If you read my blog you know its a little honest about my daily musings and heart beats. So I open myself to another honest post to wonder if right now what I am experiencing is anxiety?
Okay so it started a couple of weeks ago and please this is the silliest thing I have ever written about so bear with me. I bought this super cool grocery list pad at Target by the line Real Simple. Its so cool it hooks on to your shopping cart with a little Velcro and then back on the fridge with a little pen holder best part is it has a wallet part in the back where you can put cash or coupons, I know super cool gadget! Okay so I took this super dooper thing to Costco and guess what I forgot it on the darn cart. This was the onslaught to an anxious heart, I am telling you writing about it now sounds so idiotic. I went to Costco twice in the next few days and have even lost sleep worrying about where I had placed the note pad. (its was 7 bucks too!) I swore the women at Costco are tired of taking my calls by now. But then I noticed that my sleep had been interrupted by the thought of my note pad and then the thought of how this was a symbol of how careless I have been with the items I hold as "possessions". Then that made me think about if I am suppose to care about the "things" I have in a way that does not hold them too close but in a way that I take care of them? Like my kids?! They are not "possessions" per say but they are gifts that I am to take care of, and yet sometimes I feel like I am not the best I can can be for them. I sometimes lay in bed and think was I too hard on him for this or not enough for that. Or once again I forgot to make the doctor appointment for Ruby (even though I refuse to buy another to do list pad because I cant take care of anything!) And it keeps me up.
I know the word says be anxious for nothing. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil 4:6
But I would love to know that this is normal, hello? Moms do you feel like this sometimes. As if there are times that your anxious heart keeps you up at night thinking about daily this and that's? There are never enough hours in the day to fulfill all my daily home chores as well as saving the world. Is a little anxiety okay is this what keeps you aware of your own actions?
The depth of my worry the kids I left behind.....the children that I saw in the Mother Theresa home the children covered in boils and blind, the ones that will never be saved. This keeps me up at night. The suffering the sadness the overwhelming helplessness of it all.
What is the root of all this worry? This need to have it all perfect and a know that you can not live up to it?Perhaps its time to meet with Christ in my closet and lay it all down again! :)
PS. I didn't find my awesome pad again at Target, I bought one similar to it ( as pictured above)