This is my mom by the way in this seriously high zip line in Belize a few weeks ago. But I love that it describes me at the moment. I have shared with you my hearts passion for the great country of Africa as well as my recent prayer should I go to South Africa. So here is a short (lets hope) story of my leap of faith. Last week Monday was the deadline application as well as a deposit to go on the trip. Because I was having so much fear and questioning my own motive and even thinking of what others have told me about going, I did not know what to do. So I asked my husband to pray for me and to decided (nice cop out huh!) So we wrote the check and crossed his fingers that it wont be cashed without mortgage going through first :)! Then I laid out a fleece I asked God to provide with the funds so that my husband wont stress out. When it didn't happen the same day I was a little confused. But nether the less I sent it out and would just wait. I got an email saying my friend Jodie (leader of the group) would be gone for a few days and the check may not get deposited, wosh! On Monday my sons new second grade teacher came to eat at the restaurant I work at and was sharing that her next seven weeks will be spent in Africa. Then I said "I have an opportunity to go to Africa." She responded with "You have an opportunity or You are suppose to go?" I thought on her words all day, then I go home to open my mail box and there is a small card with my name on it from a friends that were in Ethiopia with us also picking up there baby girl (I don't know if they want me to use there name.) Guess what else was in the card the same exact money that I wrote the check for. F and I read the card and were in tears he looked at me and said "How can this not be God?" Did I mention I told no one of the amount I needed for the deposit?!Exactly so I am taking to leap to say YES I am going to Africa, unless Gods hand stops it. Funny thing is that I felt like God just wanted to watch me jump first. Chat 1 and Chat 2 (our friends special names :) thank you for following Gods leading you have blessed us so much! The song playing is by Rita Springer and I love that it says "You Said, ask and I will give the nations to you O lord...that's the cry of my heart, Distance shores and the Islands will see your light as it rises on us." AMEN.
Last year on this exact day we got a call that changed us from the inside out. It was a call about our sweet baby girl Ruby. You can read the happenings of that day here. So one year to the date We are so in love with her. I wish I could make an awesome video like Suzi Redman :) but snapshots will have to do.
This also marks my 100th post....yes I totally planned it this way :)! I wanted to write a letter to Ruby for this very sweet milestone.
My Precious sweet girl,
Your dad and I am amazed by the places in our hearts that you have shown us, we never knew would come alive again. God has placed YOU in our home in our lives in our path with a plan for your life. We are in awe of His goodness to entrust us with you our sweet girl. You make us smile and laugh and you are a constant reminder of your people that have become our people. My child thank you for the priceless way you call us "mamma" and "daddy". We are astonished by the privilege of raising you.
If you read my blog you know its a little honest about my daily musings and heart beats. So I open myself to another honest post to wonder if right now what I am experiencing is anxiety?
Okay so it started a couple of weeks ago and please this is the silliest thing I have ever written about so bear with me. I bought this super cool grocery list pad at Target by the line Real Simple. Its so cool it hooks on to your shopping cart with a little Velcro and then back on the fridge with a little pen holder best part is it has a wallet part in the back where you can put cash or coupons, I know super cool gadget! Okay so I took this super dooper thing to Costco and guess what I forgot it on the darn cart. This was the onslaught to an anxious heart, I am telling you writing about it now sounds so idiotic. I went to Costco twice in the next few days and have even lost sleep worrying about where I had placed the note pad. (its was 7 bucks too!) I swore the women at Costco are tired of taking my calls by now. But then I noticed that my sleep had been interrupted by the thought of my note pad and then the thought of how this was a symbol of how careless I have been with the items I hold as "possessions". Then that made me think about if I am suppose to care about the "things" I have in a way that does not hold them too close but in a way that I take care of them? Like my kids?! They are not "possessions" per say but they are gifts that I am to take care of, and yet sometimes I feel like I am not the best I can can be for them. I sometimes lay in bed and think was I too hard on him for this or not enough for that. Or once again I forgot to make the doctor appointment for Ruby (even though I refuse to buy another to do list pad because I cant take care of anything!) And it keeps me up.
I know the word says be anxious for nothing. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil 4:6
But I would love to know that this is normal, hello? Moms do you feel like this sometimes. As if there are times that your anxious heart keeps you up at night thinking about daily this and that's? There are never enough hours in the day to fulfill all my daily home chores as well as saving the world. Is a little anxiety okay is this what keeps you aware of your own actions?
The depth of my worry the kids I left behind.....the children that I saw in the Mother Theresa home the children covered in boils and blind, the ones that will never be saved. This keeps me up at night. The suffering the sadness the overwhelming helplessness of it all.
What is the root of all this worry? This need to have it all perfect and a know that you can not live up to it?
Perhaps its time to meet with Christ in my closet and lay it all down again! :)
PS. I didn't find my awesome pad again at Target, I bought one similar to it ( as pictured above)
Okay we Washingtonians have a little odd tradition called the Duck dash in Thurston county. Its put on by the Rotary club and the funds go to support kids causes. You buy a rubber ducky at the booth for a whopping 5 bucks and hope oh so hope your ducky makes it to the finish line of the Deschutes river. If it does you get a super awesome prize such as a 2008 supped up Mustang, thats what I was going for anyhoo. Needles to say one day of fun = no Mustang :(. Although we did see the Sasquatch from the Sonics and the boys caught four trouts. This was a laugh it was not catch and release what I would have liked oh no you caught the darn thing and put it in the bag and it flips flops around until well lets just say for a four year old that was a little disturbing to see :( he wanted to keep it as a pet and then all of a sudden no more movement. YUCK! Thanks to our dear friend Mr. Buddy who volunteered to clean the fish and smoke it, because mamma is lame at that skill :O! ps. Ruby was in my back pack for the whole day such a trooper.
pss. Yes Melissa that why I missed the ball game that I was suppose to be at, I thought I was going to win a mustang, gosh darn you got me!
I am not bragging at all....Ruby is just too cute to hang with! I enter a room and all eyes are on Ruby I know this all well. I cant shop at a store without Ruby making eyes and saying "HI!" to everyone and anyone. Which I love that she is this social. Everyone knows her name and forgets mine, that's okay I am used to this by now, I am just Ruby's mom....oh and the other boys. Today at the gym (yes I made it to work out !:) a trainer looked at me and said "Is she always this good?" To not get into the sometimes I gave a quick nod yes, but answered "she has brothers and they make up for it ":) real honest hey?! He asked this "Oh are they yours?" Ruby is mine too dweeb! I know he didn't mean anything by it, I know he meant biological, however are people aware of the terminology they use? I should not be this grumpy and I knew with adoption we will always be looked at and living here in the Northwest the looks are very innocent and in adoration and a simple curiosity. But sometimes it gets old. Sometimes I want to walk in the store to get cheese without having four people stop me in the isle to have Ruby goo goo gaga at them. It was not like this at all with my boys, and they are handsome devils well I think! Moms of adopted kids do you feel this way at all? Does it grow old and will it just be a part of everyday routine?
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