $1800 :) would come in by the 7Th of September!!! Oh and that I would Fear not!!!


The Tulloss Family said...

I am joining with you in prayer over this decision and that God would make it super clear! Either way, what a growing experience. Love ya, Melissa

Hauswife said...

YES! I will pray. Praying right now for the necessary finances to rain down on you, for you to be emboldened in mission God has for you, for Satan to be driven away, for beautiful blessings in this incredible journey! Amen!

Taylor Madison said...

We're are praying for you in the midst of your journey. We look forward to hearing about your trip and we're glad you found this opportunity to follow your heart to Africa again.

P.S. I apologize for not being able to get you any info regarding World Vision opportunities - my friend never did get back to me.

The Gresham Clan said...

I will be praying with you too!! Praise God that he can and will us ANYONE who is willing!!


The Gresham Clan said...

I will continue to pray for you Natalie - God is amazing and will use you in a mighty and powerful way!!


jeffshan said...

I'M so encouraged by your attitude Natalie, your love and passion for Africa, the children, and your willingness to GO! Praying..

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