Ruby had a special appointment yesterday at UW just to find out why she isn't putting on much weight, I was not referred by my pediatrician, its just me a mom freaking out. During our visit the specialist heard a murmur in Ruby's heart and wanted her to see a cardiologist at Children's soon (not what I was expecting at all). If you know about our family, Hudson our third son passed away in the ICU cardiac wing at Children's. I know cardiologist at Children's, I love them I just never want to see them again. But there it was again in my face, I felt dizzy headed. The specialist was amazed by the "medical" knowledge I had on hearts, "are you medical"? No, I explained about Hudson and she phoned the doctors right away to have Ruby seen. I had to go back into those doors, the last time I exited was when I left Hudson's body. So you can see I had my heart in my throat. We went into the cardiologist they listened and reported that Ruby had a happy heart, nothing to worry about. Okay I can leave now...except my body pushed me to enter number 4 on the elevator and I walked to the ICUs front desk to see if my favorite nurses were at work. Front desk lady: "hi, you are here to see...?" me "Leslie, I don't know if she remembers me..(I say my name). Front lady says "Teabo Teabo...Hudson's mom?" me "YES!" in the next few minutes the nurses came out and begged me to stay to see the doctors there was a crowd around Ruby, the first time at Children's hospital, I felt joy. I walked the halls after leaving the ICU and went to my quiet spot where I would escape and just cry out to heaven while my stay last year. I smiled as I remember Hudson. As I walk I see parents thier heads hung low, there eyes filled with worry a look familiar to me. A piece of me left when Hudson passed on, one that I don't believe will ever return to me, however Ruby has brought so much peace and joy to our hearts. I thank God for bringing me full circle to see this place again, my heart not healed just bigger.
8 years ago