Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Hudson!



One year ago on this day a sweet baby boy entered this world thought my womb. The day Hudson was born I knew from the moment I saw him that my life would never be the same. At the moment I was not able to grasp what that meant for us.

DH the boy and I went to Hudson's grave on Sunday morning the 27 to lay flowers at his grave. It didn't seem right, should I bring balloons? Should we have a cake? There is no hallmark card that says "on the day your son should be one but not really because he is in heaven now." I did know that I wanted some time for myself so "F" took the boys and gave me five minutes. I sat at Hudson grave and wept like a baby. I looked at the sky and told God how unfair this is, I should be cleaning up his sugar-free cake filled tray not brushing the grass clippings of MY SONS grave. As I knelt there on the cold stone, the smell of freshly cut grass filled the air, the birds singing and the sun peeking at me through the clouds. I realized how Lucky I am, my son is with the marker of Heaven and earth. The angels are giving him a party one bigger than what I can make him. And on his guest list Christ and all His glory. In that brief five minutes of solitude I knew that my breaking heart was not overlooked. I sensed an understanding from heaven a peace that God could see right into the depth of my mother heart and He hurt with me.

F and I spent the entire day with the boys. We went to the zoo, had lunch, and talked about Hudson. I hugged them more today, as I look at them there are traits on there faces that remind me of Hudson. Hudson had Js nose, A's forehead, my funny big toe . I smiled as I looked at these traits that remind me so much of Hudson.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy Hudson. There is no me without you.

8 comments:

Karen said...

Oh Natalie...Happy Hudson's birthday. You are a strong woman, girl. I'm blessed to know you.

Lindsey said...

I remember little Huddy (as i like to call him) often. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUDSON!

Tiffany said...

Natalie,
This was so touching. I'm glad gave you this insight when you needed it. What a party it would be to have Jesus on the guest list! (I'm from the ET list, but the way.)
www.namastechild.blogspot.com

Tiffany said...

I meant to say "I'm glad GOD gave you this insight...)" Oh that's what I get for typing too fast! ;)

Jennifer Meysenburg said...

You amaze me, Natalie! Thanks for this entry. So beautiful and sweet. We wish Hudson a Happy Birthday as well! Blessings to you and your family!

Heckert's Highway said...

I prayed alot for you on that day. My heart breaks for you that you have had to go through this, but I am so thankful for the beauty that God has given and made from the ashes. I grieve with you and will always be available as you grieve. I thank God everyday that He has given me YOU! I love you girl! Happy Birthday Nee Nee's boy!!

Ted and Lori said...

What a beautiful tribute to your son. Thank you for sharing this.

GRANDMA MYRNA said...

My little one, You have the strengh of an army, and the bravery of a warrior, you are my daughter, and I thank God for bringin you into my life. Thanks for being the daughter that every mother dreams of having..loving, caring, and with the greatest heart! I know that Hudson is watching over you, and you make him him smile! Love you, Mom

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Pray for sweet Abby Riggs!!